I made a few phone calls yesterday and found out that J has been allocated a place on the special needs playscheme for four weeks over the summer. It's only for two days a week but it's run in a family centre with their own staff plus three trained SN staff. He could even go by himself in the minibus if he wants! The coordinator is coming out to see me first week in July to discuss his needs, and I fill in a booklet with all his details so the programme can be tailored to the specific needs of the children. Really, really pleased about that.
Also contacted a nearby Barnardo's family support centre which has an AS support group for parents, so I'll be going there from July (monthly meetings). She also gave me a couple of positive links - there's a charitable trust in Morpeth run by a family who found that there was no practical support available once their own son was diagnosed with autism a few years ago, so they set up their own! So I have a few things to look into.
Also have arranged to see the Autism Liaison Worker who's seen J a couple of times in school, and so far seems to be the only person to support my theory that J is more stressed in school than he appears and that's why he explodes when he's at home. She could prove a useful contact.
So overall I'm feeling a bit better and more positive than I have in quite a few days (weeks?). Day to day stuff is still pretty crappy but I don't expect that to change for a while yet. It's a tough week, as dh's in work every day so I have nine school runs, plus I have an IB/Carers Allowance interview tomorrow (apparently if I'm well enough to look after my autistic son I'm well enough to work - such is the world according to the DWP). Fortunately I'm too exhausted to worry about it!