Food issues. Where is the cut off line?

[5inthebed]

I am so fed up with the issues around food and DS2. He will only eat "familiar" foods. It all has to look the me as what he is use to, otherwise he just wont touch it. For instance, he loves spaghetti but heaven forbid I give him pasta spirals or penne. However, I refuse to be beaten on the food front. It sin't fair on the rest of the family and I'm certainly not cooking just to cater for him all the time. I try introduce the same food, but in different shapes.

Take tonight for example. Instead of cornbeef hash, I made cornbeef patties. Same ingredients, tastes the same, just not a mountain but a few round shapes instead. DS2 refused to eat them. Screamed and shouted, total meltdown. I'm refusing to give in to this, but am I just being silly. As he ate the vegetables off his plate I won't give him anything else other than his yoghurt for supper, ut he is asking for food because he is hungry

Does anyone else suffer with this (silly question, I know some of you do) and how much do you give into? Am I being cruel not letting hi have his usual foods or not giving him something else?

I seem to be luckier than most, DS2 loves fruit and veg,even sprouts! He always eats them first, but, he still has some very strong hates, the one that causes the most problems is butter, both my older boys will not go near butter, it means I always have to make sandwiches, thay won't eat butter cream icing either, childrens party food is a bit of a disater for them but I usually hoover up what they leave for them . DS2 also hates cheese but recently decided to try some as he was wondering why he like cheese flavoured crisps but not cheese, unfortunately he still hated it but it was encouraging that the descision to try came from him. i definitely agree about not making mealtimes a battleground.

Joberg, I have a 5 year old with autism who will eat pretty much everything apart form a few passing fussy phases so I used to wonder how kids' diets came to be so limited just like you. That changed when we started trying to wean my also autistic almost 3 year old onto solids. He didn't accept anything until he was 8, almost 9 months old and even then he had very definite dislikes. No amount of offering him foods enough in the hope that he'd get used to them helped him and then he hit 18 months and suddenly became majorly fussy.

He has a pretty short list of things he will eat and a good portion of that list carries the rider that the wind has to be blowing in the right direction and it has to be cooked exactly right. He gags on a lot of slimy foods if we can get him to put the into his mouth, so pasta, vegetables, potatoes not made crispy in some way, rice and a lot of fruit don't even get a second look from him if they're put in front of him.

We've learnt over the past couple of years that being anxious about what he eats does not help at all and if anything, brings out bad dinner time behaviour in his older brother. We do sometimes gently force him to put something in his mouth he's refusing because we know it's something he does like but isn't trusting right now, but even that we do playfully and don't get worked up if it goes uneaten.

My son (possible AS) has clear sensory issues and a restricted diet too. I'm so pleased (sorry though of course for everyone too!) to see that there are so many others going through the same thing.

I agree totally - and I think clinical/psychological advice is the same - you don't force a child to eat or starve. It's not about 'tough love' or parenting; it's about understanding the limitations your child has and work with him/her to gently and safely expand them.

The paediatrician I saw last week told me that there is alot of anxiety which results from sensory issues - children feel on 'red alert' by sounds, smells, textures they can't stand.

To ignore this, or not to understand it, is generally not going to achieve what you hope to which is to have a child who eats something and feels ok about it!

Our saying in our house is 'a little bit of something is better than a whole lot of nothing' and I'm learning to become more relaxed about it

School meals can be good - DS has got two this week as there is a special Easter lunch - yippee!