Food issues. Where is the cut off line?

[5inthebed]

I am so fed up with the issues around food and DS2. He will only eat "familiar" foods. It all has to look the me as what he is use to, otherwise he just wont touch it. For instance, he loves spaghetti but heaven forbid I give him pasta spirals or penne. However, I refuse to be beaten on the food front. It sin't fair on the rest of the family and I'm certainly not cooking just to cater for him all the time. I try introduce the same food, but in different shapes.

Take tonight for example. Instead of cornbeef hash, I made cornbeef patties. Same ingredients, tastes the same, just not a mountain but a few round shapes instead. DS2 refused to eat them. Screamed and shouted, total meltdown. I'm refusing to give in to this, but am I just being silly. As he ate the vegetables off his plate I won't give him anything else other than his yoghurt for supper, ut he is asking for food because he is hungry

Does anyone else suffer with this (silly question, I know some of you do) and how much do you give into? Am I being cruel not letting hi have his usual foods or not giving him something else?

i don't think i am lucky, i think i am heartless enough to see my daughter get hungry a bit here and there, pissed off here and there, fussy and angry here and there, hoping she would benefit in the long term. at least this is what my husband calls me: heartless am i?

Of course not - it's not easy to always be the bad cop, while mostly fathers IME enjoy being the good cop

joburg, it really is not that simple re: standing your ground and not giving endless options.

If I do not give dd1 food to eat that she likes, then she willnot eat. For days at a time (longest I held out was 4 days, with dd1 eating nothing the whole time (and also drinking very little)). The thing that convinced me I was doing the wrong thing was when dd1 started to get down from the table voluntarily, having eaten nothig, knowing she was hungry but was not even bothering to ask fo ranything else.

Thereis no way i would do that to her again. she lost weight, and was beginning to accept that she had to go hungry. she did not try any of the foods on offer (and these were old favourites, not new foods I was trying to get her to eat). The food strike was brought on by her then school taking the "try this, then have somethinng else" route.

If you cracked your dd's eating that easily, i would suggest that it was "normal" fussiness, rather than ASD/AS/sensory food issues.

But please, do not suggest that all we need to do is to be a little firmer now and again. With my dd1, that is the quickest way to creating more food issues for her.

I agree with silverfrog, dd1 (as) has a lot of food issues as silverfrogs dd, dd2 has ASD but has no food issues but has days where she's being fussy (like any normal 3 year old). Not all AS/ASD children have food issues.

I'm with you Silverfrog. My other children do not have these food issues and I do all the usual -not giving them options, making them eat the veg first so they get the cake etc. They eat pretty well.

This is just not an option with DS2. I have long since accepted this and am a much happier and less stressed mum for this. I WOULD like him to have a better diet, but those traditional techniques just do not work for us.

shells, I attended an interesting talk at dd1's school (ASD specific) a couple of weeks ago.

The main gist of it was try not to stress, as at the end of the day you will still have a non eating child, and be stressed on top of it all.

What they said was to go along with what your dc WILL eat - it is important to keep the routine of getting (normally) hungy, and then eating a meal. Even if that meal is just biscuits and ketchup. present somethig new alongside (eg one chip/one pea/slice of carrot/etc) DO NOT MENTION IT AT ALL (and more importantly, you have to not care what the outcome is)

If your child will tolerate the presence of new food, then brilliant (they don't have to eat it). work on getting them to touch it/pick it up/lick it/cut it/put it on their plate/in the bin - whatever you thimk your child can cope with. the important bit is getting them to interact (for want of a better word) with the food.

it is a real slow game.

eventually, if you are lucky, this might work.

dd1 is now eating apples and pears courtesy of her school and this method they also do a lot of playing with food as well, so there is no pressure on eating it.

I was when dd1 asked for an apple - she hasn't eaten one for about 3 years! same for pears.

today she ate some banana (we have run out of apples and pears lol)

small steps, but I am grateful for anything tbh.

Thanks Silverfrog. I like those ideas. I have a pear in the house. We might start putting it on the plate!

Joburg, trust me, it is not as easy as you are making it. You cannot reason with a child with ASD. Your first post has made me slighty that you are asuming that some of us are simply giving in to our children. If you have "cracked" it with your DC then well done to you, but please don't patronise us who do have real problems with food.

mumslife, re the M&S jam sandwich. It is simply bread and jam and costs 75p.It is a life saver!

hope the slow methods work for you all too

I have found that the really not caring about the outcome is the most important bit.

last weekend we were out and about, and i had taken the dds lunch with us (lakeland do a fab flask should anyone need one - keeps stuff warm for hours, so i can take along dd1's fave curry when we go out for the day)

dh & I grabbed a bite from the chippy, and dd2 wanted to share ou chips (won't eat potatoes at home, but is a chip shop chips convert )

i offered dd1 (ASD) some, really casually, and surprise surprise she said o.

we left it at that, and went on munching away, with dd2 asking for more chips every 2 seconds (or so it seemed)

blow me if 10 minutes later dd1 didn't ask fo a chip too.

she only held it, then gave it back to me, but she asked which is the important bit for me.

she went through the asking/holding bit a few times, and then stopped.

who knows, but maybe next time we have chips she'll taste a bit - well, in my dreams, anyway

SF, I ometimes put an added extra food on ds2's plate but its usually a portion size. Will definitely try the tiny amount approach. Thanks for the tip.

I MUST get better at the new foods thing. I start doing it, then I forget and just go back to giving DS2 the same old stuff again.
I suppose I'm lucky in that he eats an OK-ish diet - homemade fish/chicken cakes and shepherds pie (both with hidden minced veg, gf sausages, potatoes (jacket, chips, roast, wedges), hummus, rice cakes, gf bread, jam, plain crisps, bananas, grapes, some fruit bars - but he never, ever deviates from this. Lunches are most difficult - he has exactly the same thing every day.

I think the reasoning is that one pea (for example) is a lot less threatening than a whole pile of them. Once you've worked up to the touching/licking/biting bit, then swallowing one pea might not be the ned of the world. But if there is a whole mountain of them, then there is no incentive to try/get the whole thing over with, as there's a lot more to do and the task seems endless...

I've been thinking the same for ages, sphil. dd1's diet is not too bad - she eats a reasonable range of things, and so I've been reluctant to set up the potential for a battle.

but she is now asking for new foods - in the last 3 weeks she has asked for (and eaten) apple, pear and sweetcorn.

today, at teatime, she asked for apple, then pear when I said there was no apples.

unfortunately I had no pears either ( must go shopping) so I offered a banana. not expecting her to accept it.

she did, and ate half of it (would have had more, but dd2 swiped it)

I can't believe the change, tbh - she's not eaten any of those foods for over 2 years now (well, sweetcorn she'll eat if it's mixed in something)

am desperately trying to get her to eat potatoes - that's my ultimate aim, and eating out will eb so much easier for us as I'll know there is something filling she will eat...

Ah yes, the good old help yourself places. I find the same. I pay a small fortune for a some chip and possible a burger if I'm lucky

Hi everyone, sorry to but in on the thread, but I am reading a book at the moment, that someone kindly recommended on here. Cant eat wont eat, its all about eating habits of autistic children and its fantastic, it hasnt as yet solved any of my ds eating issues, but has given me an understanding and showed me that I am truly not alone.

Drlove8, you are right about the same foods cropping up again and again and if you have a look at the book you will be amazed.

My ds only really has a beige diet but has started to amaze us by eating curry, (only mummys curry that has to be hand made from scratch, I use nat yoghurt instead of cream and think this could be why, as he hates milk etc) I was shocked to see other case studies in the book who had the same diet, bland, dry food, but then up would pop curry!!!

I also agree with 5inthebed. Joburg my son doesnt eat because of fussiness, but because of fear. I believe that children who have a fear have a reflex that actually stops them from being able to physically eat their food because of the fear. I have also recently noticed (because of some new oil burners) that his sense of smell is 100% times more than ours, so also this can stop him liking the food. Im sure Amber could add to this.

yes I'm part way through that one alfiemama, it's good - not got any magic cure, but lots of useful suggestions, and someone who understands what it's like.

joburg - unlike the other mums on this thread, I freely admit that I don't push DS as much as I could with new foods - language is my no. 1 priority, with social skills/behaviour coming next. I don't have the mental energy to turn food into a battleground.

mumslife - pret sandwiches also do a plain jam sandwich (they have a children's range of sandwiches). I think Morrison's cafe also does a jam one. John Lewis also do some very plain children's sandwiches, including a ham one and a grated cheese one.

silverfrog - thank you for that very useful post, that is one thing I will try straightaway re:putting tiny amount on DS's plate, and encouraging him to touch it or engage with it.

oh lawks - by saying I 'freely admit' - I don't mean to suggest anyone else is in anyway being untruthful or their kids aren't genuinely food phobic - more that I think I could probably be a bit stricter with DS than I am at present, as he's more very very fussy rather than actually phobic/very sensitive.

oh I could so be stricter with dd1. But, tbh, I don't want my home/family life to revolve around issues. She eats arange of things, and gets a reasonable balance. That does it for me.

re: the engaging with food, dd1's school do an awful lot of playing with food.

So, crumbling biscuits to see the texture change, dropping jelly cubes into water to see the splash/see how slippery they get (and note the colour change of water, mash up banana and make patterns with a fork, pouring custard from jug to jug, playing with lentils.dries peas

I think the idea is to take all the emphasis away form eating - it's all about play. so the children are not stressed about it, as not expected ot eat it, but if they fancy popping the odd bit in (MUST BE VOLUNTARY) then no worries, but don't even suggest it. this way, the children get more used to the different feel and smell of the foods (dd1 is particularly smell averse), and so it isn't such an assault when it comes to meal times.

will try to remember what other food games they play - I know they "milked" a cow (used a rubber glove for the udders, attavhed to the bottom of a cut out cow) and then drank some milk (rice milk for dd1)

They also do paiting with fruit/veg, not just potato prints, but onion prints, and we had a blackberry painting the other day too. they did something with garlic the other week too.

on the engaging with food front - when you start to think about it, the possibilities are endless - moving from plate to plate (even if it is moving it off their plate onto yours - you can then model how yummy it is) or feedign to teddy/you/the dog

dd1 used to insist on feeding something new to daddy (presumably to check it wasn't poisoned ) before she would try some, but hey if it works, it works! (sadly, she is far more suspicious these days)

what is asd related and what isnt is something i have been trying to work out. a pet project of mine, (one of many) was a serchable database website of asd trends,
"my child only likes this that and those is it asd"
the spectrum has so much variation in what each sufferer has that a comprehensive yes or no is impossible without mounds more data to compare it to,
easy answer is as stated above 'yes'
and it is likly as an adult aspergers sufferer my diet is quite narrow, and there are tings i cannot eat if i wish to be socially accepatble the next day.
his diet will grow over time but will be narrow compared to a well brought up nt i have friends whos diets are more limited then my own who are nts. but thats life.

accept it as part of the condition if its withing oyur means to adapt your menus to wok alongside his/her dietary needs at the time do so if not, try to convince the child otherwise. the eithiopian child trick sometimes works.

drlove08 :
yes it is interesting and i bet if you polled asd parents about htere kids youd ind a large area of overlap coving most the sensory bandwidth, good luck getting the data needed im still trying.

Don't know if somebody else suggested this here already, didn't have time to read carefully all the posts because my pc is systematically crashing down... but one more thing i tried with my daughter and WORKED, was to involve her into cooking a dish she had refused earlier (in this case it was a potatoe stew, she hated potatoes before if they were not chips). She sat next to me 'working like a team' and she pealed potatoes like a hero! it took us ages to finnish cooking but at the end of it guess what, the food was delicious, she said Do you think this might help?