Does my six-year-old's behaviour sound like PDA or something else?

[Fourlittlepiggies]

My 6 yo girl has always been explosive for lack of a better word. She is wonderful, caring and kind when she wants to be, and I suspect masks at school. She has lots of friends at school and is thriving academically.

I am wondering if her traits point to PDA or if I am completely wrong/ this is normal behaviour. Any guidance would be most appreciated. Fwiw her twin brother is definitely autistic although not diagnosed.

• Daily meltdowns that involve screaming, kicking, smacking usually my DH. She rarely hits me but often screams at me. Tells us and her siblings she hates us and we are the worst mum/ dad etc over seemingly nothing but then calms down and says she is the worst girl in the world
• Has to ‘win’. When she was small, it was a battle to get me to do everything. Now she just wants control over everything.
• Leaving to go anywhere is problematic. We have a morning routine printed out but she messes around every day and takes forever to get ready. I’ve given up getting stressed- the worst that happens is they are late, but DH finds it frustrating that she controls the dynamics and whether the other dc are late/ rushing.
• She will do anything but what I ask. This is driving me NUTS. Eg, at the park with friends today, lots of warnings we are leaving in 10, 5 mins and the moment everyone else is ready to leave, she runs and climbs a tree. Yesterday at a playdate, her brother was ready to leave and she ran back into the garden to read a book.
• Is angry and inconsolable if things are not perfect (a drawing, playing football etc) and will keep going until she gets it as she wants all whilst getting more and more rude and angry.

Does this sound like PDA? I have no idea what to do next. School always say she is fine there and ask what support I would like - I have no idea what is possible.

Yes it does. I’m no professional just another parent my pda kiddo experiences all of those things- also low frustration tolerance and a almost allergic reaction to authority.

Do you have any tips on dealing with the behaviour?

I think it is certainly worth a referral for an autism assessment.

Is DD receiving any support? Have you spoken to the school?

You might find the books The Declarative Language Handbook, The Explosive Child and the Out of Sync Child helpful. Some find non-violent resistance resources useful. It would also help to look at PDA society’s resources.

Nothing from the school. The senco is particularly useless. Because she is seemingly fine at school, they are basically not interested. How do I go about looking into an assessment? Via the GP? I have ordered the explosive child book, thank you!

I would request a meeting with the school in September. The school should provide support. DD appearing to be fine at school doesn’t change that. There will be signs there, the school either isn’t seeing them or seeing them but not recognising them for what they are. If school life was easier, home life would improve too.

The GP &/or school will be able to refer. You might be able to find who can refer in your area online. If you want to go down the right to choose route, the GP will be able to do that.