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ds1's behaviour at home is out of contol

150 replies

Jimjams · 24/02/2005 20:29

he has been dreadful since the weekend. HAving got over the climbing over bannisters thing he is now just running around ricocheting off the walls. he has rediscovered throwing things but is throwing stuff to try and smash it (bye bye sugar bowl- and I've just had to remove from his room a china tractor that his aunt bought him as a baby). He is climbing everything and obsessively trying to look at things from certain angles 9wants us to open/shut windows and goes ape if we won't- and really ape- real headbanging meltdown type stuff. He's refusing to go to bed and keeps turning his light on then leaping round the place when he's meant to be sleeping.

So what do we do?

Tonight I have removed his bedroom light, and the hall light, have put up 2 travel barriers (one on top of the other) so that he can't climb out of the room. and now the entire house is in darkness- the idea being that if he can't see anything then he will lie down and go to sleep.

I feel like we are treating him like an animal- but I don't know what else to do. we don't have a punishment- he thinks being shouted at is hilarious, and after being awake for 4 hours last night is completely hyper. I feel like the only thing we can do is come down pn him like a ton of bricks, but I'm worried that if this bad behaviour is a delayed anxietyreaction to ds3 turning up then this will onloy make it worse. I'm trying to spend consturctive time with him and cuddling time after school, but its hard when he's constantly having to be pulled off various items of furntiture that he's climbing.

Feell very out of control and for the first time in a long time am unsure as to how I should be dealing with this. Help please!

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yoyo · 25/02/2005 11:39

Jimjams - I'm sure all of us wish we could help in some way. Looking after a newborn as well as two children who don't have the problems your DS has was exhausting enough so I just can't see how you can manage this on your own. Would it be easier for you to get help with the two youngest? You sound as though you need a break at the moment - is there noone you could ask to do your shopping?
I really hope you get some help soon.

Furball · 25/02/2005 11:42

Hi Jimjams, no advice and no experience, but just wanted to offer huge hugs.

beccaboo · 25/02/2005 12:06

Jimjams, I have no experience of what you're coping with but just wanted to offer some moral support. I struggle enough with one child, and remember how totally knackered I felt for months after he was born. This sounds like too much for one person, especially with your dh working such long hours. Is there anyone in your family who could come and stay for a few days? (I know your in-laws are rubbish!). Or another parent who could take ds2 to see the dinosaurs?

JakB · 25/02/2005 13:40

Oh blimey, Jimjams, what a bloody nightmare. I think there is definitely something in Calpol (and Nurofen seems to be even worse) that 'sets off' children with autism. My dd certainly goes manic on them. I did try giving crushed up paracetomal on yoghurt for a while but always worried I hadn't given her enough or she hadn't taken it all in etc... So, so sorry you are having such a bloody nightmare. Is there anybody who could give you some support? Is there anybody who could go to the supermarket for basics for you? Sending big hugs {{{}}}

KarenThirl · 25/02/2005 14:00

Jimjams

Sorry I've just got to this. Being a newbie I'm having problems getting my head around the volume of posts on this board! You lot sure can talk!

Your ds sounds like a full time job. Hope last night was just a blip and something triggered by a change. Never heard of Calpol sending kids ape like that - usually it knocks them out - but then that's 'normal' kids, isn't it?

Lavender's a good idea - I use it on my pillow to help me sleep. You could put it in a bedtime bath as well, might calm things a little. Apparently with a little lemon oil (NOT lemongrass) it's knock-out drops.

Hadn't realised you have a young baby too (newbie again!). Must be hard for you to get rest of your own. Try to get some time for yourself, even if it's just a warm bath or five minutes with the crossword. It helps to take a break, I find.

Hope tomorrow's a better day.

Karen
x

Jimjams · 25/02/2005 15:11

Well dealt with tescos - rang them and threw my toys out of the pram and am now allowed to go and collect my shopping later today. Which was nice as I got to take ds2 to the dinosaurs, and dh is in such a strop with his job that he joined us I really didn't want to cancel ds2 as I think he has a crappy enough time as it is really.

TBH I don't really feel like I need a break. DS2 is easy providing his stomach is full and ds3 is a very happy easy baby (too easy??? eek- no he's alert and reaching out ), and today with the 2 of them has been fine.

The problem is ds1- and its short sharp problems if you see what I mean. i don't feel ground down by him, I just don't know what I should be doing. should I be set ting very very firm boundaries, or should I be relaxing mopre? My gut instict is to be very firm as relaxing spirals out of control and I end up having to pput a stop to him anyway. A break wouldn't help as I would still be coming back to the same problems and 5 mins after getting home blood pressure would be rocketing.

A lot of the stuff he is doing is good. in that his curiostiy has been awakened. Every day he comes home and gets the washing up liquid and pours it on the floor (or he did its locked away now). They've been doing a lot of water play at school which is probably why he comes home ansd empties the baies bottles on the floor (or did they're up high now). He hangs out of windows to look at the house opposite from a different angle- again good as he's worked out how to get into the position he weants- same with climbing, it's all to to see different angles. last night he was getting us to open the bathroomm window then running into different rooms to look at it- got very cross as it wasn't doing what he wanted- but still all good curious stuff. I think the problem is that the home environment is wrong for him. We need a huge clearout, and a new kitchen. When we do the kitchen I'll think of ways to make it safe for him, but the kitchen will be a vast job and therefore mega £££ (need's building work at the same time).

I feel as if our world is contracting really. At 2 we could go anywhere/do anything, at 3 some places were getting more difficult (anything "organised") and now there's almost nowhere we can go. Hopefully we're at the worst point and it will start to expand again (need that campervan!)

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Jimjams · 25/02/2005 15:12

BTW- he's had lavender on his radiator (on a wet muslin) for the last 2 weeks- maybe that's sending him loopy???

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Jimjams · 25/02/2005 15:15

I think davroos said it on another thread- his ability to do stuff isn;t in line with his congnitive ability so we run into problems. Such as the microwave- he can now work it independently -(excellent acrtually as he must have learned that by copying) but he doesn't understand (and it isn't easy to teach) that coins do not go in microwaves.

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dinosaur · 25/02/2005 15:35

Well, glad you got bloody Tesco sorted anyway, and very pleased that DS2 got to the dinosaurs

Does DH have to go back to work, or is he around for the evening and weekend now? Hope so...

Jimjams · 25/02/2005 15:47

oh no dh had to go back. And ds1 has been home for 5 mins and is now directing operations regarding the bathroom window. I have no idea what he wants as he seems to get annoyed if its open or shut. Still hyper.

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beccaboo · 25/02/2005 15:47

lol about coins in the microwave, bet that made some sparks fly!

Know exactly what you mean about setting boundaries, I've tried to relax some of ours but it always ends in tears. Eg. ds would spend 10 hours a day on the computer if we let him, playing with the CBeebies website and crashing the b**y machine. Consequently we don't let him play with it at all, and can't even switch it on while he's awake or all hell breaks loose.

We did try to limit him to eg. one hour, but he was furious when we switched it off. It seems like it has to be all or nothing.

aloha · 25/02/2005 15:47

Poor you - that's all I can say.

dinosaur · 25/02/2005 16:09

I know this is a completely unhelpful thing to say but I can't stop thinking about Charlotte Moore's son Sam and his "crash" - he was about six too wasn't he. But then again that's probably completely irrelevant becuase iirc she thought it was down to massive undetected gluten and casein intolerance that just made his system shut down completely, and your DS has been GF for ages.

Easy · 25/02/2005 16:10

Thinking of you JimJams, sitting here wishing I could do something to help.

Hoping he calms dow a bit over the weekend.

Jimjams · 25/02/2005 16:17

I think it is a food reaction dionsaur as he's now whacking his head on the kitchen worktop becuase I won't turn the microwave on (plug it in). I'm hidinh in here with ds3 hoping he stops screaming soon. He only ever hits his head on things whe he's had something (calpol???)

It's like he's developed ADHD overnight. He's already foud the washing up liquid and spread it over the entire kitchen (whilst I was changing ds3's nappy) including the clean washing. Know how slippery washing up liquid is? I do!

He's now scremaing in my ear whilst I keep a fixed look at the scream. one thing for sure I am NOT turning the microwave on.

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Jimjams · 25/02/2005 16:18

screen not scream!!!!

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Jimjams · 25/02/2005 16:19

don't think he coould crtash much further tbh!@

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dinosaur · 25/02/2005 16:20

I'm not at all surprised you typed scream. I have a vision you with a print of the Munch picture on your wall!

I wonder what it is that's done it?

When DS1 used to get into terrible tizzies when he was younger, the only thing that worked was to stand firm, and DH was much better at it than I was. So on the basis of my limitedi experience I would agree with the "stand firm" approach.

Tiggiwinkle · 25/02/2005 16:23

I really do sympathise Jimjams-hope you at least get some sleep tonight.

zubb · 25/02/2005 16:27

Jimjams, does ds1 eat the food (biscuits / cakes)that you send in at school, or is it school provided? If they provide it have they changed anything recently?

Jimjams · 25/02/2005 17:44

mum has just come in and said "told you last week when you were giving him calpol you'd have a bad time afterwards". I suspect it is that. I need to be a better homeopath and throw all fever reducers away.

He's going from calm to exploding in 2 seconds. ds2 has just come to tell me that my mum had to pull him out of the toilet. I'm off to inspect the damage. poor old ds3 never gets a full feed!

OP posts:
Jimjams · 25/02/2005 17:45

ds1 was in the toilet not ds2....

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JakB · 25/02/2005 18:29

Oh blimey, Jimjams . One of the really hard things about having an child with autism and other children too is that feeling of being 'caged in', as if you're somehow cut off from the world. It's so hard for people to understand that you simply can't go to the supermarket with an autistic child and another one in tow. Even the simplest things in life are such a challenge, aren't they?
I really empathise with feeling of simply not being able to control your child, no punishment working, feeling as if you have to treat them like an animal. My dd is so physically capable in terms of climbing, running, jumping, reaching- like any other 4 year old but her disjointed cognitive skills are anywhere from 6 months to 18 months. Very hard, the two together, I think.
Sorry, not really offering advice- just sort of saying totally understand and don't know how you are doing it with a newborn in tow too. And I know that intoxicated mania very, very well. Colourings, sugar, Calpol, Nurofen, citric acid and concentrated juice all really affect dd. Thinking of you, Jak BX

bambi06 · 25/02/2005 19:03

WHAT ABOUT VIDEOING HIM WHEN HE`S LIKE THIS TO SHOW THE SS AMONGST OTHERS HOW DESPERATELY YOU NEED HELP..

suedonim · 25/02/2005 19:40

Just to say I'm thinking of you, Jimjams. I wish I could actually do something, though.