How to proceed? So desperate for help!

[TanyaBranning]

I have posted on the SEN forum previously, so apologies for repeating myself.

In a nutshell, DS has just started reception and is struggling with social situations / playtime etc, and aggressive behaviour when he is under stress.

History of events so far:

Problems first identified aged 3 yrs old at nursery - persistent biting/hitting/aggressive behaviour.

Since Jan 2009 we have had regular-ish meetings with nursery over his behaviour. The school Inclusion Manager (SENCo) is across the situation. DS is on School Action Plus, has an IEP and now has a learning mentor working with him one-to-one two days a week in class (this will increase to 3 days after half term).

Since March 2009, when we got a GP referral, he has been 'in the system'. He has been seen by the Community Paed and has a review in a few weeks time. He has been seen by CAHMS and they observed him at school last week - still awaiting their report. We have had no 'diagnosis', although there have been hints from the school that point us in the direction of Asperger's.

Since he started reception last month we have been called into the school roughly twice a week following an incident where he has hit/bitten/attacked another child. He is well behaved in supervised settings - during structured, adult supervised activities, at story time etc - but cannot seem to cope in the playground or at lunchtime when he is in a group and isn't being watched at all times. He struggles badly with knowing how to behave appropriately with his 'friends' and is jealous, possessive, invades other children's personal space, snatches things etc.

We have had a meeting with his teacher and the Inclusion Manager scheduled in for Friday since last week. This was at my request, as I am concerned that although the school are supportive, they are dealing with this ion the wrong way - ie. sending him to the headteacher for a bollocking. I am not defending his behaviour _ i am extremely worried and upset by his aggression - but I genuinely don't think he is able to control it and needs help.
Today - once again - I have been asked to come in to the school tomorrow morning to discuss an incident where DS headbutted another child today . I have taken time off work to attend these meetings and have a half day booked off for this Friday meeting. DH is away on business. I cannot go in to the school again this week (other than Friday). I just can't keep taking the piss wioth work. I am at my wit's end

I need to get my head together for this Friday meeting and decide what I am going to say, what I am asking for, how to proceed? We can't keep going on like this. It's not working

If unsupervised times such as breaks and lunches as being such a problem, and these are the times that incidents primarily take place, then it would seem to me that he needs 1:1 care over these periods. My DD has full time 1:1 including over breaks and lunch as these are times that are most challanging for her. If the pattern is that obvious then I would have thought they could put this in place? Or use some of the already assigned 1:1 time over breaks and lunch. Go in and tell them what you expect - have a clear plan and accept nothing less.

Thanks huffy. This does seem to be what he needs, but I wasn't sure if it was realistic? He isn't statemented and I'm not sure if they can provide this level of care for him.

I will definitely broach it with them on Friday, though.

Any other opinions, ladies?

He doesn't need a statement or formal dx for the school to receive funding for 1-1 supervision at break times. I have worked in a school where a child with AS had just this. It helped him enormously - in fact it helped the whole class and his relationships improved as he was playing with them rather than fighting them. This child was also going through an assessment process similar to your ds. No personal experience, but it sounds as if things are reaching a bit of a crisis point for all concerned. Surely the school have to support him properly and effectively - not just 'bollocking' him which is not going to work - probably making things worse in fact