How do you look after your own mental health?

[nikos]

A couple of things have happened recently that have made me feel really 'close to the edge'. I've never been depressed before and know that it is circumstances that are making me feel so stressed. So would really like to be proactive here and hope we could share some experiences of what you do to keep yourself sane.
I'm currently taking my drug of choice which is a large glass of white. Anyone want to offer their coping strategies?

It is a bit different each time I don't feel good. I am better at spotting when I am sinking now.

Sitting outside for a 5 minute silent time is one help. Saying fruit and veg as I go round the supermarket helps as I then choose food which helps my brain to connect a bit better (I have been doing this over the past couple of weeks).

Sleeping. Hot water bottle, warm dressing gown and soft socks. Phoning my brother. Phoning a friend and asking if I can come round. Comfort food is a big help, it's reassuring and familiar and doesn't ask questions.

Finding an online group which is suited to my situation and blurting things out in a Help! intro. I did this last year when things were particularly rough.

Dh and I both part time work so can share childcare - I do get the break of working outside home 2 days a week.. Feel it's nearly always possible to not think about my problems - it's necessary too when I'm working and that feels a relief.

I feel mentally better after having dh take kids out for few hours so can sort house/ admin and get things clearer at home. My real treat is to do this playing loud music and singing loudly.. or I listen to Womens Hour as I'm working away..

I surf the net, watch telly and if I know I need a good cry but can't get to emotional stuff easily then I'll watch favourite episodes of ER to get me going..

I try and force myself to go to a monthly book group I've been in from before had kids. I never read the book these days coz just can't manage it but they don't seem to mind. It's a close group of lovely women and I get a lot of support from them.

I've had counselling too and recommend it. Had years of it. Without it would probably have never had kids at all. Found psychodynamic work - looking at your childhood/past and making connections with what resources you have now and stuff like that more helpful myself than CBT which although useful never really shifted deeper stuff.. Had some really tough but incredible sessions recently offered from a voluntary agency for parents with child with disability. Was really helpful but know I will want to have more in the future.
I work in that field now and have a lot of supportive colleagues too. Also currently having family therapy on NHS which our health visitor referred us too. It's been really good and helped tricky relationship stuff.

I used to smoke years ago and often wished I still do but wine, chocolate and crisps and other unhealthy food my downfall these days. dh knows it's been a bad day when the fridge has choclate eclairs and pork pies!

I get very angry a lot and tearful but want to try and be calmer around the kids for their sake. Struggling to do that but sometimes I just want to run away from it all. Posting it all out in forums or sometimes writing it in journal or letter helps. Sorry such long post - helped me feel bit better after a crappy day..

Interesting you say that about counselling - I absolutely hated the tell me about your childhood/give your inner child a hug stuff, I much preferred CBT.

OJ - very sorry that you aren't getting better support or respite.

btw DJ I do the monthly book group too, I found it a sanity saver, as it was something completely unconnected with "child" world. As sometimes even with very nice friends with children it gets a bit much for one reason or antoher.

There isn't any counselling for people with an ASD, nor any properly set out CBT. And it can be a problem or even a danger for us to use the ordinary sort, since the advice and methods are set up for NT people. I've tried it, and it's been a disaster for me because people aren't trained to use really clear language and give really clear instructions. And some of the relaxation exercises mean very different things to me than they're supposed to, because of the sensory differences.

"You can release a lot of tension by clenching your fists and then slowly relaxing them". No, that makes me absolutely panic-stricken actually.

"Try slowing down your breathing pattern using this method" That caused me to actually have a panic attack because I obsess over my breathing if I focus on it, then I can't get it back into a proper pattern again.

"Imagine you're on a beach and stepping into the sea" Someone have me shot right now please - sand everywhere, huge fear of water,etc...

And we react often badly to most antidepressants etc because of the brain wiring differences.

amber - what sort (if any) of talking treatment do you think would work best? if CBT could be adapted would that help?

I had counselling about eighteen months ago and it did really help. I didn't have to go back over my life actually, just about the things that were upsetting me currently.

It did actually improve for me once he was diagnosed as things started to improve for him as they were finally able to sort his medication out. Part of the battle was over I guess.

Once DS2 started school it was easier in that I had the time to go and do things for myself again and got a bit of head space, but now eight months later is when I've started to get a bit lonely. Work is tricky as we still have endless hospital appointments, he is still poorly frequently and in all it makes me a terrible employee. So I am self employed and am just going through training as a homestart volunteer.

Really, for me its time to think, get my head straight and someone unattached to us to talk to. I can to talk to my mum/ MIL/ DH/DB etc about anything but I cannot bare to see them ever upset about it.

OJ. Enjoy your few days in the summer, plan things to do but remember to leave yourself time to just be quiet iykwim.

TotalChaos, the sort where I can ask a straightforward question of an expert and get a straightforward answer to whatever's bothering me. Practical advice. Fact, info, statistics, research-papers. 100% different from the feelings and ego and self-worth approaches.

The standard counselling approaches are, for me, more like trying to correct a computer problem by sitting in front of your computer and saying to it "So how do you feel about your software not working today - was there a problem in your early life as a laptop that you wish to discuss with me?". You'll not get a lot of useful response. That might not be true for all people with an ASD. Some have much better wiring to the people bits, and may benefit from that kind of approach a bit, but it does need adapting to be really clear, really straightforward.

People hate it when I use the computer example, but sometimes that's exactly what it's like for me.

Another set of questions that got an counsellor nowhere at all:

"Tell me about yourself"

"What do you want to know?"

"That's up to you - what do you think I should know?"

"I have no idea what you think I should know, because I have almost no theory of mind. Please can you be specific about what information you want?"

.....some time later...

"You seem really distracted - are you worried about something?"

"No, it's because I can't make eye contact with you and listen to you or think at the same time - it's a brain wiring difference. I also cannot see your body language, or use it myself"

"Oh - I didn't know that!"

I think we both needed a strong cup of something by the end. I ended up teaching the counsellor a lot, but I learned nothing.

There is research being done into CBT and making it useful for ASDs, e.g. Fiona Knott's work at the University of Reading. Early days yet.

i make sure i can get out for few hours alone to chat about anything apart from ds problems just be in the real world for while

oh and sleep when i get the chance i take myself off to bed early and make most of it

most of all i do some light exercise at home try to eat healthily and most of all try to laugh as much as possible with my ds in the daytime

if all else fails i go to bed with dvd and have a good cry

mumsnet special needs board!

enough said?

And have persuaded DH that it is vital reserach so no longer have to quickly flick on to a different site as he walks past.

oh yes why did i not say that its been my life line

giving and getting advise being able to rant being able to say exactly how i feel without being judged but more so the feeling that im no longer alone is great

i dont personally know anyone on here but couldn't ask for a better group of friends and i did meet an amazing lady from sn forum and that was really nice but not been about just lately

dont underestimate the powers of the girls on the sn forum have made me laugh when i needed to cry have made me feel part of something no longer alone, always have someone to talk to day or night

must say it was the best thing to happen to me