many thanks to everyone who responded to my last thread,
We have had a meeting with DS teacher and the school's ALNCo, and they have, thankfully, agreed that a referral is needed, though they have warned us the waiting list is long - about two years. They will also refer us to other help and support.
I'm reading about proprioceptive seeking behaviours as that seems to fit for DS and just bought 'The Explosive Child' as it was the kindle daily deal today and reading about it, it seemed like it might be helpful.
Is there anything else I should be reading about - specifically about meltdowns would be useful as he will hit, kick, bite and pinch me and himself and it seems impossible to get him out of it once it starts until he's worked through whatever emotions have triggered it. I read one website that said you shouldn't respond at all, no eye contact, not even flinching until some more positive behaviour is shown but that's impossible, and other websites say pretty much the opposite. Just feeling a bit lost at the moment.