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Exclusion - any ideas - please help!

45 replies

WedgiesMum · 09/11/2008 11:45

DS is aged 9 in Y5 he has AS and is highly demand avoidant (poss with ADD). He has been excluded for 10 days for reasons we feel are related to his disability and for lack of care and consideration of his needs. We were unable to discuss this on Friday, when the incident happened and are going to school to discuss things tomorrow.

Bit of background. New Head since september and she is very aggressive in her dealings with us, this is his 3rd exclusion since sept. She has made it clear she is looking to permanently exclude DS and has now put this in writing. We are currently waiting for a result of a statutory assessment and there are 2 weeks left before the LA must respond.

I have downloaded stuff from IPSEA, looked at SOS!SEN, looked at the ACE information and amplanning to contact all 3 on Monday when they are available. Also planning to contact the Local Incusion Officer, his paed, his psychologist and behaviour support person asap on Monday. As I am a TA (at a different school) I am also planning on talking to my, very supportive, Head to see if he can suggest anything.

So is there anyone else we can ask for help? Am feeling a bit like the rug has been pulled from under us, previous head said he would never permanently exclude DS because of his needs.

Am confused about whether to consider a managed move, DS is happy with his teacher, who seems to understand him unlike most of the rest of the staff (although this teacher was off sick last week - a contributory factor to DS's behaviour) and he has friends who can tolerate his extreme moods and who he enjoys playing with. DD is also at the school in Y3 and moving her would not be an option. But would he be better with a fresh start away from a Head who I DO NOT trust to manage him or deal with him and who has made it clear she does not want him?

He is feeling very confused and upset about this and can't understand why it is for so long. He said yesterday 'I don't have anything left to live for' - how heartbreaking is that?

Any help greatfully received!

OP posts:
WedgiesMum · 17/11/2008 22:36

Thanks all, am just so numb and upset. Have written letter to governors as recommended by ACE, will send it in tomorrow. Poor DS can't sleep in his own bed AGAIN.

Thanks for support roisin - I do have your home number will call when I can be trusted to do so without blubbering. Would it be possible for your DS's to email DS just to say hi? Then he knows that he has some friends who he can chat to about stuff? He's feeling a bit cut off from his friends really.

He has made me so proud tonight cos I was so upset and he said 'If you look at things another way Mummy things always look better. They can't be any good as a school if they don't want to keep me. They're a bit pathetic really.' How brilliant is that? What a brave boy!

OP posts:
daisy5678 · 17/11/2008 23:46

Good for him. Tell him we agree!

milou2 · 18/11/2008 03:22

Your son is perceptive and a treasure. That head sounds appalling.

dustystar · 18/11/2008 17:57

OMG wedgie that women is such a bitch. I am so angry for you and your ds. He sounds lovely though - so thoughful to try and make you feel better bless him. And he's right too - they must be a crap school if they don't want him. If you ever want a chat you can email me on [email protected]

dustystar · 18/11/2008 18:00

Absolutely appalling that the HT gave your dd a letter to inform you of this decision too - you should definitely compain about the way this whole thing has been handled.

BriocheDoree · 18/11/2008 18:26

Wedgie, only just read your thread. I am so for you. Think the way they handled it is appalling (giving the letter to your DD - how cowardly!). Your little boy sounds such a star.

roisin · 18/11/2008 20:24

I can't find your email address Wedgiesmum! Can you email me.
ds2 is home atm (had second op on Monday), so he could email tomorrow if we had your addie.

Yorkiegirl · 18/11/2008 20:39

Message withdrawn

Hulababy · 18/11/2008 21:35

WM - I had missed this too. I am so so sorry for you and DS. The school sounds truely dreadful; the head really is a witch.

You must fight the disability discrimination thing. What she is doing is so wrong and she needs pulling up so sharp on this.

Your poor DS

This has me fuming for you.

You have my email and my mobile (I think) - do chat again soon. I don't care if it is all blubbering and sobs. I am def here to listen. You take care.

roisin · 18/11/2008 22:19

This really is just beyond belief and I can't get it out of my head.

When I think of what "we choose not to" exclude students for at my school, and then what we are not able to permanently exclude them for, and to think of your gorgeous ds1 having a PE ... It just doesn't stack up.

My boys' primary has a whole variety of children with all sorts of difficulties from all sorts of backgrounds, and they've never ever had even a temporary exclusion.

What on earth is going on?!

WedgiesMum · 19/11/2008 20:03

Didn't get online last night to read all this fab stuff from you lot! Thanks for the support from everyone!

Here is my email - puttybrick at aol dot com for anyone who would like it. Lots of my MSN addresses got lost when DH got our new laptop and I had to rejoin MSN, I am now under the aol email address and if you would add me then that would be brill as I've lost a lot of the important ones from people on here and have tried to remember contacts to add without any success!

We have had a lot happening in the last couple of days and I am feeling a bit dizzy with it all. Have told school we are appealing - and got a response on a compliments slip again via DD - unfortunately it is a date we can't do as DH has a job interview in your part of the country roisin so we have rearranged the meeting for 2 weeks tomorrow. Am now working on our statement to read at the meeting.

Have had lots of fantastic support from all the LEA people who are shocked/disappointed/fed up/upset/angry depending on who they are. This includes the EP, the Behaviour Support teacher who was in tears, our Parent Partnership lady and the ladies who came today to talk about educating DS until he gets back into school. They have given lots of advice as to what to put in our appeal and every single one has said that we have a very strong case for disability discrimination, especially as they haven't tried all avenues of help for DS.

If anyone can offer advice on this or ideas I would be most grateful! If anyone wants to cast an eye over the vast document it will end up being over the weekend I would be happy to email it to you.

DS seems to be much calmer and I think it's because he knows he doesn't have to go back and face that woman again, although he is sad about his friends and has asked if we can have them round for tea. He got a laptop from the education ladies today with loads of stuff on it that he enjoys and he has spent ages looking at it all and working on maths, literacy, science and music. They brought a worksheet pack as well but looking at it I knew it was well below his level so they are bringing the pack that they give to senior school children as we all agreed it would be much more appropriate. They are also going to see if they can include him in a positive play scheme and said they could see that we were clearly very supportive and had done all the right things to help him. Makes me feel less like I've let him down by not getting a statement earlier for him.

Once again thanks for all your kind words at this difficult time - your generosity of spirit overwhelms me.

WMxx

OP posts:
roisin · 19/11/2008 22:01

I'm pleased you're getting some positive input and helpful suggestions from some professionals.

Thanks for the email addie. I will drop you a quick one now, and leave a message for ds2 to email ds tomorrow.

Much love
Rx

daisy5678 · 19/11/2008 23:29

Well done, WM. Keep going - and never feel bad (you've done everything you could have)

dustystar · 20/11/2008 13:04

You can email it to me if you like and I'll have a look and help if I can. (dustystarry1 at aol dot com)

nymphadora · 20/11/2008 13:15

Are you lloking to move up here then WM?

(I met you at fell foot meet up couple of years ago-Nikkie, I live near Roisin)

We can point you in right direction if you come this way.

Hulababy · 20/11/2008 14:08

Am glad the help he is getting whilst out of school seems positive WM.

Good luck with the statement. If I can do anything to help let me know. I don't know much about the legal side but if I can help by reading through stuff to see how it reads and comes across I am happy to do so.

WedgiesMum · 23/11/2008 20:37

Got DS's proposed statement yesterday - he's got 18 hours and lots of strategies suggested behaviours explicitly written about and LA help nailed down as well. Pleased and relieved are understatements!

Have made a start on the statement to governors but being hampered by lack of information from school - some things never change! Am now at angry stage and keep ranting whenever anyone asks

Hiya nymphadora - DH has job interview with BAE on Thursday so anything is possible!! Given I have just moved my Mum from there to sheltered accomodation here it would be just typical if he got the flippin job!

Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and support, it really helps to know people care.

WMxx

OP posts:
roisin · 23/11/2008 22:54

WM - I'm pleased to hear your positive news, and have emailed you. I hope you have some good governors. I cannot think of any reason why you should not be able to get this PX reversed and wiped off his record.

Good luck!

R x

dustystar · 24/11/2008 11:34

Good news about the statement - I have emailed you.

Hulababy · 24/11/2008 21:12

Glad the statement info has come through. Tried emailing today but for some reason it wouldn't send. Your statement for school looks good so far.

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