I can’t parent my PDA autistic son

[mumneeds]

Just as the title says. Both my husband and I are struggling. We are mentally drained. We have a neurotypical younger son too. The PDA child is 9.
He is becoming more rude and difficult. Tearing the family apart. Horrible to his sibling.
I don’t think we parent him right to be honest - there’s so much you have to think about regards lowering demands etc and I don’t think we do it right. It’s so difficult to change things that naturally come to you

It’s putting such a strain on the family. Don’t know what to do anymore. I am not cut out for this.

What support is DS receiving?

Does he attend school? If so, what support do they provide? Does he have an EHCP?

Has DS had an OT assessment?

Some people find the books The Declarative Language Handbook and The Explosive Child and the Out of Sync Child book useful. Some people find non-violent resistance resources helpful. Have you been on any PDA courses?

Do DC have their own bedrooms?

Have you had social care assessments? A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment of DS’s needs.

There may not be anything suitable, but it is also worth looking at your local short breaks offer.

For your younger DC, have a look at Sibs and your local young carers service.

He Attends school. This last year has been difficult though which has lead us to be able to obtain an EHCP. The funding level is just being agreed but it should be a full time one to one.

never had an OT assessment although is something I have thought about doing recently.
I read so much and I take it in but putting anything into practice in the moment is difficult. We can do it sometimes but eventually the cup overspills. We have done no course specifically - I just read a lot.

yes they have their own bedrooms and we give them one to one time. We also have hands on grandparents who help and give them one to one time too.

no social care assessments. I’m not sure what would warrant this?

Our youngest is currently having play therapy

thanks for all the suggestions.

Focus on the provision detailed, specified and quantified in F of the EHCP rather than the funding. That way the provision can be enforced. Is full-time 1:1 in F? What else is in F?

An OT assessment could have been part of the EHCNA. If you have to appeal the EHCP’s content, it is worth thinking about an independent assessment.

It is also worth looking at a home OT assessment. That will help look at making the property safer and better meet DS’s needs.

If DS hasn’t had an OT assessment, has he had a SALT assessment?

I would look at a PDA course. For example, one of PDA society’s courses or one from PAST.

There is more information about the role of children’s services for disabled children and their families can be found here.

I am confident section F is fine. We had someone check it, made changes and we are happy with it. He is at a fantastic school with a brilliant SenCo. They have agreed to funding that equates to 32.5 hours.

I know an OT could have been part of the EHCNA but the council didn’t do one just EP. The EHCP is thorough enough for his needs currently and we will revisit at the annual review if needed.

I have just referred myself to NHS talking therapies

If you think OT is required, I would appeal now/when you have the right of appeal if the LA hasn’t yet finalised rather than wait for the AR. That is because appeals being registered now are coming back with hearing dates in 2028. If you wait a year for the AR then appeal, you are looking at a long time.

I really would focus on F rather than the funding.

I am not convinced OT is required. He is PDA profile. It’s a different specie I swear. He needs support at school from someone who understands PDA.

I just need a big glass of wine. And I haven’t touched alcohol for 11 years. No idea how…

its obviously summer holidays, we’ve spent 2 weeks away already together abroad, throw a couple of birthdays in. I think we are all just overspilling

doesn’t take away from the fact that parenting a PDA child is not for the faint hearted

It doesn’t have to be one or the other.

OT is very helpful for many PDAers.

Training, qualifications and experience of staff (with job titles specified, not just woolly ‘staff’) at school can be included in F, is it?