How do you look after your own mental health?

[nikos]

A couple of things have happened recently that have made me feel really 'close to the edge'. I've never been depressed before and know that it is circumstances that are making me feel so stressed. So would really like to be proactive here and hope we could share some experiences of what you do to keep yourself sane.
I'm currently taking my drug of choice which is a large glass of white. Anyone want to offer their coping strategies?

I have an allotment. Dh cannot complain about being left to look after ds when I'm leaning on a spade chatting to other tenants working hard to grow fresh food for us all!

I know what you mean, I work 2 days a week and the in laws look after my three. That's my time off!!!But Ido really enjoy it and it's a low stress scenario so very good for clearing my head.

sometimes i want to yell what about me , but then theres no one to listen anyway.

I just keep going and when it gets to much i take myself of and have a weep.

I know I feel worse when I let my thoughts run away with me,'ds will always be like this', 'this is what mylife will be like forever', 'what will his future be like', 'the house is a tip'. If my thoughts are quite negative everything seems to get on top of me. I wondered about CBT therapy (think it teaches you to change your thinking) might help.
Jusr starting my second glass of wine, if anyone else would like one.

The best thing I've done for my mental health is exercise. With no possiblity of getting to the gym or any classes in the evening,since the clocks changed I've been taking the dogs out for half an hour at about six in the morning - sounds mad, but everyone else is asleep so they don't even know I'm gone. Getting up earlier doesn't actually make me any more tired- if anything I have more energy and definately more positive mentally.
Still do crying though - sometimes there's just no other option!

I go out for coffee with the girls once a month, no kids! I say I'll be an hour or two, but we usually get kicked out at closing time (the coffee shop that is). Sometimes I just feel like I don;t want to go home to what will be waiting for me

I tried a few things - so have namechanged to save blushes .

Going out with the girls - Didn't work - They have no idea what my life is like now. So usually felt alienated / on the edge of society.

Went out to work - Boss couldn't or wouldn't allow me even to use my annual leave to attend appointments with my DC. But colleagues suspected I had favourable treatment because of DC!

Hobby - Exercise - only possible to find time when DH returns home in the evening then I am too tired to move.

Anti-Depresants - Prescribed by GP. Much worse feelings at first, then pretty good but never felt like me.

Counselling - Now trying it & paying £50+ per session for the priviledge. Feeling a little better about things at the moment as it reminds me that my identity is not "Disability Mum". I have another identity too - just need to find it and work on it.

I often feel this, particularly recently. I am so so worried about what will happen when I can't physically manage J anymore - not long to go . I'm also terrified about what lies ahead when he's an adult and find it hard to live in the here and now.

I usually get to a stage when I have to say to J's psychiatrist or social worker - I'm not coping well with him at the moment; I'm coping day-to-day but not feeling OK - and they are usually really good and provide moral support or push for more respite or something. J gets 5 hours a week and it may increase soon.

I'm also lucky enough to have some very close friends who provide moral support and J's dad will (sometimes) babysit so that I can go out and get drunk have fun.

I often find that saying it calms me down, because it's the build up of panic and stress that gets me so stressed.

I often wonder where the edge is and how close someone can come to it without going over, but I know that I have people who will step in if I need them to.

It also helps that I usually have the evenings with J asleep (if not through the night ) so I do get internet, TV, reading, talking on the phone to friends time. Wouldn't cope without that.

I bake.

I always thought I could cope with it all, indestructable me.. but then after 6 yrs of juggling everything it caught up with me.
I ended up having 3 months off work with exhaustion, I just needed to rest & let other people help more.
Now I feel like my old self & only now I realise how on the edge i'd been for a long while.

Now I pace myself, I say NO to people if there are not enough hours in the day, if I've had a busy day i either go for a walk or have a long soak in the bath when the DS'S are in bed.
I also am more open, before I wouldn't share
anything with anyone fror fear of worrying family etc but now I speak to anyone that will listen. I also had counselling that helped.
I think you need to find what works for you, but I don't know any Mums of children with sn that haven't had their wobbly moments.

Givemesleep: Been over the edge - ! Not a great place to be. Felt like strings had been cut, heart ripped out and all energy lost.

There's a problem with us SN mums being expected to shoulder the whole workload and that is it is such a heavy/unusual shaped load that it only takes a few more straws to make us buckle a little. In my own case, I had several serious life-changing events happen within a very short period of time. No time allowed to pause for breath and get over each hurdle. Can only describe it as some sort of water damn that builds up with a stone from each event/issue until it finally collapses. We need time to move each stone and place it out of the way. Have learned this lesson now and will always be on the lookout for any build up again.

Thats exactly it Wednesdayschild looking back, ther were so many warning signs that I was taking on too much & being too har don myself.
Now I think i'd recognise the signs earlier & do something about it.
Remember that old saying, if you don't do anything different nothing will change.. or something like that.

I find I'm getting my stress release from having mega angry outbursts, and I do genuinely feel better after these, but I'm not sure it is good for us all to have me doing that. Ds' behaviour does seem to improve after them, which sometimes makes me think I might be cutting him too much slack because of his asd .

I have just been visited finally by the disability social worker, luckily she was quite understanding. She said immediately that she could see that I was on edge, that my 6 year old had no sense of danger (he tried to run out of the house 10 or 11 times while she was here, and took his two year old brother with him. I locked the door and he opened it, finally trying to take the door off its hinges! Eventually he agreed that it would be nice to go on pc in daddy's office, after trying to hide under table, and a tantrum. It was good to feel like someone was listening to me, I even cried, I was so embarrassed. She agreed that he was extremely exhausting, and that he would get 4 hours a week, and may need two carers with him. She told me I should get higher rate care/hrm for him and that she hadn't seen a boy like this for a while, I am just too exhausted to go through dla hassles again though.
I am so looking forward to the respite, he will also be on a holiday scheme for summer, will be fantastic for him.
She is going to definately going to give support with his requirement for more 1:1 hours at school.
Also the melatonin helps with sleep, but he still gets up in the night/ wakes up 5am.
I am shattered, I even told his psych at camhs that sometimes I want to lock him in a room where he can no longer be a danger to himself or anyone else, and that I am going to soon be left with no choice if we don't get the help we need. I think this week those that should help are finally listening because I have started screaming and threatening, and giving them taste of the desperation I feel each day. Now that was a relief!
Apart from that I love the internet, my laptop is my constant companion, and trashy comedies, re-runs of friends.

For those who have not yet experienced the signes, (I say not yet because I now know that it really can happen to anyone)....

Early signs for me were:

Lack of energy
Poor concentration
Failing decision making ability (affects ability to hold down a job or run the home)
Extra high happy times - because the lows were so bad.
Inability to explain or defend myself.
Social withdrawl.

Later signs:

Extreme emotional upset - cry for no reason but unable to control it.
Unable to get out of bed on a morning.
Sleeping during the day.
Unable to hold a conversation or even any interest in interacting.
Poor facial recognition.
Couldn't even make a phone call in case I fell apart midway through.

Good News: I got through it and the family survived. Time really is the best healer but a little help makes it easier.

Been seeing a counsellor since September 08; I now see her about once a fortnight or once a month depending on holidays and other commitments.

Mind Over Mood - is quite a good straightfoward CBT book, for those who are interested. A lot of GP's surgerys (certainly here in NI) offer CBT counsellors, although, there are waiting lists.

I dug my vegetable patch this evening - sadly it has only 5 strawberry plants in it but that is better than nothing.

A good cry.

Counselling has been the most valuable thing I have ever done for my mental health. It was bloody scary but it clears my head and she was brilliant about my feelings around DS2 , his dx,(asd) etc and his siblings. It has been expensive and I am mostly skint but it is the best money I have ever spent.

Wednesdaychild, you have described my life .

Hey wednesdays child that was me last year

I use my carers allowance to fund counselling sessions. Why is it counselling isn't offered as standard for parents going through the dx and after?

nikos? What about you? Do you recognise any of these?

Today, dh told me he would like to have a conversation with me which was not about autism/education issues/6year old ds/adhd and drugs/anything at all. I had such a row with him and basically said that I can't have that luxury, I wish I could, but every second of my life is that and nothing else. I feel that he wants out of everything, wheras the reality for us as a family is what it is, and I have no choice, and I told him that if he didn't like it then I don't have the strength to take care of that for him and he should just go, because I am spent, nothing left in reserve, taking care of everything

Yes, there should be councelling