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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Original poster

why do you do it, you know it will hurt and consume you

68 replies

2shoes · 25/05/2009 15:20

but still you allow yourself to do it.....
yes you
you continue to post on that thread, even though you know you will never win, the same people will still post "oh i aggree with ££££" even if they han't really got a clue.
so come on why??

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 25/05/2009 15:33

poor 2shoes

it's like picking at a scab, you know it will hurt, and it will make the healing time longer, and it won't do any good - but it's YOUR scab, and you just can't leave it alone

It's one of the downsides of MN I think - however many times you say the right things to adjust people's attitudes, there are always more people, more prejudices, more ignorance.

You need to pace yourself and take care of yourself. Remember that a lot of the time the people who are dbating it online are doing so in a dispassionate way, from the point of view of intellectual interest. They aren't necessarily living a life like yours, where these issues are at the centre of your world and every word anyone says about them is injuring you

sarah293 · 25/05/2009 16:22

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Greensleeves · 25/05/2009 16:25

you KNOW it isn't. xx

sarah293 · 25/05/2009 16:26

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Original poster
2shoes · 25/05/2009 16:57

so why is dd so smiley??
is she mad

OP posts:
sarah293 · 25/05/2009 17:01

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Original poster
2shoes · 25/05/2009 17:13

oh do. I know you started it, but you probally hoped for that breeak through..... but it never happens on here, just same old same old

OP posts:
anonandlikeit · 25/05/2009 17:19

What thread??

sarah293 · 25/05/2009 17:21

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Original poster
2shoes · 25/05/2009 17:34

I am being told that the topic is about chices
tell me riven did some one say to you"hey riven would you rather we didn't cock your dd's birth up?" cos they didn't say that to me,
so wear was the choice.

OP posts:
sarah293 · 25/05/2009 17:35

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sarah293 · 25/05/2009 17:36

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Original poster
2shoes · 25/05/2009 17:37

oh I love it when someone aggrees with me

OP posts:
LollipopViolet · 25/05/2009 20:01

^sensitive post here folks^

What half the people who post on threads like that don't realise is I'm NT pretty much, just the eyesight that failed. At 18 months old. Guess my mum should've put me out of my misery eh?

But I've not suffered because of my sight. I've suffered because close minded people found me an easy target to bully and nearly drove me to suicide.

Some people need to walk a mile in others' shoes. Grrr.

sarah293 · 25/05/2009 20:05

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LollipopViolet · 25/05/2009 20:12

It's OK. Well, it's not, the mental scars are still there, but I'm over the "I don't want to do this anymore" stage I was in a few years back. I suppose when I have kids I'll learn the same thing, you do have bad times, but if you love your child you'll always dig deep and find the strength to get through it. There are plenty of things in my life that make me unhappy, sometimes my sight is one of them, other times it's not. But it's me, and I wouldn't change me for the world.

Thunderduck · 25/05/2009 20:14

Which thread are we discussing if I may ask?

amberlight · 25/05/2009 20:16

Weirdly, I've coped fairly ok on that debate. Extra strategies from autism support for this last couple of weeks seem to be working a bit, and maybe because I know what people are likely to say now and it's not totally any more. But it's still sad reading for those with a disability or who are caring for a disabled child. The debate is really needed, but there are certainly a few astonishing beliefs.
I've also realised that if people don't have full vision, my smiley faces I put in to help me might read ok, so I'd better put in the words too. Sorry about that.

LollipopViolet · 25/05/2009 20:27

I know WannaBe said her screen reader can't do smilies, but I find them good because the break up the text. I hope people found the warning before my first post helpful, I know it can be a sensitive subject.

saintlydamemrsturnip · 25/05/2009 20:30

I think what I find hard is that when you say your child is happy (and ds1 really is, doesn't mean his disability is easy, or not challenging, but I honestly cannot say he's unhappy he's a remarkably happy child) you get treated as if you're in some sort of denial, or unable to contemplate your child might be suffering terribly.

Hey ho. It's a bit like when you say your child regressed. People assume you just imagined them talking

We mother's are all thick you know?

lou031205 · 25/05/2009 20:41

All you can hope is that some of what you say rubs off on them. Gradually changes them. I know that it isn't your job, and shouldn't be, but without people like you, everything stays the same.

DD is special because of her SN. I can't put it into words, but there is just something about her that sparkles.

I left her at Ikea's smalland play area on Saturday (no other children, bizarrely, so 4:1 care - better than preschool and they give you a pager so they can contact you if they need you!) and they were all cooing over her when I collected her. They commented on her love for the toilets!

Those posters are saying that she should not be here. They have no idea what they are saying.

They aren't talking about my DD, or you, lollipop, or Amber, or your DC, Riven & 2shoes. They are talking about "them". The faceless "disabled".

Take care of yourselves

amberlight · 25/05/2009 20:46

It's always difficult trying to say something useful about any disability. If you (i.e. any one of us) generalise, people may say that you are only capable of speaking for yourself. And if you speak for yourself, people may say that you don't have the overview to speak for others. If you have a cognitive disability, people may discount what you say because you're perceived not to be in full possession of your brainpower (er, maybe true in my case, can't say for sure...). and if you don't have a cognitive disability, then 'you can't possibly know what it's like therefore it's irrelevant'.

It makes my brain hurt.

anonandlikeit · 25/05/2009 20:50

TBH I read & without even looking to see who the posters were I could tell which posts were written by those with experience of sn & those who just felt they needed to voice IMHO an ill informed opinion

Even before I had ds2 I was appaled by the lack of choice offered. When I was expecting ds1 I was given an appnt for "routine bloods" in my naiviety i turned up for my blood test & had in complete ignorance undergone antenatal testing.

I'm not against testing but it should be a choice & it seems in many cases if you don't positively opt out of testing there is no choice offered.

My ds2 is a happy child most of the time but he at times finds the world a confusing & scary place & is soemtimes distressed & unhappy too.

TallulahToo · 25/05/2009 20:52

Hi ladies, feeling a bit bold this evening so I want to ask which thread are you talking about... want to go over and exercise my own freedom of speech. (In a non-confrontational way, of course).

I hate it when people represent themselves as speaking on great authority or on behalf of the majority. And I certainly hate it when they think they speak on behalf of "All" parents. So where can I find them?

LollipopViolet · 25/05/2009 20:58

I don't want to post on that thread but xenia's posts have got my blood boiling....grrr makes me worry about where us humans are heading...