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Original poster

Emotional from school play but for all the wrong reasons

85 replies

ThomCatsAreNotJustForXmas · 03/12/2004 23:18

(just typed this all out and lost it, so excuse the way i type this out again now.)

School play today, Lottie was as heep. \
When the other sheep moved anywhere from their position at the side of the stage Lottie was picked up by a teacher, carried off and taken to sit with the teachers, tather than just be left, happy, with the other kids standing or sat at the side of the stage.

It took every ounce of self control to stop myself from rushing the teacher and grappling Lottie off her and putting her with all the other kids. I was fuming and gutted.

I had a word today, I will have more (with the 700 pound cheque in my hand for the next term) and I have spoken to Portage who are in ther on Tuesday.

I feel like they killing her with kindness. It broke my heart today that they didn't just leave her alone to be with the other kids. She was fine, they didn't need to single her out.

OWWWWWWWWWW. Ow, ow, ow.

Well they have a chance to rectify this, hopefully we can make them see what they are doing wrong and ohh, ......................

sorry lost the will to type.

OP posts:
spacedonkey · 04/12/2004 12:03

on your behalf TC XXX

noangel · 04/12/2004 12:12

That little girl is more important than their sodding play ! Sorry, know that doesn't help much. Just seems so insensitive. Try and have a quiet talk with them when a bit of time has gone by and you are feeling a bit better. Good luck. x

Angeliz · 04/12/2004 12:13

Thomcat, i really feel angry on your behalf and totally agree it was ridiculous to single her out!
Hope Lottie didn't get upset and hope you're feeling better today+

sis · 04/12/2004 12:26

Thomcat, I hope this was a one-off bad call on the school's part and you get things sorted out for the future. I am very sad and angry on your behalf because you never get that 'my child's first christmas play' moment back, do you? so sorry and I hope you and Lottie have a fantastic weekend to compensate.

aloha · 04/12/2004 12:38

Oh I'm so, so sorry it went wrong. I know how much you were looking forward to it. How absolutely gutting....and just not fair. I imagine they thought they were doing the 'best thing for everyone' etc, but obviously it wasn't. She's clearly such a lovely, sociable creature that she would have been quite happy sitting with her flock. I think they just didn't think... of course you should talk to them about what inclusion really means - agree with everyone that shouldn't have to be your job but, hey, when I read about the stuff you do for Lottie that shouldn't be your job I feel quite humbled by it. Good luck with your meeting with them. How did Lottie feel about the day? I hope you are having a good weekend and not feeling so devastated.
BTW you made me laugh about your 'failure' to make Xmas cards with Lottie and her eating all the glitter. I promise, that's exactly what my lad would be like. In fact, you are a much braver mum than me....I haven't even let H have any glitter...

KangaSantaMummy · 04/12/2004 12:41

I don't know what else to add apart from sending you and lottie cyberhugs {{{{}}}}

Socci · 04/12/2004 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Chocol8 · 04/12/2004 15:24

I'm sorry I missed your thread last night Thomcat - totally agree with you and everyone else, the school should not have done this, to Lottie or you.

It does sound like the school really didn't think and for that I am so sorry. I really hope you are not letting this spoil your weekend, although it is easier said than done, I know hon.

Big hugs to you and the gorgeous Lottie. ((((((()))))))

SilentBite · 04/12/2004 15:30

oh tc grrrr am fuming on your behalf.

maddiemo · 04/12/2004 15:37

Thomcat, I think it is "kill by kindess". DS3 did a year at a mainstream nursery and we had lots if instances like yours.

Sorry it made you sad for the wrong reason.

Perhaps you could give them a sort of action plan of how you would like certain situations dealt with.

deegward · 04/12/2004 16:31

TC they were just wron wrong wrong, go in and have it out with them. Ds1 is going to be a sheep too ( on Friday) and is getting into part by going around baaaing everywhere!

JovialJakB · 04/12/2004 19:23

TC, really sorry to hear about this. I can totally see why you were upset . Sounds like they need the benefit of all your wonderful wisdom ramming down their throats... (sorry, gone all agressive all of a sudden!!)

TheHollyAndTheTwiglett · 04/12/2004 19:35

so sorry that happened TC .. hope you're feeling better now

thank god Lottie has you for a mummy though .. I'm sure its going to change very soon with you fighting her corner

JuniperDropofbrandy · 04/12/2004 19:38

very sad to hear this thomcat it's out of order IMO

MariNativityPlay · 05/12/2004 00:00

Oh TC, just seen this. The idiots. Oh, how could they be so insensitive. Hope you are feeling a little better today

coppertop · 05/12/2004 11:53

Sorry I missed this thread, TC. I'm probably a bit late but I hope you're feeling a little better by now. I suspect it was done through ignorance more than anything else but it doesn't make it feel any better.

wobblystarryknicks · 05/12/2004 11:55

Have only just seen this too TC - how upsetting for you and Lottie - hope you're feeling a bit better now.

mizmiz · 05/12/2004 14:35

Thomcat, I think you hit the nail on the head
with your reference to 'killing with kindness'.
As a SALT I have worke in many many schools (both mainstream and special) and this is the biggest hurdle I come across. God the examples are numerous. Here's a few....

Dressing kids who can do it themselves perfectly well with a little time.

Choosing snacks and pouring drinks, when again, the kids could do it themselves (fabulous lang. opportunity, asking for drinks and food-very PECS!!!)

Dumping things in front of kids for things like art classes instead of letting them ask for them (another lang. opp. down the toilet)

Taking over art & craft projects so that they look 'nice' (do they really think that the parents would rather a bloody Mother's day card obviously made by the teacher over a blotchy thingthe child has had some FUN doing?!)

My classic 'test' is to leave the class with a child and see how many will attempt to open the door and how many will just hang back passively and let me do it.Most fall into the latter category! Perfectly able bodied as well!

None of the above examples are done in a malicious way. Rather, the staff think they are being helpful, or they want to hurry things along. IMO the latter reason is good enough at home but inexcusable in a school setting. The crux of education is to enable independence especially so in the case of kids with S/N.
In my view, this attitude is the biggest hurdle to the development of these children and needs to be nipped in the bud.

The WHO use the impairment/disability/handicap triad, to illustrate the point that you can have a 'large' impairment but a very 'small' handicap, because the extent of your handicap depends entirely on what facilities/opportunities are available for you.

For example, read an article recently in which the girl who uses a wheelchair in 'The Office' 'roadtested' the city of San Diego, which is so wheelchair friendly that she could get out and about independently (impossible for her in London). In other words, despite a serious impairment (Cerebal Palsy? Can't remember exactly) in this setting, her handicap was practically non-existent.

I know that someone as together as you doesn't need my advice but Ijust want to say that Iknow how you feel-have screamed silently at this sort of thing literally thousands of times.
When people disagree with me on this point, Ismile brightly and say that was what good enough for children with s/n 15 years ago just won't DO now, and it's time for a change!!

mizmiz · 05/12/2004 14:37

Think I got the terms a bit muddled in the WHO triad but hopefully you know what I'm driving at!

JanH · 05/12/2004 15:08

mizmiz, what a great post, if only all SN staff could be more like you!

TC, I am so sorry, it would have broken my heart too. I hope that when you have a word (quote mizmiz at them!) they will realise it was wrong - I'm sure what they did seemed sensible and helpful to them at the time.

Was Lottie bothered though? I really hope she enjoyed being in her first play. XXX

EniDeepMidwinter · 05/12/2004 15:12
Sad

wishing you lots of special mummy/daughter cuddles for the next few days x E

Original poster
ThomCatsAreNotJustForXmas · 05/12/2004 18:20

Thanks girls.

Not sure if Lottie was bothered, hard to tell, I mean she wasn't obviuosly bothered but she's 3, she knows what's going on and I don't know if she thought it odd that she wasn't sitting with her class mates.

If the play is indicative of most days at school, then ...... well let's not go there, I just can't.

Portage go in on Tuesday and they have 1 more term to get it right and then we'll reassess.

I just need them to be aware of her needs but not focus on them. I need them to let her get on with life and include her in everything.
If they can do that she stays, if not, she doesn't.

OP posts:
Santasluckylittlehelper · 05/12/2004 18:37

I think you've nailed it there TC................

Hope you can get them to see where they're going wrong. XX

soapboxingday · 05/12/2004 22:48

What really depresses me about this Thomcat is that you have always stressed in all your posts that Lottie is just a normal child like any other (who may have some special needs) and that you are just a normal mum like any other.

I'm sorry for you that in the actions they took, they managed to undermine what you want for your child. I'm sorry too that at a time when you are entrusting her care to those outside the family unit for the first time, that they have let you down.

I really do hope that you can get your message across to them - it is sooooo important!

merrymarthamoo · 05/12/2004 23:05

Grrrrr for school and (((hugs))) for you - I am so sorry that what should have been a lovely experience turned out so badly. I bet Lottie was the best sheep by far, too.