Swearing

[charlottesmum5]

Hi

I'm new to all this and am just learning about how the future might me for all of us. I'm a sp with 3 girls aged 6, 7 & 14. My youngest has always been 'different' and finally has been referred to a community paed for an assessment. His thoughts at this stage is that she has aspergers or high functioning autism, but says he cant make a formal diagnosis until after her next appointment in 6 months. Meanwhile the school say they can't refer her to an ed psych until they get a diagnosis. She has significant learning delay and can only just about write her name, as she doesn't retain any new learning/info etc. Hence she doesn't get any support at school and every day she has complete meltdown before, after and during school as she can't cope. She has now started swearing, and despite me telling her that its not nice she continues to do it (her dad told her to sit still and she called him a stupid bastard - in actual fact i pmsl at this because its true lol) however today she told her middle sister to fucking sit still, which wasn't so nice obviously. I think she might be picking up the words from her dad, but now she knows them I think its going to be hard for her to stop. How do you mums/dads cope with inappropriate behaviour? Thanks

Hi CM5 sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Firstly it's absolute twaddle that the school can't refer you to the EP until you have a diagnosis. You need to talk to the SENCO about this, but if you request it, and especially as your DD has learning delays, they should make the referral. Often the EP's assessment will help your paed come to a diagnosis. You need to lean hard on the school though to make sure it happens - if they are having problems with her meltdowns there then she should be able to access all the support she can, even pre-dignosis.

Has she got an IEP at school? There should be one in place for her that is regularly reviewed and agreed with you. Have you thought about/has she got a statement? Again you need to really insist on this, b ut if she has these issues then she needs help and the meltdowns and bad language are her way of asking for that help.

You could also try a referral to CAMHS through your paed as they help with the inappropriate beahviour issues.

My DS is 9 and has AS, at the moment he doesn't use bad language much as I have made it into one of his fundamental 'rules'. If he breaks that rule he has consequences that are meaningful to him and I also get really cross - which is a bit of a shock to him as usually I try to be pretty calm to help him manage his own temper.

I'm sure others will be along in a bit with more and better help but couldn't leave this unanswered.

Thanks WM, that's really helpful. No she hasn't got an IEP and I'm struggling to find out why. It's a small village school (only 8 in Sophie's class) and the SENCO is the Head who is off sick longterm. I'm thinking of writing to the Governors and maybe copy the LEA into it. What do you think?

You need to get on to this definitely. The school should have someone covering the SENCO role so if not contact the special needs section of your LEA, definitely the governors too as it is their legal resposibility to ensure they do their best to make sure that adequate provision is made for pupils with special educational needs. Push them about getting the Ed Psych in too your DD deserves an assessment and help in school. They are currently failing her as a school and failing to provide for her needs! Different LEAs have different ways of supporting schools in their provision - here there is a bank of specialist teachers who spend time every week with children who are struggling considerably to keep up with their peers and they do 1 to 1 teaching of literacy and numeracy, perhaps your LEA does something similar? Do you have PArent PArtnership? They will be able to advise on the best people to contact and will come to meetings with you too.

My dd (now 13) learned all the 'naughty words' from her Dad (also a stupid b* - long since divorced) by the age of 2. At 3, we had some builders in to do some work and she told them off for using naughty words! Very funny incident.

Now if she swears in front of me, I make her kneel down in the High Street or wherever and apologise to me. The longer she takes to kneel, the longer I make her stay there. Very effective indeed.

Keep pestering the specialists, GPs, etc until you get what you and your kids need.

Best wishes and hugs