Encouraging independence in ADHD children

[BiscuitsAndT]

We strongly suspect our daughter (nearly 6) has ADHD. It’s present on both sides of our family.

What I’m struggling with at the moment is how to gradually encourage her to be a bit more independent. She hates to be alone in any sense. She won’t fall asleep alone and comes in our bed every night. She often wakes early but doesn’t then want to play alone in her room - often she doesn’t even like to go upstairs at all without one of us. If I leave a room she will usually follow. Even when walking down the street she can’t walk without holding my hand or hanging off my arm, she is constantly seeking physical closeness and connection.

She is still very young and I want her to feel secure and loved - she is very sensitive to rejection. I’m not looking to drastically change anything, just to help her find ways to gradually feel a bit happier and safer without us being constantly physically near her. It’s mainly focused on me and (partly as I have ADHD myself) I often feel quite overwhelmed and overstimulated by her constantly touching me and needing to be close 24/7. Has anyone had any luck in gently encouraging a bit more independence or am I asking too much of her at her age…?

How are DD’s wider anxiety levels? What you describe can be related to anxiety and working on that can help with the dislike of being alone.

Has DD had a sensory OT assessment? Sensory issues can also sometimes be linked. Not just to the need for touch, but also to the dislike of being alone. Do you have any sensory toys/equipment? Things like a bodysok, cuddle ball, weighted blanket, steamroller (similar to what you get in soft play centres) can help give similar sensory feedback to that from e.g. a hug from you. Some people find being alone easier when there is other noise, e.g. from music, white noise, audio book.

Does DD fall asleep quickly when she has someone with her? If not, sometimes the dislike of being alone when falling to sleep is because of the sleep difficulties, and things like melatonin can help. You could try to elastic band technique where you put DD in bed then pop out of DD’s bedroom to for an increasing length of time e.g. start with 30 seconds to put your bag in your bedroom then increasing slowly so over time you fold the laundry on the landing or go to the toilet. Some find an adapted version of gradual retreat works for them. Some people find a two-way monitor or walkie talkies helps. Some find a life size teddy helps.