I posted this in education/SEN then realised this exists and might be more appropriate - would really appreciate any insight. Apologies it's very long...
My 9yo DD (year 4) is very emotional, highly strung, and anxious and I increasingly think something more is going on than personality/behaviour.
At school she is very capable, apparently works fine, has friends (tends to have intense close friendships with high conflict triggered by/in her) and seems popular. No behaviour concerns. She’s a dry, sarcastic, loving, sensitive teenagery enigma (has always been a kid that people remarked was v teenage, even as a preschooler!)
But some things we see:
- very anxious which plays out as aggression and meltdowns about doing things;
- massive medical anxiety eg vaccines (spent an hour weeping under a chair at covid jab clinic), dentist phobia etc;
- self care is ropey eg hates brushing/washing hair.. improving on where it was when she was younger though;
- needs teeth pulling out because doesn’t brush, holds food in her mouth etc and wouldn’t let anyone look in her mouth for ages;
- very shy - wouldn’t talk to any adults other than parents or teacher for years;
- very sensory seeking eg licking, tapping, stroking etc;
- has always hated transitions (45min+ meltdowns as a toddler) and being told or asked to do something she didn’t want to do… eg now she might suddenly have a 30-60min total meltdown if asked to do instrument practice, though another day it might be ok;
- resistant to homework;
- blows hot and cold with her sister - extreme sibling rivalry, lots of love and thoughtfulness then will turn on her and freak out/meltdown if we pull her up on it.
Last year we did speak to school as she was refusing ever to do homework (lots of tears) and the senco observed and remarked she had quite low mood in class and was fidgety but paying attention. SENCO also said she needs help to articulate her feelings rather than "show" them. I’m planning to speak to them again soon but would appreciate any thoughts from people with similar kids about what might be going on.
At the time I first spoke to school I thought maybe ADHD as she is very bright and imaginative but also careless, bored, daydreamy, makes silly mistakes, can be forgetful, scruffy, etc. I thought ASD ruled out by her friendships but maybe this is my own misunderstanding. Plus, she has started having issues with some friends where they don’t want to be her friend anymore for a bit; she says she doesn’t know why but I think she may be verbally lashing out at them and then too ashamed to tell me. I've seen her do this outside school.
Sorry this is so long… does it suggest ADHD? ASD? A complex NT kid? Thanks for reading..