Just a very quick question re: stimming

[Chocol8]

Sorry for my ignorance, but could I just ask - does stimming only apply to a physical movement or do noises count as stimming too?

My ds has more recently been making alot of noises either in between speaking and also eating (also cleaning teeth). I used to do this when I was younger and it used to drive my Mum bonkers.

Phone your mp tomorrow chocol8

I would also write a letter to the board of governors. I think they have a legal obligation to get back to you within something like 3 days? (please correct me if I am wrong!)

phone the Educational Welfare Department at your LEA- stae that due to bullying you will not be taking him to school- they will intervene!

They can also help find another school.

You are dealing with this so well- keep us in your thoughts!

I am not dealing with this at all MrsF - I keep bursting into tears. You are in my thoughts and I thank you for your support as always.

I don't want any of my actions to impact on my ds at school, but feel that they may do after such a bad meeting. How can I trust in the school or the head who is surely supposed to represent the school in its best light?

PP suggested that I approach the Children's Legal Centre tomorrow - she is going to give me the number.

Surely the school wouldn't be unprofessional enough to take it out on your DS? Its possible that the headteacher has had time to reflect on what she said and realizes her mistakes. Things might improve a bit for him (hopefully). Good luck with this whatever road you decide to go down.

Thanks Jangly, I would hope they wouldn't be that unprofessional either but after 2 VERY unprofessional meetings - one with SENCO, his class teacher and PP and now the head - I do wonder!

My ds's IEP is now out of date and needs an urgent review and it was only completed in January, because the strategies in place have not been continued. I have no faith left in the school anymore.

I wish I had some useful advice to offer. I have a few suggestions as to what the Head might do with herself but I think they might get deleted if I posted them on here.

I'm speechless! How on earth did this woman get to be a Head????

Oh Choc...

From our own personal experience I have learnt that most head teachers get to where they are because

1. They are excellent PR people who can blind the authorities with their brilliance.
2. They silence their critics who know otherwise.
3. The only good things they talk about are the things they have done.

My son was subjected to years of torment, abuse and mental torture by both pupils and staff at his last mainstream school.Every door I knocked on I had slammed firmly in my face. The authorities all joined ranks and became a united body fighting both hubby and I.
Our head was known as the Head from Hell...he is a lying, cheating, two faced moron and it took me two years of constant battles to expose him for the bully he is.
As families of children with SEN we all need support and understanding....this very rarely happens because each and every school is now run as a busines....the Head Teachers are nothing more than Managers now....they have to balance their books and if that means denying a child the right to a differentiated curriculum, then that is what they will do.....
You have every right as a parent to request a statutory assessment of your childs needs....you do not need the schools support...although it does help...we were told that our son did not meet the criterias set down for an assessent to be requested by his school....so I requested myself and we got 18 hours 1:1....not bad for a child who according to the SENCO, has no SEN.

It is not the school you have no faith in....just its manager!!!!!She so very obviously felt challenged by your efficiency in planning an agenda and having the ability to hold your head together....I bet you wanted to blow your top....I know I would have!!!

Bullying is a serious issue....ask to see a copy of their anti-bullying policy....every school MUST have one. If your child is subjected to bullying the school have to intervene and protect your child....J had his fingers broken by our school bully.....I threatened the school with a disability discrimination tribunal if they did not protect my child.....just because he has ASD and is unaware of the world around him, does not give another child the right to physically attack him, or the school the right to not acknowledge what is happening.

Please do not let this carry on....write to your Board of Govenors, the Cheif Director of your LEA and the Education welfare Officer attached to your school....make sure you cc a copy to the Head, SENCO and class teacher......tell everyone your concerns about how you were treated....she is a bully and must not get away with this.

Once you have exhausted all options then I am afraid removal from the school it must be....for all of your sakes....if your child has SEN and you are entrusting his education to a woman who obviously doesnt care...what chance has he got????

I know how horrid you are feeling...I have been there and it totally exhausted me....but now when I look at my little man fast asleep in his bed at night and he is content I know I did the right thing.
Take care....thinking of you.xxx

C8 - Is ds statemented???

Chocol8, this is just awful, what is that woman doing in teaching at all? Sorry to hear you've got such a horrible fight on your hands.

Jaysmum - how awful for you and your family and well done on getting a statement too! Wow, my hat comes off to you!

Just to let you know that I got a letter in ds's bag today which said: "Thank you for coming to see me today to discuss your concerns about XXXX in school.

You asked me to refer XXXX for statutory assesment. Evaluating the progress he is making in school and the reports from agencies such as the XXXXXX centre, it is my view that currently he would not meet the criteria and I know you were disappointed with this.

As you know we have referred XXXX to the Social and Communications Difficulties team. Following your concerns I have also spoken to our LEA advisor for SEN. I have asked her to come into schoo and observe XXXX so that we have an up-to-date report and advice along with the SCD team's report.

Following her visit XXXX XXXX will contact you to arrange a meeting to discuss her report.

In the meantime I will follow up your concerns regarding implementation of XXXX's IEP and will let you know the outcome".

She obviously is desperately trying to back pedal now as she is putting what she is intending to do in a letter - on file. Incidentally I asked for the SDC team to go in in January and she has now suddenly taken an interest and contacted the LEA off her own back (to protect it presumably).

I am starting a letter next week when I am more relaxed (!) to say how I was treated and the things she said and I will copy it to the Board of Governors. From what I understand - quite a few teachers AND pupils have left the school since she started there - since last September.

Jaysmum is completely correct that heads are no longer what they used to represent - they are managers - I found myself nodding in agreement with that when I thought of the way she used bullying tactics and put downs on me yesterday. Even my sister who came with me has had time to reflect on the things she said and the way she said them and agrees the best thing all round is to get him out of there pronto. From what I saw yesterday, she is coniving and two faced and sadly she has the position of power - for now.

Well done you....I applaud you.I have been thinking about you all day.

One thing I have learnt about myself
is that I was bought up in the generation where we were told to repsect those in authority because they knew better. I am not the brightest light on the christmas tree but I dam well know that the way I was bought up was wrong....those in authority do not always know better!!!!

He is your son....you know him better than any of the professional....if you feel he needs 1:1 to survive and flourish then go for it....request the statement yourself.....don't take the crap that he doesnt meet the criteria....they did that to me and I believed them for two years. Thats two years of my sons education down the pan....he should have had the help then and didn't get it because I was fool enough to believe what the SENCO was saying.

If you do request the statuatory assessment and it gets turned down, you have lost nothing because you simply appeal the decission.

Just one quick question since when has your head teacher qualified as an Educational Psychologist???? I thought it was the EP who doccumented the Educational requirements/strategies and recommendations for the school to follow!!!!!!!

Im going toCAT you something you might find useful.

xxxx

Thanks Jaysmum - it does help that you and other MNs think I am right and that she acted very wrongly. I'm sure everyone has that "is it me in the wrong" scenario going on - I know I did. The previous head badgered me to get a dx - but would not actually say herself what she thought his behaviour was, as you pointed out - she wasn't qualified to do that and she knew it - unlike the new head.

I was pulled inside at the school today and the class assistant told me that my ds had received more facial injuries (a major amount in the last fortnight) playing today - a child pushed him away cos he didn't want to play - again, they made it sound like an accident. The funny thing was that the head just happened to be around and "dealt with it". I received an accident form but like all the others it wasn't correctly filled in. It always looks like my ds has inflicted the injury on himself instead of others inflicting it on him. There wasn't even time to raise that in the meeting yesterday - perhaps because I was being too busy being "rude and aggressive"!!!!!

When my ds is safely in another school, the sh!t will really hit the fan and that woman won't know what's hit her. I have been messed around twice majorly since September by the staff and it's not happening again. Thanks for CATting me Jaysmum. x

Choco,
Hope it was of some help......just know I couldnt have gotten where I am without what I sent you....Good Luckxxxxxx

Thank you so much Jaysmum - I will take a look at it this afternoon.

Oh dear, I was brought up to always question authority and to be suspicious of teachers in particular. Not sure that is any better than the opposite! Choc, its not her decision whether he should have a statement or not, she is not a developmental professional, whatever she may think! You must apply yourself or find someone else you can trust to do it for you or help/support you to do it. I have emailed you now I've surfaced from my usual busy Saturday. Have lost my voice, not sure if everyone prefers it or not!

Sorry I haven't got back to you about this - Davros and Jaysmum especially, thank you for CAT-ing me - you're both stars.

I have spent a lot of this week trying to forget the head's awful behaviour, but also have had some very interesting conversations about it.

I spoke to the vice chair of the governors and she was very helpful - she said to write a letter to the chair of govs and cc it to the head, and that her behaviour for a head was outrageous. I also spoke to a helpline which was excellent: Community Service Direct on 0845 345 4345.

I called on Monday and they made an appt to call me back at a convenient time. I explained the whole thing and about the previous meeting with the SENCo and she was quite horrified too.

She said there was no legal recourse and none of educational negligence but could probably get them on disability discrimination. She added that she was relieved to hear I would be moving schools as alot of parents think that the school will change - and of course they don't. The disability rights commission do offer a concilliation service but can you imagine that!???! No thanks!

I would recommend this number to you all - the woman knew her stuff and had 2 SN children herself so has been there, done that and understands the problems we encounter.

Anyway, I am going to be busy writing a letter (which will take ages to get the wording right, no doubt) and calling IPSEA too, then next Friday, looking at schools. I sadly won't be able to make it to this Meet up but will defo come to the next, and will be thinking of you having a lovely time. Thanks for all your help and support. x

Pleased to hear that you are making progress Choc. Interesting that there are school to look at, hopefully you will find one that is suitable, just think back when MrsF wanted to move her children and now all seems fine, that was a nightmare! Such a shame you won't make the meet up, we'll have to put in another date soon. Well done, keep at it! Shall we check your letter here when you're ready?

Chocol8, glad you are getting somewhere and good luck with looking at schools. Thinking of youXXX

Thanks, yes that would be lovely if I could ask your opinion on the letter.

Surprisingly, there are actually......21 schools in my area to look at (no I didn't mistype!)! Some of them, I know are just not suitable but will pick 3 or 4 and call up on Monday to view on Friday - because of the probs, would like to see the head and SENCo of each school if at all possible.

I know I am in good company with Jaysmum and MrsF, and just the fact that they managed to change things for the better will give me strength to make some big heaped doggy doo doos for that *** of a head. Thank you for thinking of me.

Just to let you know that I have made some appts for viewing schools - so far I have one on Thursday 2 on Friday. The one on Thursday is a really small school - about a quarter of the size of ds's present school, and I am sure he will thrive in a smaller environment. There is alot of small group work if they feel the child needs it, parent school assemblies and class reading every Friday morning.

All this is music to my ears as it's virtually like getting into a prison where he is now!

Of all the 21 schools to choose from, noddy here went and rang the school where his present head used to be head! Oops! I am aware that schools talk, I just hope this doesn't have any repurcusssions on my ds.

I'll let you know how I get on with the schools.

Well done Choc, sounds like you are really on the case.

Yes sounds like stimming to me. my ds used to hum a lot. My sister and I also used to hum while we were eating as children.

Sorry just read through the thread - sorry the meeting was so awful - can't believe people can be so uncaring. Good luck with finding a school.

Thanks, I am glad that this thread is "hidden" inside a totally unrelated question as I don't want it to be found.

It could have been called something like "headmistress is a total and I am going to do unspeakable things to her" or similar.

Eulalia, I originally asked about stimming as I wanted to call what he does by its proper name and confuse the head at the meeting - although I didn't get a chance as she "knows Aspergers children and what they are like"....yeah, right!

You've been busy, Choc! Good luck with finding a better school (any school would probably be better than the current one :angry. Hopefully we'll soon be seeing lots of posts about how much ds likes his new school.