Do you ever wish

[mummy2aaron]

that someone would take your violent and aggressive child away before he either kills a sibling, wrecks your marraage, or sends you into a padded cell?

No kids going Peachy, should be quiet.

shiny- he has loads of complex tics. He yelps a lot, and grimaces but he also goes kind of rigid and jerks backwards- that may not be a tic- seizures have been ruled out I think, or at least are thought unlikely.

Yes I feel the same fio. It's the constand manhandling, shoving him up the stairs, pulling him down from the work surfaces, draging him away from kettles and if we're out in a street constantly pulling him away from letterboxes and window and having him drag us off. If I say we have to go back to the car her starts shouting and screaming and I wnd having to shove him the first 50 yards (after which he'll walk calmly). All played out in front of crowds of course. I find it totally wearing tbh. And the thought of it never stopping just feels like an extra weight.

God I think I need counselling again (actually I am going to book some - we have to take a trip to Ireland in a few months and I am already in a state about it- 2 days in each direction- car then ferry- playing out autism in public, And we'll arrive covered in bruises).

We can't go anywhere anymore so we're not going to try. Last year all I could think about was how to get us a holiday and eventually we go help through a charity (because DS1 has CF) for a week at pontins. It was f-ing miserable from start to finish. DS2 ruined it completely. We had no sleep and got beaten black and blue. We're just not going to try anymore.

It's a shame for the other 2, but DD sometimes gets treat through young carers and DS1 won't be so affected as he's 15 and does his own thing. He also has another family as he is from my first marriage so he goes off and does the "normal family" experience with them. In fact he's going to Egypt in Aug which is great.

We just aren't planning anything but it's so depressing. Less and less people visit, noone but noone invites us round (except lovely Fio, but I won't take DS round there, his behaviour is too difficult) and we're aren't going anywhere.

DH's dd (21) is having twins in May. She lives up North. We haven't even seen her since she's been pg. We are desperate to go up and see her but I expect DH'll have to go alone as they took our over night respite away so no chance of getting a night away from DS2. DH obviously is reluctant to leave me with him alone now he's so bad though and I'm reluctant to BWE left. We have rashly promised dsd that we'll be up at the end of May holiday when she will have probably just had the twins, and that we'll all come but the concept makes me want to throw up; DS in a travel lodge room is a total nightmare and it's hard to afford two rooms anyway.

(On the subject of pg dsd, she has just text to say this morning's scan has revealed 2 healthy boys She is 20 weeks. So happy for her)

I've come to find you all again today, this thread has struck such a chord with me. In particular the fact of the years which stretch ahead. We have a referral to the educational pyschologist coming up mid Jan, as she's started hitting her teachers and classmates also.

o we don't do holidays anymore- this is to visit family and we can't get out of it - well not without some sort of fall out. I have said its the last time though.

yes that's it isn't it heagirl- it's the years ahead....

Yes, I think you always think this way, especially at new year. It hasn't helped that I'm on my own with the girls, and the one relationship (of sorts) that I've had since XH has just ended.
I don't hold out much hope for the ed pysch appt. I think I can predict their recommendations now:

1. anticipate when she's going to hit, and distract her
2. ignore when she does do it.
3. praise her when she doesn't

If they come up with owt different, I'll eat my hat!

do you think she's doing it for a reaction? Growing Minds were really helpful to me (we did a 6 month course with them last year) as they went further in analysing the behaviiours etc. So I was taking to the guy about ds1 pinching and he said 'do you grab his wrists to stop him?' I said yes and he said 'there you go then- he's getting a good old squeeze and probably loving it' (he does). they had so much hands on experience (unlike our poor old Ed and clinical psychs over here) that I didn't bring up anything they hadn't seen before iykwim. Wish I could afford to have them aboard all the time (can't - had to max out a credit card for 6 months).

Christmas/New Year and birthdays for me.....

ha ha- I know what you mean. I remember bumping into the mum of one of ds2's friends (she has 3 children too) after the summer and she said 'oh its been such a lovely long relaxing break hasn't it' and I was so incredulous that my jaw kind of hit the floor and I said 'er no' (usually I'd just smile and say yes - it just took me by surprise). She's 'met' ds1 (for which read we made the mistake of taking him to drop off ds2 at a party and he rampaged over her entire house before I could drag him out) so she said 'ah well I think you're a bit busier than me'.

DS1 is alone in the kitchen at the moment. I might regret that soon, but I can't get him out because the washing machine is on. Really he needs supervision in the kitchen at all times.

I so feel the same way about the uncertainty of the future.

DS1 who is 5 in Febuary, often has outbursts of aggression, normally around boundary setting, however sometimes with no recognisable trigger (he can be playing with a favour toy happily one minute and be banging it against his head as hard as possible the next).

Unfortunately as he can't communicate his needs/wants/fears etc, it is hard to put your finger on the problem (does he have a headache, is he hungry, etc).

His school is very worried about it and we were called to a meeting with his teacher (who is the most amazing man ever, but won't be there when DS1 returns, as he has a new job), his headmaster and his new teacher just before Xmas.

They are very concerned about his patterns of behaviour and aggression, he is a very big boy, with hands like shovels (he is in 7-8 clothes already). They struggle with his strength and presence already and kept emphasising how hard it will be in a few years time, if we don't get a handle on it now.

Although he is in a SLD school, they really want him to have 1-1 and have had the Ed Psych in to observe him a few times, unfortunately it seems that the reports that went into the LEA never even got past the 'thinning out' stage and therefore didn't even get in front of the panel, this all despite DS1's teacher (who has many years of experience) saying he had never come across a child like my DS1 and describing him as an 'engima'.

DH said that perhaps he should take DS1 to the LEA's Ivory Tower and leave him in the office of the head of childrens services for a few hours and then see what they had to say about his needs. The head looked a bit concerned at the thought of this prospect, but DS1's teacher couldn't stop grinning and said to DH as we left, her office is on the 2nd floor now and winked.

But still the thought of the future is such a scary one, school suggested that we bring some things out on display in our home (it is completely bare and DS1 proof in term of belongings at the moment), so we can work more on reinforcing boundaries. Which of course just brings more stress, but we are willing to try anything.

Sometimes I just wish I had a crystal ball, but then of course I fear that I would be too scared to see what lays ahead for us.

I know I am starting to sound tedious now.. but even going out with a helper is starting to become difficult-to-the-point-of-not-bothering.. even with a helper who KNOWS what it required, like DH or best friend. It's just a miserable experience for everyone. So what's the point of going out if it's supposed to be for "pleasure"? What am I doing wrong, or is the way forward?

It doesn't seem long ago (it isnt, little more than a year) when I used to take all three kids out alone and manage; it was hard work but not totally miserable and certainly not undoable. Now I can't manage more than a short walk with DS in the wheelchair alone, or if we're going in anywhere, even with a helper is very very difficult depending what mood he's in. Occasionally he suprises me and behaves himself to a degree, but I can't rely on that. It makes the short term future stress ahead endlessly and hoplessly. And can't think about the long term future at all

When they took away our over night respite, our lovely social worker (sue, as mentioned by Fio) insisting the panel meeting could not end until they'd bumped up our day care hours instead. Which they did. We are now entitled to 6 hours (in one chunk) a week but those have to be taken at the weekends (or holidays if we are lucky re avaialabilty of respite carers) for practical reasons (repsite carers are not nearby). And those days we are owed are just accrueing, the provision isn't there to give us what the panel awarded. It's all a bit hopeless.

And DH is still moody and silent today. And you should see how he looks! He has a gouge/deep scratch down the left side of his face, two big long sctraches across the top of his head (front to back, and he is as good as bald as he shaves of what little hair he has) and bruises and scratched upper arms.

I just have blue and purple bruises on upper arms.

This is all from yesterday.

ha ha grace- the same teacher described ds1 as 'the enigma that is ds1' He WILL be sorely missed...... I think he loves all our crazy children. I do hope they can get extra help sorted. They can sometimes shuffle people around anyway. I know that ds1's class last year was very highly staffed because the entire class was autistic and they do seem able to give ds1 2:1 when out and about this year. We need to arrange a meet up - I have a couple of friends who have taken on the LEA for various reasons and it would probably be helpful to you to meet them. Who is your statementing officer btw (initials) - we found meeting them in person really helpful (without ds1- but in your case I would maybe recommend taking a video of some of the situations they're struggling with at school if at all possible).

Shiny- this may not be the answer you want but we very rarely go out as a family now because it's just too hard. We tried going for a walk yesterday ended up split up within minutes and agreed again that if we're going out as a family we need walkie talkies (ffs). I think its actually easier to arrange separate things that meet the different needs and then for everyone to be able to get something at some stage iyswim rather than trying to juggle everyone at once.

DS1 is apple mad - but the ones that came in the box this morning were green- so they've just caused an enormous racket in the tumble dryer (PMSL).

Yurt if you're doing the pembroke - Rosslare route make a note of oura ddy as we're halfay on your route which might help (and about as ASD friendly as you'll get LOL)

Holidays are an issue here as well- our last one was aborted, we thought we'd cracked the camping thing but Sam kicked off and had a massive meltdown whilst we were pitching the tent and I cancelled and we came home. Dh still really keen for this year, I however would happily abort any more unless my aprents with us (they were for one which was great, but they're celebrating both Mum's 6oth and their 40th anniversary this year so planning a big trip instead).

We may be doing Whitsun as a huge family group which emans babysitters on tap for tent pitching (although baby will be tiny so more likely blokes pitch women keep kids amused), but am very worried about main break this year. We keeps aying we can feel our world closing in, esp. with ds3, and I think its a bit make or break this year.

'starting to become difficult-to-the-point-of-not-bothering.. '

I don't bother trying any mroe either. Took ds1 and ds2 out today (ds3 at CM) but in the time it took to drop harry at CM's (less than 5 minutes) Sam slashed Stirling with the seat belt from the middle seat, and I ahd a brief dizzy in Asda and off Sam bolted pulling aldies undies racks down everywhere- I only wanted to get the alst few bits for baby ready but wasn't worth it. even with DH there its a PITA, internet shopping and school time hours all round from now on.

of course, at elast with DH's shifts we have that option which is a boon. Not many do.

ds2 has never been aggresive as such, but recently he has been violent I think partly because its still toddler behaviour but in a big 5 yr old body but also because he has progressed in SOME ways & has discovered CHOICE so he is less compliant.
At the moment he can't tolerate anything on his feet so after a battle to get his splints & Shoes on he's stripping them off as soon as we are out the door & of course throwing them & then screaming for me to pick them up because of course he would worry that we'd left his shoes somewhere & that just isn't normal is it.
In his confused world its us that he lashes out at BUT it is so scary what will it all be like in 2, 5 or 10yrs time??

As for holidays, well we are going to try this year & sod the stares.
We are going to book a couple of weeks in the sun in the holiday.
I'm sure the first couple of days will be hard but I guarantee by the 3rd we'll have no trouble getting a table for dinner & plenty of space to ourselves on the beach.
We've decided its hard work hear so it may as well be hard work in the sun (& my sis & bil are coming to give us a break)

here not hear