Possible ASD son, anyone with experience want to talk to me? Kind of struggling here.

[harrisonnnn]

I have namechanged for this, although not really sure why. I guess incase anyone in RL knows my usual posting name.

I think my son is on the Autistic spectrum.

Today at 11am I was asked to come and collect him from school as they couldn't cope with him anymore and the headteacher thought the teacerh needed a break from him

I am gutted and at my witt's end. I do not know what to do or how to handle this. I had a long talk with him this morning before school where he promised me he would try his hardest and earn some stamps on his reward chart but obviously he didn't even try.

I could just do with some support and advice really, and similar experiences so I know I am not alone.

Mostly, what strategies aftually work for helping them conform and behave better in school?

Any advice appreciated.

Yeah I bullied the OT to make a home visit and meet ds.

Conclusion?

Wrap him up in a blanket and sit on him!

Moonlight it sounds like you've been through a lot, sounds like an uphill struggle.

I would get very frustrated at constantly being questioned as to how I know he can do something. I'm sure the staff at the school think when I tell them DS is so good at home, maybe they think I'm in denial. I would love for them to come and observe him at home, or for me to film him at home and them to film him at school so we can compare.

Givememoresleep Sensory Integration Disorder is what I would like him to be assessed for, if only to rule it out. I will make an app with the GP in that case. Thank you.

harrisonnn

I don't know where you live, but it would be sensible to research what you want the GP to refer you to i.e. Occupational Therapist, and get their address and phone number and even call them beforehand to ask the protocol for referral and the criteria they use to accept a referral.

I know this sounds like hard work, but it will reduce the potential for the GP to fob you off.

My GP said 'Only adults get referred to OT, I've never referred a child' and it was useful to then say 'well what is the point of x hospital having a paediatric OT department then?'. The GP actually wasn't deliberately trying to fob me off in that case, just hadn't heard of OT for children .

In actual fact, he is still 'researching' whether or not it is appopriate for us to have an OT referral and a month has passed. In the meantime I phoned the Head of Children's OT every single time that DS was driving me mad with his sensory problems and she came round yesterday without a referral.

Harrisonnnn - sensory problems are part of my DS's dyspraxia too so it is worrying that the senco only associates sensory problems ASDs.

I agree that the OTs should have some input.

Do Sencos have to have training? I do wonder if they they know anything more than the average teacher sometimes.

DoNotPressTheRedButton - I am a teeny weeny bit scared that you think you might know me. I don't think anybody has ever recognised me before!!

Have you had a look at my profile? Do you recognise my DSs?

Don't have the ability to CAT at the mo I will sort it out later!

Niecie PMSL- on here you daft woman (second time I have scared someone in a month doing that sorry, its the perils of name changing)

As we are amongst 'friends' am peachy in guise-of-the-week

I did wonder if it was you but I kept thinking all sorts of things as nobody has ever suggested I CAT them before.

I was just hoping it wasn't somebody I know in RL and I hadn't realised they had a SN child. Or you were my cousin that I haven't seen in 30 yrs who I have just 'met' on FB. One of her boys has sensory issues although I don't know the details.

I can't cope with name changes!! I would change my own if I thought I might remember a new one.

Have you been away or have you been changing names regularly?

I have not posted before but I hope this might help. I am ASD and have a son with Apergers.

He struggled with school and was no problem at home. With hindsight I wish that I had home schooled him (the advice from the esperts was to keep him in school for social reasons but he had no friends!)

With respect to star charts etc I don't think that they work with people like myself and my son because people like us tend not to be competitive - we don't see the point and collecting stars to please someone else is not something we would consider.

Behaviour at home is OK because we are not stressed at home.

School is extremely stressful because children are milling around and you do not feel safe. Main stream schooling does not provide a "safe" environment but there is little alternative. (I always tried to sit next to a wall in class but my schooling was very traditional and there was no talking in class or moving about so it was not too bad). My son found children moving about near him very frightening.

The worst situation at school is playtime. My son preferred to stay in the library but this was not always permitted.

I don't want to be entirely negative but even with a diagnosis we got little support but I hope things have changed. But that said a diagnosis provides an explanation and is helpful for parent and child. I was always being blamed for being a poor parent although my daughter would say well two of us are OK so it can't be your fault. Since leaving school he is employed and relatively happy.

lastly it is not always true about lack of eye contact. Although my son would not look at me as a baby he is OK now (whilst I am not) and neither of us take things literally and we both enjoy jokes and puns.

1wombat

Wow, what a great first post. Thank you.

It is also really refreshing to hear some myths busted. We are struggling enough as parents and it is really hard to tell the 'professionals' that they are talking bollocks when they say things such as:

'He has autism so he is a visual learner', or 'he won't understand jokes' (he does) or 'use friggin star charts' (again we have found completely useless and irrelevant anyway because we have our own way of convincing him to do things).

Thanks again.

Thank you for posting 1Wombat. That was really interesting.

It sounds like you have had a very similar experience to the OP. I am sorry you haven't found having a dx helpful either. Nobody wants to do much to help the AS child, do they? My DS gets help but with his motor skills and dyspraxia rather than the AS and it seems daft tbh.

I understand that not all ASD children have problems with being literal or eye contact etc (my DS doesn't have problems with these either). My point earlier though, was that the OP's child does have trouble with them yet the professionals don't seem to see that he has these problems at home as well as at school. The idea that he is OK at home and therefore he can't have a dx seems to me just odd and not at all helpful to the harrisonnnn and her DS who just want to know what is going on!!

Nievccie beena way AND namechanged for a bit about to start a post grad, Dh starting Uni tomorrow so needed a break / to escape MN then sneak back IYSWIM.

Wombat- interesting post. Sadly I don't think things have changed much- I have 2 boys on the spectrum, one more severe and requiring SNU provision- and neitehr gets help in any way beyond school, SSd quite open about how they can't with ASD as there are simply too many people being diagnosed (genuinely IMO) now.

1wombat thank you for sharing your experiences, it all helps and it is helpful to hear form someone with ASD herself.

I have thought long and hard about home schooling DS myself, although for him I know that school is important as he has a very close group of friends and is very popular in general in school and likes going to school. That's another puzzling thing, for all the difficulties he has at school he has never complained about going or fought it ortried to dtay at home, he enjoyes going and looks forward to going back to school after the holidays.

I want to post more but it's late and I'm tired, so I will come back to this tomorrow sometime.

You know harrisonnn, when you kid has special needs, the sky is the limit wrt possibilities. You'll probably have a fight on your hands to realise some opportunities, but he could attend school part-time if the long day is too stressful for him, and you could go to theme parks tutor him at home to make sure he doesn't fall behind.

It is really refreshing to hear other people say that star charts etc. don't work. They don't work with DS, no kind of visual but ultimately meaningless reward things work with him, pasta jars, star/sticker charts etc.

Moonlight it is refreshing to hear that, sometimes you get so stuck on problems it's hard to see the wood for the trees.

In an ideal world in my mind I like the idea of home schooling, but I am seeing it is a romantic rose tinted way I think

Morning Harrison - Argh at the school for sending him home. A child with special needs, cannot try harder, , or improve motivation on their own, they need help to learn how to do those things.

I can totally understand your frustration, my son is on the special needs action plus register at school, but gets no extra help from the school or outside agencies, im still fighting now just to get an IEP in place for him.

Havent read all the messages on this thread, does your son get any help at all from anyone?

everyone who knows DS outside of school, so all my family and friends, are shocked and horrified i
when I mention his difficulties at school and the possibility of special needs (not that I talk to everyone about it or label him or anything) and they all say "but that's just XX, he's unique, he's special, but he's lovely!!"

So it's nice to talk to people on MN with similar experiences, without people just trying to reassure me that nothing's wrong.

I don't think, on the whole, people he meets in life need any kind of explanation form me do they? I'm not making sense, sorry, what do other people do? Do you inform people in advance, like club leaders etc.?

claw3 last year he had a TA in the classroom that was there for him and another girl, full time, but this year he no longer has this and there is just a general TA in the mornings for the whole class, so it's a big change for him.

As well as this, they have taken away his 'work station' that he had last year and now want him to work at the tables with all the other children (something he struggles with but he has managed to do all his work this year so far, last year he did virtually no work, instead reading at his work station or playing on the computer).

They have also taken all the computers out of the classroom in order to minimise distraction for him, which I think on the whole is a good idea, and in the old cloakroom outside the classroom they hve removed everything, painted it white and out a beanbag in there. This is now his 'quiet place' where he is meant to take himself when he gets too stressed and needs to be alone. He is allowed to read here but there are no other distractions there for him.

On the whole there are extra staff members available if the teacher needs help in the classroom, it is a very small school and he has the same teacher in the same classroom as last year and he knows all the other support staff quite well too.

The thing that struck me in your op was the taking off shoes, socks etc, hiding under tables and roaring. My son son hides and hisses like a snake!

Does he have problems with eating?

Being touched by people he doesnt know well?

Loud noises?

Fussy about clothes?

Today DS is off school due to a bad night full of asthma attacks and coughing fits, and he is now in the process of very succesfully debating what board game to play with my three sisters and brother in law who are visiting, and he is putting forward really good arguments for why we should play monopoly and not scrabble. He is attempting to convince people, compromise, debate with pretty good arguments, not getting shouty or aggresive or insisting on anything, just doing a very good job of articulately convincing everyone to agree to something he wants and contribute to a conversation with ofur adults in a mature way. Executive desision making and then convincing everyone else it is the right decision to make

I wish the school could see this side of him.

Does he have problems with eating?

No, apart form not eating potateos in any form or shape he is a good eater and not fussy or scared of new things.

Being touched by people he doesnt know well?

This has caused melt-downs in school, to the point where he will flip out and go uncontrolable if they try to physically touch him, but at home and with family and friends he is very physical, especially with me, he likes and needs physical contact and I can calm him down with a tight bear hug. I pretty much carried him for the first year of his life and still carried him a lot till he was 3 or 4.

Loud noises?

These used to bother him more than they do now but he can still react more than you might expect to a loud noise that he wasn't expecting. Some music he hates and turns off immediately if it omes on on the radio for example, it seems to be more high pitched music.

Fussy about clothes?

No not at all, any more than any other boy (in that he once took a jumper off that was too 'itchy' and now won't wear it, but will usually just put on whatever he grabs from his cupboard).

Are you thinking Sensory processing disorder or whatever it's called? Some boxes he ticks, some he doesn't.

Yesterday he bacame hysterical with worry when my sis got on my dad's motorbike and it fell over (it knocked him as it fell) and when my BIl bicked it up some petrol dripped off. He screamed "it's leaking it's leaking" with real panic in his voice and the hugged into me for about ten minutes with his head buried in my shoulder, and only after then could we convince him that the petrol tank wasn't leaking and it was ok, but we had to show him before he was convinced.

He gets very anxious and worried about things like leaking petrol.

He also, come to think of it, absolutely refuses to let me ride on s motorbike and I have had to promise him many times that I will not, and I don't as a result, despite lots of members of the family owning bikes, ever ride pilion with them, as he is too worried "that you will have an accident and fall off mummy".

Because it is not an entirely irraitional fear, I do take his wishes seriously and respect this request form him that I never get on one. Is this a normal kind of thing for a 6 yr old or more something a child with special needs might have?

Sorry if I am asking some strange questions, I just want to clarify some things.

Yes, my son has sensory modulation disorder which is a type of sensory processing disorder. I found my sons behaviour very conflicting at times ie he could have melt downs from touch, but craved hugs. He oscillates from being over friendly and forward to not wanting anyone to even look at him.

Some children can cope very well with it and perhaps only have a mild form, others it effects their daily functioning quite badly.

I have a check list bookmarked, if this would be of any help to you?

yes please claw, that would be very useful.

He sertainly does have sensory issues, with grouds of people being hard to cope with.

He absoutely hates party entertainers, from when he was very young, and wouldn't go in the room they where performing in at parties. Come to think of it he doesn't like aprties much either.

He has always refused to let us ding happy birthday on his birthday,, and has only ever wanted his two or three closest frineds to his birthdays.

He hates a fuss made of him, for axample he would ratherr open birthday presents facing away from everyone (my family are quite big so birthdays involve a lot of people together at once). He hates surprises and will slowly open presents so he can see what it is in little bits, never reacts openly when he gets something he's always wanted (although he's obviously pleased and will say thank you etc etc) but it's the initial shock to him that he makes sure he is in control of his emotions in that way.

Come to think of it, unless he is having a melt-down he is very much in control of his emotions. Not that he doesn' show them, but he's very much in control. He cries quietly, he doesn't have tantrums or shout or scream loudly. If he wants something is a shop and I say no he might try to persuade me otherwise, but he won't just shout or be angry or wail "but I want it" or anything, he's more likely to say "I'm very cross with you mum, I wanted that lego cement mixer, I don't have one and the bit at the back spins, I won;t let you get what you want if you don't get it for me" but he will still accept that I'm not getting it and not push the matter.

He sounds very similar to my son, intellectually and academically my son doesnt seem to have too many problems at the moment, but again very conflicting. He is 5.5 years old and can recognise all his letters etc, but he cannot recite a nursery rhyme!

In fact as a baby/toddler his behaviour was too good to be true. He is polite and well mannered, until he has a melt down. The singing happy birthday and present is exactly the same as my son. My ds is also the same, he rarely asks for toys, in fact he rarely plays with toys. Other than lego, cars and puzzles and drawings.

His lego models are very complex, his drawings are very realistic and detailed and he can do 200 piece puzzles without looking at the picture. I always saw this as brilliant and a sign of intelligence. Once i understood his disorder a bit more, i saw that this was part of the disorder, he pays such attention to detail and patterns, he is unable to see 'the bigger picture'.

My ds very rarely cries, his melt downs usually involve sinking to the floor very passively or refusal and its only if you persist with whatever he doesnt want to do, that he will eventually flare up.

Anyhow here is the link, hope it is of some use to you. My son is over responsive in some areas, under responsive in others and sensory seeking in others too.

www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-processing-disorder-checklist.html

"but he cannot recite a nursery rhyme! "

Cannot or will not claw?

I think, with my DS, although he could do a lot of things, in that he has the baility to, it is an active choice on his part not to, for whatever reason.

Have only read the first bit of your post, off to read the rest now!

Thanks for taking the itme to reply. I cannot be bothered to name change actually.