Me and nursery teacher discussed our concerns about ds today - feel so overwhelmed - long sorry!

[KaySamuels]

I have always had some niggling concerns about ds and it seems his nusery teacher has too. (He is 3 and a half btw)

He is toilet phobic so poos his pants

Is obsessed with toy cars and Thomas the Tank (knows every character's name and colour), and buses.

Lines up objects (not just toys)and becomes unconsolable if they are moved even slightly out of line. Same with towers of blocks.

He has a staple book, and a handful of dvds that he knows every word to. He got a new dvd recently and knew every word the third time he watched it.

Likes things to be 'whole' so a pizza is altogether like a 'window circle', they had a toy one at nursery today and ds was sobbing because someone removed a piece.Same reaction if a puzzle piece is missing.

He has brilliant vocabularly, but talks very formally like a little old man.

Struggles if routines are changed, likes to know in a morning where we are going, what we are doing, who is coming (I childmind).

Gets upset at nusery if an event happens without him being prepare for example coat on time with a prewarning.

I find I adapt conversaion to him as I know what helps for him to respond.

He has also recently developed an obsession with signs.

Teacher said she was pleased I came in to talk to her and had noticed the same things during written observations of him. Has said after half term will call in Head and senco team, with possibility of getting him someone in to nursery to work with him.

She was really nice and I was glad in a strange way that she had noticed but I feel so sad for ds. I don't know how this will affect him or what will happen - feel lik world has been plonked on my head upside down. Has anyone been through similar??

Also want to add that since we have got help for ds (he's the same age as yours) that he has been so much calmer and happier. So you really are doing the best thing for your ds by tackling this head on. It's scary and opens up a whole new world to you. But some of the nicest, most open and honest people I have met have been since I entered the special needs world.
There's nothing like a group of sn mums on a training course to make you wet yourself laughing .

Kay - sorry your having a rough time atm - but it sounds like your ds's school are really good and getting help early will be a really good thing for him and you.

i understand how you're feeling about the c'minding atm - but like pinkchick said it's better for you both than if you had to work outside the home and send him to a c/m.

Does your ds find it hard playing with the mindees re: the lining up/organising theme? i mind a child i suspect has mild autism{have tried to {gently}discuss it with Mum but it falls on deaf ears - i don't think she is ready to hear it} he lines up cars/trains and gets very fixated on what he's doing this makes it hard when other children want to play too.

Yes Vi I have a one year old I mind who is into everything and adores ds, but ds finds it really upsetting when he is here as his play is extremely fixed and structured, and he is very funny about personal space too from incidents with a different mindee.

When 1yr old mindee comes ds often retreats to his room crying which leaves me feeling terribly guilty.

nikos thanks you have all been really great, and has definately been eye opening regarding friends and family.

Tclanger - I am very selective about friendships anyway so am worried I will have even fewer left! Mind you I need support right now not negativity so I agree about sorting through your friends.

In response to nikos - well, every child is so different obviously and I can only offer a teacher's perspective - and I am no expert!What I have found is that if parents are accepting of the diagnosis and work closely with the school that really helps. Denying their child may need some support can be really damaging and the child may suffer. I have taught a number of boys with Aspergers, only one girl(I teach English)and some have had no problem at all (I would not have known had I not read their notes and education plan)but some needed extra help in lessons, particularly with writing things down.The one thing I would say is that all the children I have taught with Aspergers have been very, very bright (prob top 5-10% at school).Some of the children have had a few social issues particulaly when they first come to secondary school but they tend to sort these out as they mature.Some can seem a little eccentric but then so can a lot of children!! Most have extra support in some lessons, again as they progress through school this tends to reduce. Those children who had an early diagnosis seem to cope beter - more time to get used to extra help etc? If a child comes into our school with a diagnosis we do everything we can to give them the individual support they need - I def do not think there should be a one size fits all approach.
I initially posted because I feel really sad and cross that people can be negative about autistic children and what they can achieve and I would hate you lovely mummies to be given a hard time. I know it's impossible not to worry but honestly this does not mean that your child will not be happy and achieve their full potential.x

Hi Kay,

Sorry your going through all this, i was in the same place 2 years ago with my DD who is now 5.5 and was Dxd with AS in september last year.

Like the others have said, it does get much easier. I found this not knowing far more geart rendering to deal with that the actual Dx. Its fantastic that his nursery are activley seeking the support that your DS needs.

Have you thought about schools yet? we had a really hellish start to school with my DD because we saddly chose the wrong school for her. She has now moved schools and is doing amazingly well.

Tclanger - can totally relate to the snappy terrier, im so like this !!

Booboo - thanks so much for posting, it is very encouraging. I'm trying to focus on the here and now at the moment (ds only 3.5 ) but thoughts do stray to the future and it can be worring, especially when you read about AS teenagers being lonely and bullied. So it is very helpful when you post.

Went to my new GP's yesterday morning with ds and explained the situation, he said it is the educational pyschologist who will make the dx is that right? So why did I need a referral? Left feeling a little foolish and confused .

Was the doc misguided/fobbing me off or is he right?

Also if the school have edpsych coming anyway do I still need to send the ipsea letter off?

I won't be back on after about 8.30am today as I have a course to go to, then a mystery shop to do, then off to a bbq I can't be arsed with (friends of DP). Could have done with a day in bed, no chance of that with ds about!

Kay this is NOT what happened with us. Do you mind me asking where you live. We are in London. Our DS was referred to the Ed Psych via his school but when we saw her she recommended that we seek a referral via our GP ourselves to the Child Development team as it would be quicker which we did and it has all been fairly straightforward from there. As far as I was aware the Ed Psych does NOT make the diagnosis but refers you onwards to a development team or developmental paediatrician if that is the route that you go. But this can either be done via the GP or the Ed Psych.

It might not be the way it is done in your area but you didnt do anything wrong so don t feel foolish at all. Someone will probably come alone with more experience than me but I think maybe your GP might have got it wrong.

I am in E.Yorkshire AlMummy, I have a feeling he has it mixed up too TBH but wasn't sure so didn't wantt question him.

DS's nursery teacher said she would put me in touch with the community health visitor who is appparently really helpful so I will ask her for her number on Monday, maybe she will be more in the know.

Oh bugger need to get off here pronto!

Hi Kay,

Re your comments:-

"Went to my new GP's yesterday morning with ds and explained the situation, he said it is the educational pyschologist who will make the dx is that right? So why did I need a referral? Left feeling a little foolish and confused hmm".

Grrr at your GP. He is wrong. Ed Pysch cannot diagnose or make any diagnosis. You should be referred to a developmental paediatrician at a Child Development Centre (your GP can refer you to such a person) because such people can diagnose.

"Was the doc misguided/fobbing me off or is he right?"

No, see above

"Also if the school have ed psych coming anyway do I still need to send the ipsea letter off?"

Yes!!!. Get the ball rolling!.

HTH

Attila

Thanks attila that helps. I am not usually so easily fobbed off but feel a bit lost with all this.

Will print out ipsea letter and post it tomorrow too.

I am having a shitty tough day today.

Mindee here who ds struggles to cope with. DS is crying at the drop off a hat, in a high pitched babyish wail 'waaah', if mindee goes near him, takes a toy, drinks his own drink (!), if ds gets a drop of milk on table. DP witnessed 10mins of this yest and said it was grating on him.

I really can't afford to give notice but if this is something ds can't help then what else can I do?

Sorry you are having a hard time KS.

FWIW about every 6 weeks or so DS has a really crap week - meltdowns, unbelievably awful behaviour and I really struggle to cope. Then he is fine again. It is as though he is making a bit of a leap in that time because then for a while everything is great and you wouldn't know that anything was wrong. Think others on here have noticed that with their dc as well. Hopefully this will pass. Chin up .

Thanks ALMazing

Mindee gone home now, baby mindee asleep and ds at nursery so having a well earned cuppa!

He does seem to have spurts of doing very well then finding things tough again actually, got through this morning by repeating the phrase 'this too shall pass'.!

DS barricaded himself in a corner with a comic and sat reading to himself in the end!

I am finding it hard as I said to DP at the moment I knd of feel in limbo as I don't know what behaviour we should be 'tackling' and what he can't help or is genuinely struggling with. Hoefully edpysch can sed some light in july....

My ds will have a rough patch and then come through it - I do the 'this too shall pass' thing too! We usually just have to ride it out and then he is absolutely fine for a while. Sorry this is your bad time tho.
It must be hard for you that ds struggles to cope with mindee but now matter how hard he finds it he will need to learn to cope with other children being in his space so might be no bad thing to be starting now while he's young. Sorry if that sounds harsh - was just thinking about school and nursery where children are bound to take toys and stuff.

You are right seuss he will have to learn at some point to deal with these things, at least at ho I can help him through it all.

He must have been tired today, fell asleep at the table straight after tea! He was up at 5am declaring it was xmas...

Where do they get these ideas from? My ds woke at 6 yesterday giggling at something he'd seen on telly the night before! I wouldn't mind but usually if he gets up early he is miserable by the time the school bus comes cos he is tired! The phases of getting up to early also tend to coincide with the challenging phases so perhaps it's a tiredness thing too - not that he'll go to sleep any earlier tho!

DS has been going on about xmas for a few weeks now (sigh), he just can't seem to grasp how far away it is, may have to do a visual countdown for him (it's 190 days to go in case you're interested). He wants a blue cuckoo clock that must say 'CUCKOO' and a fireman sam red fire engine.

Seuss your ds sounds adorable

OMG - Is there anything before christmas you can distract him with? Holiday?Birthday? Good luck with the cuckoo clock too! Did he see that on something? My ds comes up with these really obscure references and it's like a game of guess the tv programme.

We've just got over a very long countdown to our last holiday (half-term). Some bright-spark mentioned it to him back in February so we had three months of 'holiday house?' We finally went on holiday and I was dreading the last night but when it came to it he started sobbing because he missed his computer and he wanted to go home there and then! I was on the verge of bundling them in the car in their jim-jams when he finally dropped off - not so adorable that night!

Mums on here with kids on the AS spectrum, how do you deal with sharing??DS had a playdate at his friends with another child (3 in total) and I had to pick him up as he was sobbing uncontrollably over a go-kart!! Also happens at nursery while we waiting to go in. I am finding it eally upsetting and worry about the other kids disliking ds, and other parents judging. Trouble is til we see edpysch/ get a dx I don't know how to help him?! He had tears rollin down his cheeks when I took him in today and I struggled not to cry myself.