I need a safe place to grieve and to rage for our summer-born children.

[lingle]

According to the press, Sir Jim Rose has thrown away the Government's suggestion that allowing immature summer-born children to defer their entry into reception for a year should become the norm in England as it is in Scotland.

Although DS2 is now "safe", because I have Bradford LEA's confirmation in writing that we can year-defer and start reception at 5, I am genuinely grief-stricken by this. I have campaigned for this for some time and have become every more convinced that parents need this option.

We have had contact with four health professionals in relation to DS2 now. Whatever I think of them in other respects, all four, plus the two teachers at school, have expressed strong and immediate confirmation that deferring DS2's formal education until he is 5 will fundamentally change his life chances for the better. In my view, this simple act of waiting for the child to be as ready as he can will be more valuable and save the taxpayer more money than any assessment, intervention or therapy.

As if I needed any more confirmation, the specialist early years support teacher who looks after DS2 has confirmed that her pupils consist completely disproportionately of summer-borns.

I suppose the July-August borns with mums who have followed the debate will at least benefit from understanding parents who know it is the system, not the child, that is awry, and who will shield them and remind their teachers of the issue. But the parents who don't know that 4.0 is absurdly early for so many little ones to be sitting concentrating and learning to read, write and add up will be told their child is "behind" or "struggling", if not in reception, where they can soften the blow, then in Year 1 or Year 2. From the statistics about diagnoses of ADHD, etc, it seems that there are many false positive diagnoses in summer-borns.

I feel quite sickened by this wasted opportunity. I feel angry. I feel I should have done more. I need a thread where no one says "Well mine started school at 4.0 and it's wonderful so therefore every child ought to start at 4.0". I feel safer on the SN board.

I think 4 is far too young to be starting school for many children. It was a double edged sword for us. My DS got a diagnosis of HFA after starting school, but unlike your son, Lingle, I am confident that this is absolutely correct for him. The benefit of starting school at 4 for us has been rapid access to services and support that were being denied before school. So my DS has benefitted from a year of intervention that would have been missed if we had delayed school. On the other hand, his reception year was so awful I feel sick just thinking about it. Incidently he is now thriving at school with 1:1 (year 1), and his autism has not gone away - in many ways now he is settled the autism is even more obvious because people see more than a naughty, disruptive child.

Good luck with your DS. He will do well because he has a mother that will fight to get his needs met.

Paranoid2, yes, I can see your point about your Dt2. There are probably only 1 or 2 other nurseries in our valley who would be so attentive to my DS2 so Sept. children with long term needs could slip through the net until 4.11.

Thank you Widemouthfrog, very interesting about the double-edge sword.

Lingle I am still a believer in giving parents the option of choosing whether to defer school entry for summer borns. I would have availed of the option at the time but in hindsight it probably would have not been the correct option for Dt1. It would have been a help for Dt2 but it wouldnt have resolved all issues. I think you are right in saying that some chidren who are young starting school are probably diagnosed as being SEN incorrectly but what I dont think is true is that children who are young/have language difficulties are more likely to be diagnosed as autistic. I think its possible that some well meaning teachers may draw attention to the fact that some communication difficulties exist but I think that diagnostic tests carried out would identify those that really have the condition and I believe that the condition is actually under diangnosed rather than over diagnosed.

I agree that this isn't a competition about who has it hardest or who is entitled and 'allowed' to feel grief and rage.

if you feel grief and rage about this subject lingle then that is what you feel and it shouldn't be disparaged.

I can totally understand where you are coming from.

have read the thread and hope i have understood it!
My Ds has ASD and was born july 26th. He started full time school in the September so was 5 weeks after he turned 4. If anything being born in July meant it was HARDER to get him diagnosed as ASD because school and proffessionals said he was just immature and wanted to wait to see if that changed, in total it took till DS turned 8 to get him diagnosed!

this thread has pissed me off so much it is unreal.
I answered originally as I found the thread title offensive(still do) the op explained evantually and we buried the hatchet.
yet moth mamazon and I have been slated on here.
safe place for who.
obviously only if your face fits.

2AdventSevenfoldShoes, please don't think that everyone holds that opinion. You were right, the thread title was full-on for the subject matter. And not very clear. I for one feel that I have been included in the 'vitriolic responses' category, when I was merely giving the OP a considered and genuine response.

I was lucky that we could defer so DD was already 5 and turned 6 in the October of her first year of school. I feel sorry for those of you who had/have no choice. Some children SN or not aren't ready for school at 4/5.

Sorry Lingle that you had to explain yourself. You shouldn't have to.

I am really unhappy about this thread

this is not how we do things normally on the sn thread

people got/feel hurt for all sorts of reasons

should we consider closing it?

I agree, SN shouldn't be like this

I don't think ANYONE has attempted to make this a competition as to WHO has it hardest... Because its futile to make comparisons, in light of some disabilities it cold be argued those of us whose child is just Autistic have an easy deal, whereas I would argue thats really not the case - everyone has tehir own set of circumstances arnd are affected to varying levels depending on their disposition

The title WAS a bit much - but once there had been an explanation things became clearer.But unless people are familiar with Lingles situation without that extra info it just seemed odd, and its entirely undertandable that peopel have had their feathers ruffled by it - because at first it wasn't obvious lingles ds2 had ANY issues at all - save for being a summer baby, and had that been the case to post on a board where the VAST majority of posters are affected by an ever increasing range of disabilities, where frankly what age they start school is irrelevent because theres just so much else to be dealing with. Which yes could come over as almost oneupmanship but based on how this board used to be when I was a frequent poster (and I could get all Hovis advert on you here)I can't beinging to imagine it WOUL have been meant that way... But there is a tendency - when your on the front line dealign with a disabled child to have a deep line of sarcasm and cynicism running through your core so rather then saying soemthign calming and suggesting thinsg be put in perspective - you tend to just say 'youngest in teh class eh? ah well at least he's not insert disability of your chosing.. THATS a real bitch to deal with...

Good post Emmalou.

Fio - agree re:importance of early intervention. But if your child is going into mainstream with language delay/disorder it is very much a lottery whether they get any help at all. DS (language delay supposedly not disorder and probably not ASD) gets no official help at all in mainstream other than the odd SALT visit.

I think the words 'rage' and 'grieve' in the title have upset a few (me, a bit TBH)- especially if you have a child with an uncertain future . I'll be honest, when I read it I was quite surprised it was 'just' (hope you know what I mean by that) about school. For that reason, I didn't post until now.

I agree, we should all be allowed to speak freely about whatever our concerns are. And we are allowed to 'rage' and 'grieve' about them, if that's how we truly feel.

Sadly, rage and grief are very raw emotions for me, still experienced daily, and I'm sure they will continue to be. It's not that I think my problems are bigger than yours - just that those words suit my circumstances a bit better (IMO). Sorry.

Back to the original thread now - I went to school at 3 (in fact started before my 3rd birthday) as was the norm where I grew up. In the NT world, some thrived, some did not. I expect it is the same in the SN world, as some posters have given evidence with their own experiences. It is a shame that parents of SN or NT are not given more flexibility BUT what about the children who are not lucky enough to have parents who actually give a shit, let alone fight for them.

All our children, whatever their disability are lucky to have parents like us.

Now lets all be friends again. Pleeeeaaase?
I like this board - we never row xx

Fio - foot in mouth syndrome strikes again - I was specific about the condition because it's what I have personal experience of (mind you a lady I know who lives near me with a child with DS has also had bugger all help with regard to applying for m/s school next year). which tends to back up your point that it's a postcode lottery....

no worries fio

We all use 'over the top' language to describe normal situations at times - 'I'll kill myself if I don't get a parking space in Tescos' etc. Lingle's situation is that DS2 might or might not have an issue with his underlying development - but no one knows for certain. I agree with someone who said earlier ( Mamzon?) that this is a separate from when he starts school. I don't know ( but would love to) how many children go into the DX process for autism but come out with the 'all clear'. I have a friend whose child has been 'observed' because of some concerns but it does not seem to have led to a DX - and it does not seem that one is needed.