Family support

[Mummyof2asd]

Hi 👋
I have two autistic children and life can be very hard and stressful. They both do not sleep so feel burnt out constantly. Just upset as I have a big family, a mum that does not work and I get no support whatsoever. I know they are my kids my responsibility but would be nice if someone could just watch them for a hour so I can tidy the house or have a nap lol. What’s worse is my mum babysits my sisters child over weekends. I wouldn’t never expect that just some support. I am on antidepressants as finding it hard to cope, my husband works long hours. The doctor asked if I have any support network and the truth is I don’t at all . Don’t no the point Of this just feel sad that grandparents have no relationship with their grandchildren :( there not old either in there 50’s I suppose I just get jealous when I see grandparents at school gate or taking the children on days out I have never had that and I need it now more than ever, I’m so tired the only support I feel I have is from the teachers at school how sad is that lol

The truth is you have to create that relationship and feed it for your children. It rarely comes by itself. Have you asked them if they could help you?

Can you speak to your family about it?

Have you looked at support from elsewhere? For example, social care assessments (a carer’s assessment for you and assessments for DC from the children with disabilities team), looking at your local short breaks offer, requesting a referral to a sleep clinic.

@BrightYellowTrain i have spoke to them about it but doesn’t really change anything I know their my kids and my responsibility but I do get jealous of thoughs that get family support . My kids only do a part time table at school as well as their in mainstream but not coping no placements in SEN schools apparently:( I went doctors about there sleep and was told because their not adults they can’t be referred to a sleep clinic . When you say social care is that like social services?

@TomeTome yes I have asked a number of times if they could help out and then the subject just gets changed, there more into their dogs than there grandkids tbh funny thing is my mum used to always moan about my grandparents never being involved with us and how bad they were for not making effort , now she is exactly the same lol

do a part time table at school

If DC are compulsory school age and unable to attend school full-time, the LA has a duty to ensure they still receive a suitable, full-time education. You can request this provision using one of the model letters on IPSEA’s website.

If DC are compulsory school age and the reason they can’t attend school full time is because the school is refusing to allow them, this is an unlawful exclusion. Email the headteacher informing them DC will be attending full time unless formally suspended.

no placements in SEN schools apparently

Being full is not enough of a reason to refuse to name your preferred placement in the EHCP. The LA has to prove the school is so full placing DC there is incompatible with the efficient education of others or use of resources. There is a point the LA can do this, but it is a much higher bar than LAs and schools admit. Do you currently have the right of appeal? If so, appeal. If not, request an early review in order to try to get the right of appeal.

was told because their not adults they can’t be referred to a sleep clinic

This isn’t correct. Even if your area doesn’t have a paediatric sleep clinic, you can request to be referred out of area.

When you say social care is that like social services?

Yes. It isn’t a slight on your parenting. The Children with Disabilities team can support families with disabled DC.