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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Mail on Sunday Magazine

1010 replies

lottiejenkins · 02/03/2008 23:23

I found this article today..........I thought it was very moving,,,, what a decision that lady made... dont think i could do it though!
www.mailonsunday.co.uk/pages/you/article.html?in_article_id=522925&in_page_id=1908

OP posts:
pagwatch · 10/03/2008 16:34

Ah how sure footed you are talies.
You have managed to completely avoid the many many points made to you and picked up on the 'stupid' line because you didn't say that verbatim.
You did not say the word "stupid" but your comments implied it

Your comments about jealousy implied that parents of SN kids are jealous because they are too stupid to work the system as JH did.

You also say

"Whilst people are prepared to commit themselves to a life of poverty, where their partners are very likely to abandon them, their relationships with their other children fail."
which also insinuates that parents keeping their sn children at home are misguided and wrong to do so. Pretty sweeping.

Mamazon · 10/03/2008 16:35

absolutly.

how damagnig this book will be if offered to a young mother who has had her newborn recently diagnosed.

wannaBe · 10/03/2008 16:42

are there other books? written by people who have been in the same situation and who have come through it and can tell their story some years down the line?

Taliesintraction · 10/03/2008 16:50

Now there's a funny thing WannaBe, one thing in this situation that really did get me angry was the alleged comments of the paed.

Saying Immie would never have inteligence.

Now that I did find offensive.

Thats not to say that I felt it was OK for JH to describe Immie as an animal, but in her case I was prepared to allow for a bit of ignorance.

For a paed though to say something like that is quite beyond what I would accept.

Me a medico?

Wrong again.....

What is about needing to know what I am, is that going to be some way of writing off my experience and knowledge as less valid than yours?

And for Yurt1 I don't necesarily think that dumping your children on the state is right, just as I do not necesarily agree that bearing and caring for a child with extra needs should mean that you are expected to put everything in your life aside to provide for them so that the state does not have to.

FioFio · 10/03/2008 16:52

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FioFio · 10/03/2008 16:52

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2shoes · 10/03/2008 16:54

how very odd
By 2shoes on Mon 10-Mar-08 10:44:01
By 2shoes on Mon 10-Mar-08 09:26:16
Taliesintraction do you actually have any real life experience of caring for a disabled child?
what are your credentials for coming on the sn board and having a pop at us

twice I have asked and twice I have been ignored. do you think this odd?
why?

FioFio · 10/03/2008 16:55

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Mamazon · 10/03/2008 17:03

i think that you are attempting to post with some sort of authority on this subject TI and tha is why people have questioned yruo experiance on teh subject.

there are posters here who have given an opinion but who have stated they have no first hand experiance, but the majority of us do have a child with SN.
We are looking at this story from JH's PoV.

the angle at which youcome at this stopry may well explain why you feel so differently to most of us

wannaBe · 10/03/2008 17:07

in reality I don't think it matters who you are. but you wrote:

"I am not sure That I want to tell anyone who i am or what i do.

There has already been enough implicit threat and open judgement on this thread.".

Which implies that you are someone worth judging, iyswim?

why would people judge unless you were in a position where people felt it necessary to judge your opinions, ie some sort of authority.

although tbh I recognize your writing style - I just can't think where from, so I suspect you are merely a namechanger who doesn't have the balls to put your name to your opinions.

turquoise · 10/03/2008 17:07

"For Tania caring is a vocation; she doesn't mourn the child Imogen could have been, as I did. It's so much better that Imogen is with her than in a home where the carers wouldn't cuddle her and couldn't give her emergency medication"

Isn't that precisely what Julia was abandoning her to initially? That or worse? The fact that it has worked so well with Tania was not Julia's doing, yet it seems to be a major part in the view she seems to be putting over of herself as a brave, tragic heroine.

2shoes · 10/03/2008 17:10

tbh fio I couldn't give a flying fuck.
I am getting bored now. I don't see why I should waste my ebergy talking to someone who only wants to hear their own "voice"
so shall ignore the troll from now on.

yurt1 · 10/03/2008 17:10

"I do not necesarily agree that bearing and caring for a child with extra needs should mean that you are expected to put everything in your life aside to provide for them so that the state does not have to."

Er who does

I don't know anyone who has done that.

FioFio · 10/03/2008 17:12

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FioFio · 10/03/2008 17:13

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Taliesintraction · 10/03/2008 17:13

Hi paquatch

I certainly did not say that anyone was stupid.

Neither did I mean to imply that there was anything clever about what JH did.

Where I have been consistent is in saying that everyone is looking for and negociating their own solution and if it works for their children then that is OK.

In terms of poverty:

Many carers end up giving up work and surviving on benefits alone.

That is pretty close to poverty in my books.

Broken or strained relationships with other birth children were things spoken of by others on here. I was simply pointing out that the needs of all children in a familly need to be included.

Someone on here was saying that 90 percent of relationships where there is a child with extra needs end up breaking down. That sounds a very high figure to me.

Maybe we have come at this story from the wrong angle.

That JH thought of her child in that fashion is a reflection of societies attitude to disability.

That she was placed in a situation where there was no support even when it was clear she was not coping is not acceptable either.

I wonder if, from day one she had been surrounded by people who had positive views of disabled children, who were committed to helping her cope, things might have gone altogether a diferent way.

As it is though, Immie is obviously happy and well cared for which is what it should be about for every child.

yurt1 · 10/03/2008 17:14

I wish people (er Talies whatevers/he'scalled) would stop saying you need to be some sort of martyr to care for a severely disabled child and that's the only option. It's beginning to grate. Not sure how many times it can be pointed out that's untrue.

yurt1 · 10/03/2008 17:17

What sort of support could have been offered to Julia. From what she's written. Nothing other than as I've already said, a magic wand.

The needs of all the children in a family can be met with a disabled child in the midst. They even get some benefits from that.

yurt1 · 10/03/2008 17:17

What sort of support could have been offered to Julia. From what she's written. Nothing other than as I've already said, a magic wand.

The needs of all the children in a family can be met with a disabled child in the midst. They even get some benefits from that.

FioFio · 10/03/2008 17:17

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yurt1 · 10/03/2008 17:17

god I must have the jitters everything is posting twice.

yurt1 · 10/03/2008 17:18

It's usually 80% breakdown for autism that's quoted- but I heard that figure wasn't actually correct and it was lower.

I don't think there are figures tbh.

wannaBe · 10/03/2008 17:20

lots of relationships fail though talies. lots do not involve children with sn.

2shoes · 10/03/2008 17:23

By turquoise on Mon 10-Mar-08 17:07:57
"For Tania caring is a vocation; she doesn't mourn the child Imogen could have been, as I did. It's so much better that Imogen is with her than in a home where the carers wouldn't cuddle her and couldn't give her emergency medication"
that is omething I don't get. the bit about emergencey medication.
if a foster mum can be trined then why couldn't a supposedly educated() woman like JH.

FioFio · 10/03/2008 17:24

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