Food issues. Where is the cut off line?

[5inthebed]

I am so fed up with the issues around food and DS2. He will only eat "familiar" foods. It all has to look the me as what he is use to, otherwise he just wont touch it. For instance, he loves spaghetti but heaven forbid I give him pasta spirals or penne. However, I refuse to be beaten on the food front. It sin't fair on the rest of the family and I'm certainly not cooking just to cater for him all the time. I try introduce the same food, but in different shapes.

Take tonight for example. Instead of cornbeef hash, I made cornbeef patties. Same ingredients, tastes the same, just not a mountain but a few round shapes instead. DS2 refused to eat them. Screamed and shouted, total meltdown. I'm refusing to give in to this, but am I just being silly. As he ate the vegetables off his plate I won't give him anything else other than his yoghurt for supper, ut he is asking for food because he is hungry

Does anyone else suffer with this (silly question, I know some of you do) and how much do you give into? Am I being cruel not letting hi have his usual foods or not giving him something else?

Yes, DS is a very very fussy eater. And he also loves spaghetti rather than other sorts of pasta. I am not very strict at all - I would probably offer bread or fruit in this situation. But then I have taken a deliberate policy decision on any spare "mental energy" going towards DS language issues.

We also have this problem with DS1 who's 10. His diet is very restricted, he will have 3 or 4 foods that he will eat almost exclusively for weeks, and then he will just drop one of these foods (replacing it with something else), never to eat it again - odd!! He always does this when I have just stocked up on the given food!! At the moment he is living on weetabix, jam sandwiches and vegetable soup (must be home made!).

I am a great believer in picking you battles, so more or less let him get on with it. I always offer him the family meal, which he mostly refuses. He has vitamins everyday to make sure he's not deficient in anything.

DS2 has weetabix every day for breakfast. Will not change that for love or money.

Thats the thing though, if I give him the same as the family (which I try to as often as possible) and he doesn't eat it, do I give him something else entirely? DS1 sometimes doesn't eat his and I don't allow him to have anything else. It's so bloody hard isn't it!

Even eating out is a nightmare!

My DS had weetabix for breakfast every day for 3 years then suddenly stopped. For the next 2 years all he would eat for breakfast was strawberry yoghurt (one brand only), banana and a biscuit. Then one day 3 weeks ago he suddenly asked for weetabix again.

I pick my battles, and made a vow never to make food a battle as I don't want it to be made into an anxiety - DS has more than enough of those. We have the pasta thing -must be penne and no other shape.

I still occasionally give him something with the rest of the family that is not on his accepted list. I say nothing - he either eats it or he doesn't, and nothing else is offered. A missed meal occasionally is not the end of the world.

I am finding as he gets older, slowly new things are being added to his list of acceptable foods, and others drop off. If your DS is fit and healthy and his diet is reasonably balanced, don't worry about the restriction.

You may find it easier to introduce new foods in different settings - strange but true. Maybe at pre-school or school, or at a grandparents house. My DS only eats tomato at the leisure centre cafe. He will eat sausages at Gran's but not at home.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Accept this is part of his ASD, and not anything that you are doing wrong.

God I feel awful now. I was hoping to get a grip on at least one thing in ds2's life. I'll definitely not be so hard on the food front now. I've only been doing it for a few months, but it is harder than it has to be.

Thanks WMF, I think I will try that with the new setting. Strangely DS2 will eat certain foods at his nanna/nanna and grandad/grandad's houses but not here.

Oh we do have some contrary little people. I'm just glad for the advice and the feeling I'm not the only one!

Yes, you are not the only one. Your DS is pretty typical in an ASD world .

I think my friends/family think I am mad when I turn up at their houses with the 'right' biscuits and yoghurts, and an endless supply of bananas. But the fallout if I didn't and he started the 'What can I have to eat' chant is not an option.

There is no way we can force DS5 (aged 10 with AS) to eat any strange foods. Or food presented in a different way come to that. He will simply go without rather than eat it.

I have become very relaxed about what he eats. There is no point getting upset because I would be upset all the time! He rarely has the same food as us and never a full meal-he won't eat vegetables for a start! We just go with the flow and let him eat what he will eat...

Is there a mantra you chant to stay calm?

Luckily DS2 will eat broccoli, cauliflower and bananas. I tend to try hide veg in foods with sauces or mash. He does eat a heap of yoghurt and cheese though, of which I'm glad. And he does have food fixations...chocolate biscuit as soon as he goes to MIL's house, ice cream at my mams and pretend tea set with orange juice in at my dads .

I will stop being so panicky about food, I will stop being so panicky about food, I will stop being so panicky about food, I will stop being so panicky about food, I will stop being so panicky about food, I will stop being so panicky about food

DS is spiderman obsessed. When he heard Peter Parker say he gets his strength by working out and eating green vegetables, DS started eating green peppers, cucumber and brocolli, and constantly asks me if his muscles are growing.

His mantra is now 'work out and eat green vegetables'.

Mine is usually 'WTF, I give up'

He already eats loads of fruit, so no problem with 5 a day here. The problem is getting him to eat bread, potatoes, carbs or any calorie dense foods unless it is chocolate (cadburys buttons only) or biscuits. hence the constant 'what can I have to eat' because he is never full up'

We are exactly the opposite to you WMF- Mininova will only eat pretty much carbs and a little bit of protein.

Mininova's diet is restricted to:
Bananas
chips
pizza
pasta (with various'hidden' sauces, he just picks pasta out)
bread and butter his fave
asda chicken and bacon pre packed sandwiches
crumpets
chocolate bread - can you see a theme here lol

we feed him gallons of innocent fruit smoothies,only the orange and mango ones...

I tried for ages to introduce foods, tossed and turned at night, felt incredibly guilty......... then gave in...

multivits all the way.....

I tried for years to

Yes - DS is more amenable to trying new food out of the house (maybe that says something about my cooking ). Also outside the house I can resort to bribery - if you try a mouthful of x (x being something like yorkshire pudding or carvery meat, so something I know that he eats in principle), then you can have some ice cream. We are primarily based on the beige diet -

humous
breadsticks
cashew nuts
quorn sausages
quorn burger
chips
yorkshire pudding
cheese
soft cheese
crisps
pasta (preferably spaghetti)
some filled pastas (so can get a tiny bit of tomato or mushroom in him that way!)

with
meat sandwiches
apple
banana
sometimes melon/pear, but never grapes or strawberries
pizza
apple/orange/mango/cranberry juice or squash
tomato ketchup
carrot cake

lots of types of biscuit and cake

Isn't it odd how all our children seem eat more junk than not. I was speaking to ds2's SN teacher and she said it was common for SN children to prefer junk to healthy (can't argue there, I'm the same). Apparently at snack time they have a buffet as each childs likes are so different. I usually ask that they offer ds2 some banana or yoghurt as he has too much junk as it is.

My ds1 is completely different diet wise. He eats loads of fruit and veg and only has junk as a treat. Sometimes I wonder if he thinks I'm being cruel to him but he never complains. Bless him.

DS2 always has weetabix for breakfast, either a jam sandwich or vegetable soup for dinner and I always try to give him something different every day for his tea but he always asks for fish or chicken. He will eat chilli con carne (very random), spaghetti bolognese and mashed potato with some sort of meat. Not very restricting in the house if we keep to it, but very restricting out and about. Thank god M&S have started to do jam sandwiches!

it is hard when the kids dont eat!. dd4 eats very little, her main foods are milk, rice crispies hula hoops apples and stew and mashed potatoes and toast! keep trying to get her to eat other things, but it like talking to a brick!lol...have dietition, but fat lot of good that is , as giving her the right amount of foods is easy compared to getting her to eat it.have tried every trick in the book,(novelty food, make into faces on plate,hidden veg,ect) .nothing works

I just stock up on what DS2 eats.

THE LIST:
sausages
bacon
marguerita pizza
worcester sauce french fries
lemon pudding from sainsburys
lemon slices kipling
home made pancakes, lemon,sugar
honey nut cornflakes/milk
hot chocolate
water
icecream
Waitrose burger
tomato ketchup
KFC chicken pops
Sainsburys Southern Chicken goujons
vitamin jellies
sweeties at Grandma's house, no trouble there!

Annoyingly I am not allowed to eat apples or bananas around him because they smell, and I have to wash my hands afterwards!

Dd1 (as) is very fussy, because she is so thin i let her eat what she likes, at the moment she will eat;

Sausages
Smiles
Roast potato
Some pizza's

Cheese sandwich
Dorito's (sp)
Grapes
Blueberries
Strawberries
Dried Apricots
Chocolate
Yoghurt
Cheese and crackers

Sometimes she will eat chicken nuggets and chips depending on which brand they are .

Not a great diet really.

Ds

is sausages
chicken nuggets
cheese hes like mouse loves it
pizza but must be deep pan
smiles here to
weetabix
pate which he loves but hes specific to which one
toast
ham but not in sandwich
tuna sandwiches
youguhrts
crisps
most fruit but no vedge
crackers

he does not like cakes but will eat some choclate when in mood

rather than fight over mealtimes now just put what he likes on plate let him helpself

strange how the same foods are croping up again and again on the lists!

mumslife - M & S have started doing a cheap £1 sandwich range - so they also do a plain cheddar sandwich, no salad or mayo, and a plain ham sandwich, ditto no salad or mayo

am I allowed as well to at the Waitrose burger = clearly a lad of upmarket tastes!

Oh I'm jealous of those of you with DCs who eat fruit and veg.
DS will eat:
Toast (only with butter)
Cocoa Pops
Crackers
Dry cornflakes
Biscuits
Pop corn
Pancakes
Mashed potato
Fish Fingers
Bakes Beans with cheese (but no cheese otherwise)
Plain rice
Pasta with white sauce
Occasionally bolognaise
Juice
Ice Cream

Its pretty beige. As with most of you, he's actually amazingly healthy, although skinny. How do they do it?

i wouldn't blame it on the kids but rather on the parents. please don't get angry at me, but i do believe kids learn whatever we teach them. Last year i went through a couple of months of fussy eating with my 5 years old daughter and in the end it turned out it was just her desire to dominate. She would refuse things and i would throw food to the bin but i made it clear to her she will not get to choose too much. She lived on bananas plus other fruits for almost a month and she is still fine. She did understand though that playing games and being fussy is not 'fun' just for the sake of 'who's in charge'. she is eating hapilly a lot of things nowadays, veggies, milk, fruits - plenty - chicken, fish anything one can think of in terms of healthy food. on the other hand, i met not long ago a mom who was desperate and begging her daughter to eat for the evening. i suggested she would stop offering never-ending options to the child (one less healthier than the other) and she said she cannot do it, her heart breaks at the thought of her dear daughter going hungry for the day. but she did admit she sees it as hurting the kid in the long term. When we talked about the health regarding the food her daughter would be willing to eat (mostly chips and cookies) she preffered not to say anything.

joburg- has your daughter got ASD? both have mine have, i tried putting dd's food in the bin and not offering anything else, dd would go without eating and lost weight (she's only tiny anyway), if i gave her something she didn't like she would chuck herself on the floor and scream until she was sick. My youngest dd will eat most things and has no food issues. The more i try to push dd1 the worst she get's and will then refuse to eat anything (even if hungry).

Hi Marne, i actually posted a few minutes ago a question regarding autistic spectrum disorders about my daughter. ASD - autistic spectrum disorders - is this what you mean? She has not been diagnosed yet but we do suspect it. So, i guess we are in the same situation. Still, my daughter started eating healthily after a while. It took a lot of negociating, explaining, playing, but we got rid of the fusses .... the human self-protecting mechanism still works i would say, after all we are all animals and mother nature takes care of us even despite our own faults and fusses . My daughter also went through a fake precocoius puberty stage meaning she grew 23 cm in height in the last year, which puts a lot of preasure on the bones not to mention the weight. She made it neverthe less. and now she eats like a HORSE!!!!! Her school lunch pack is HUGE!!!! It seemed to have been just a motivation and underdstanding thing. We are so happy from the eating point of view.