Thread 14 - Autism and any other SEN

[dimples76]

Thread 13.

For parents / carers of disabled children, autism, adhd, and all other related neurological conditions. Most of us have children in primary school. But everybody welcome!

Chatting about anything and everything related to SN!

Links to previous threads.

Thread 12
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4816294-thread-12-autism-and-any-other-additional-needs?page=1

Thread 11
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4711291-primary-school-auties-11-2023-is-here 

Thread 10
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4592899-primary-school-auties-10-summer-and-beyond-2022?page=1

Thread 9
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4502988-Primary-school-auties-thread-9-spring-summer-2022

Thread 8
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4422100-Primary-school-auties-step-into-Christmas-and-the-New-Year-thread-8

Thread 7
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7

Thread 6
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6

Thread 5
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?page=36&reply=104240251

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Thread 3
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

How is everyone? Made it to half term hols in one piece? We are generally doing wellish - no messages from school this week so that's something.

As I may have mentioned DS goes to a club once a fortnight on Saturday mornings organised by a local SEND charity. He has been going for a year and always seems to enjoy it. It has given me some respite and also means that I can spend time 1:1 with DD. The charity supports children and young up to age 30 so I was thrilled to get on their books. Out of the blue (to me) DS has announced that he does not like it and doesn't want to go any more. I spoke to the charity and they said that he always seems to have fun and is making friends but that last time he did get upset when someone asked him to move his cuddly toy. My current plan is to try and bribe him into going in the morning in the hope that if he attends he might remember that he likes it...I am not holding out much hope though.

Hi guys! I had a bit of a flounce off MN when they brought in the pay or consent model but I missed you all so much, I've come back! Hope everyone is doing OK. We are pootling along still, looking forward to half term!

Good to hear from you Lydia, glad all’s well.

Dimples, that’s frustrating. Our kids can be so stubborn, even when it means missing out on something they enjoy.

We are good, it’s half term here this week. Ds has been doing well and hopefully a week off won’t set him back too much.

Has anyone watched the new Chris Packham docs and The Assembly? Highly recommend both.

I also paid for an online session by Pete Wharmby talking about autism and adolescence. We didn’t watch in person but still need to watch the replay.

@Open I have watched the ADHD one but not the other programmes yet.
Good news DS went into his SEN club with minimal persuasion and no bribery and is happy to keep on going.
We're having a mini break at Yorke Wildlife Park. It has been very good so far with only a couple of fairly brief challenging episodes from DS.

@Open I watched the Assembly last night which I think that you recommended. I found it very heart warming. I have watched the new Chris Packham documentaries too. They did not hit me as hard as the Autism one but I did find the video with the thoughts being thrown at the guy as balls very effective. I also realised that I probably should no more about dyslexia.

How is everyone?

DS is showing a bit more self awareness but it is not affecting his actions at the moment....The other day when we were driving along DD spotted some rabbits by a roundabout and started her lament about how she really wants a bunny. I said we have spoken about this before and it's not possible at the moment. Dd asked why and DS responded 'it's because Mum thinks that I would hurt it'. I asked DS if he thought that he would hurt it and he said yes. I praised him for being honest but could not get any further with him. I think that I am going to contact the RSPCA education team and see if they have any advice.

dimples we’ve watched all of the assembly now, I really loved them. Weirdly, there’s one on BBC and then a further four on ITV, incase you didn’t know. I want to see the Jamie Oliver programme on dyslexia too.

Tricky re ds but hopefully greater awareness can lead to change in time.

I’m reading, all ok here with the DC but having a really awful time, worst 2 weeks of my life!! Saw parents a couple of weeks ago, dinner etc, all fine then a few hours later had a frantic call from mum saying dad had had a massive stroke totally out of the blue. It was touch and go for a few days then he got pneumonia and last weds we were summoned to effectively say goodbye… mum and I digging out our powers of attorney, just awful. He’s pulled round again but just very tired, can’t get out of bed. Can’t swallow or speak. We have a further meeting in a couple of weeks to discuss ‘options’, quality of life etc if no improvements. That all said, his brain scan was not terrible so drs now saying ‘wait and see.’ But am I being realistic to think an 81 year old can really pull through this (with any quality of life????). Any experiences??

mum in a state, doesn’t live local, doesn’t drive, I’ve no siblings! All a total nightmare…

I didn't know that @Open. I just saw the iplayer one. Will have to check the others out.

So sorry about your Dad, @Carrie. That sounds very hard. Sometimes people do defy the odds. My Grandad was in a coma for weeks after surgery when he was in his late 70s. He lived until 90 and up until the last couple of years (when he had dementia) he enjoyed those years. Take care

I’m so sorry carrie, that sounds very hard. No real experience; my stepdad had a minor stroke a couple of years ago so not really comparable though loads of other health conditions too. I think at that age, things can snowball. How fit and well is he usually?

Thanks both. I’m terms of ailments just the usual for that age (BP etc), but he’s a ‘slow’ 81.. likes to potter, eat out, doesn’t really exercise, a bit overweight, likes a sedentary lifestyle. Had artery unblocking a couple of years ago a bit like Jeremy clarkson but that was seen as preventative and for him was presented as optional for a better life.

@Ahna65 how are you, how are the new meds going??

carrie I hope things are ok.

I hope everyone has had a good weekend with nice weather, it’s been quite warm here.

Ds is doing well. Ups and downs but overall pretty good. We have his AR soon.

Hi all, so sorry to hear about your dad @carriebradshawwithlessshoes how are things now?
@dimples76 the awareness is good isn't it, I guess it's working on empathy and why we take care of creature next. Rspca should have some good advice.
We are OK, far too hot here and all struggling. Looking forward to a weekend and then hopefully it will cool down at the start of next week. It's the summer solstice tomorrow so the nights will gradually get darker again after that, not that that makes any difference to bedtimes anymore as DS always falls asleep after 10 now. Still, i think that's just his body clock. Oh and our other news is that we got some rescue hens a while ago, who are great, and we're caged battery hens so are now living their best lives in my garden! The eggs are.lovely, cleaning their run not so much!

Lovely to hear from you all. Struggling as dad passed away. But I’ll be back soon to say more…

I would say struggling after 2 days of him seeming so much better, awake, talking etc. making it very hard.

Oh carrie. I’m so, so sorry

Thank you Open x

Oh @carriebradshawwithlessshoes I'm so so sorry, hope you're as OK as can be xxx

Thank you Lydia x

So sorry to read your news, @Carrie

Take care

Thank you Dimples x

@dimples76 may I ask as I know you lost your dad (I think tho your parents were separated so maybe a bit of a diff scenario?) how long it takes to adjust? Just awful… kids bthdays next weekend and I was saying to DH who would come, I said well ‘obviously mum and dad’ DH looked at me like I’d lost the plot! Still stumbling over saying ‘they’ and ‘their’ asked mum for dinner tonight and it just felt so wrong not having dad. Sat here crying now and hoping DD doesn’t emerge from her room. Kept just expecting him to pop up like he was in the loo or fetching something from the car. Just feel so sad. Kept thinking how happy he would be to be here on a lovely evening in our garden with the kids, a nice meal and a glass of wine. Sorry I know this thread is supposed to be about our DC 😢😢

Don’t be sorry carrie, we’re here to support each other

Oh @carriebradshawwithlessshoes it must be awful. How are the DC coping? It's a huge process of adjustment. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself xx

Of course it is not just about the DCs @Carrie , and we are all here to support you

So my Dad died ten years ago but you are right, my parents divorced when I was at university. I kind of mourned our relationship at that point too. For example, at my 21st (2 months after my Dad walked out)I remember thinking we shouldn't start eating because not everyone was there - but then realised that all the guests were present, it was my Dad that was missing.

I am not surprised that you are struggling to adjust. I think that your Dad's health deteriorated very fast. Whereas for me my Dad was diagnosed with incurable prostate cancer 2.5 years before he died and then a few months before he died we learnt that it had spread to the brain. So I had a lot longer to come to terms with what was happening and it was a more gradual letting go. The last couple of weeks of his life were painful to witness.

Easier said than done but just try to take each day as it comes and expect a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. I also wouldn't worry about the DC seeing you cry - I think it will help you all. My DS was only 22 months when my Dad died (and I had only been his Mum for 6 months). Looking back I probably overdid it trying to keep everything normal for DS. But when my Gran died aged 100 a couple of years ago I did more openly grieve in front of the children.