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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Original poster

why do you do it, you know it will hurt and consume you

68 replies

2shoes · 25/05/2009 15:20

but still you allow yourself to do it.....
yes you
you continue to post on that thread, even though you know you will never win, the same people will still post "oh i aggree with ££££" even if they han't really got a clue.
so come on why??

OP posts:
amberlight · 25/05/2009 20:58

Try in the antenatal tests and choices board. No mistaking which thread it is there.

LollipopViolet · 25/05/2009 21:03

Not being ready for kids yet I didn't notice that board had appeared

Shells · 25/05/2009 21:22

I'm totally gobsmacked by the 'conversations at dinner' comments. Is that really a reason to have children?
Astonishing.

LollipopViolet · 25/05/2009 21:29

I know. I've posted on that thread now. I'll probably regret it later but hey, someone said more of us who've lived with something all our lives should post so I did.

wrinklytum · 25/05/2009 21:44

LV it was a great post

I am gutted dd will never hold an intelligent dinner convo,or go skiing

The woman is barking.I am sure she is a troll.A very unkind one at that.

psychomum5 · 25/05/2009 21:44

riven and 2shoes.........

I know you cannot see it at the moment, with all the ignorance being displayed, but you are doing a great thing when you post about how you lives are.

my views on disability and termination were very much set before having my children, then when I had DD1 I started to realise that whatever I had previously thought, those feelings were changed irevocably (sp?), for the better.......there is no way ever that I would ever not have one of my babies, regardless. as you say, disability has many forms, many of them hidden, and some of the most extreme can come thru accident or illness, or simple fuck-ups by the medical profession!

my views have ALSO been changed by being on MN, and reading about the different lives, the joy (and the heartache) that your children have. but you know what, the worries you have about them, and the love you display for them, they are really no different to how I feel about my children.

you have taught me a lot..............and you have the wonderful ability to teach others, altho I am sure that some are still not (but surely that is their loss, not yours!)

it is fear tho which is at the bottom of a lot of it. not fear of the child, fear of something in yourself not being good enough (well, I say that.....that is what it was for me - altho maybe I really should not project onto others.) I was always scared of any form of disabilty.............due to my mother...........I am different now tho to the person I was. people can be taught!

Peanut08 · 25/05/2009 22:50

Just wanted to say thankyou to those who supported my posts on this thread. This was the first thread I've been on where people were debating and felt I needed to make some contribution. I don't have a great deal of knowledge about SN in general only really my DS's condition and though some of the comments were difficult to read at times (and also bloody ignorant at others) I hope that in some way it may help someone who was in my position last year.
What strikes me the most is that people don't think DS, me and my family can be happy because he has a disability it is assumed that he must be a burden and I've had a few pitying looks in the real world unfortunatly it's people's attitudes that are the real barrier.

saintlydamemrsturnip · 25/05/2009 22:54

Peanut- your opinion is probably one of the most valid on there as you did know beforehand and decided to continue.

If those threads ever become too much never feel obliged to post though- sometimes it's too difficult.

Peanut08 · 25/05/2009 23:10

Thankyou Saintly, think I've finished on there for now and a large glass of wine is in order (well it is half term)

sarah293 · 26/05/2009 08:50

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slightlycrumpled · 26/05/2009 09:01

I rocked up, got pissed off, upset a poster and left!

Peanut, I just wanted to agree with what MrsT said to you, don't feel you have to offer your story at a detriment to your own feelings, (although I thought your posts were brilliant!).

Riven, yes those comments were spectacularly bad. Those thoughts must be in a minority surely.

My parents came up for the day yesterday and we were chatting about DS2 and his future etc, as my mum was nosing her way through his home/school diary, and she told me that one of her secretaries has DS. I said that I hadn't known that and how long has she worked there? Years apparently, mum just hadn't seen it as relevant, she is who she is.

No point to that story really but it made me smile yesterday when my mum was telling me.

psychomum5 · 26/05/2009 09:03

I know they were. but then, xenia has a different mindset to a LOT of us on here. she has a similar view on SAHM, and is pretty vocal on that in a very abrupt, (condescending at times) way.

My take of xenia, TBVH, is that anyone who has a life different to her is so alien to her mindset that she just cannot 'get it', and so tries to educate us to see that our lives do not have to be as we live them.

please try not to take it to heart. I know that is hard - it is very very true that the bad stuff is easier to believe as it plays on our own insecurities about ourselves - but anyone who has a closed mind to anything other than their own lives really do have to be felt for. (well, unless of course they start with the insults and nasty behaviour. they just need slapping then IMVHO)

cory · 26/05/2009 09:33

some people do seem to rely on having such very organised and predictable lives that you do wonder how they ever came to take the risk of having children at all

surely any ditching of condoms has got to be a great big step into the unknown?

sarah293 · 26/05/2009 09:41

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Original poster
2shoes · 26/05/2009 15:13

psychomum5 and Greensleeves lovely posts. I was lucky my internet brole last night so was spare seeing more of the crap on that thread.

OP posts:
LollipopViolet · 26/05/2009 15:27

Oh I posted on there and I'm surprised how it was recieved tbh, I was so annoyed when I typed it out I was sure I'd annoyed someone!

FioFio · 26/05/2009 17:21

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Original poster
2shoes · 26/05/2009 17:43

don't do it fio.......please don't

OP posts:
FioFio · 26/05/2009 17:49

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saintlydamemrsturnip · 26/05/2009 19:42

oh fab post fio. I had to explain how I could possibly work full time when people on SN say childcare issues are difficult.

I'd even said in my post that childcare was a big issue.

How dare I complain about lack of childcare when I work. FFS.

LollipopViolet · 26/05/2009 20:14

I'm quite ticked off by someone telling WannaBe to proof read what she's written, even after she mentioned her disability. Speech software doesn't do inflections...grrr.

amberlight · 26/05/2009 20:28

I can't see anything wrong with Wannabe's writings. It's totally true that if you get pregnant, there's a risk of a child with a disability. Nothing changes that general risk, though you can reduce the odds from 14% to 13.5% with testing (if my maths is right). So if people are scared silly of disability, they really do need to consider whether having children is ok for them. If it is ok for them, fine. If not ok, fine. It's up to them. But the risk doesn't go away with the test.

saintlydamemrsturnip · 26/05/2009 20:33

oh that's an interesting figure.

amberlight · 26/05/2009 20:36

It's a back-of-the-envelope calculation, based on the number of disabilities there are, the total in the population, and the number that can be accurately tested for. Not very good science, but it's a start.

saintlydamemrsturnip · 26/05/2009 20:37

The overall risk of disability is pretty high then isn't it.