Do you ever wish

[mummy2aaron]

that someone would take your violent and aggressive child away before he either kills a sibling, wrecks your marraage, or sends you into a padded cell?

Nah not ahrder for me, PG coz I want to be, my choice, my consequences.

make those calls tomorrow yes, hope you get the help you need X

Hi I know exactly how you are feeling, my ds 11 kicked off big style at my mums on Sunday, throwing cutlery and food everywhere made my niece cry and frightened my poor Mum. I have a very good social worker some of them can be absolutely useless, i have had one of them too a long time ago, i got into trouble too for biting my son back(not very hard) when he bit me i was trying to show him how much it hurt me and several friends had said that they had done that, i got into serious trouble with social workers and was threatened with the child protection team so wouldnt recommend that......

i meant you will be feeling tireder than normal peachy.

omg lottie, really, it's so hard to teach them the consequences of their actions.

(about TTR I will ash the mods to send the invites. it might be my email playing up )

i just got on it 2shoes xx

2shoes I have emailed you

I find the physical side hard. DS1 isn't aggressive very often but he is physical every day. So he needs to be shoved upstairs, he sits on laps and pushes his chin into people's faces, he pinches because he thinks its funny- starting at 2am and carrying on all day. He now bites my face a lot as well- again because he thinks its funny. I ache all over, by back has gone and I'm covered in bruises. He's 8. A few days ago I sobbed to dh that I can't do this for another 10-15 years. I don't know what the answer is.

Yep. But then no, when he's being lovely. Then yes, when he attacks me again. It's shite. No nice words can dress it up, really. Just pure, unrelenting shite.

this is a very sad thread and my heart goes out to each and every one of you who are experiencing the day to day battles with our kids. My own boy is very strong and has almost broken my nose twice. He laughed.

I wanted to take every toy he had and stomp on them in front of him, to make him "see", but i knew it wouldnt do any good he would probably laugh at that too.

we clinched the hitting problem and the kicking problem by me leaving the house for hours after an incident. He cries his eyes out when i walk out the door. My hubby told him immediately after the last incident, "you hurt mummy, mummy sad". I would go away to do some shopping and would nurse my injuries for an hour or two. When i came home, i gave him the silent treatment. At first he didnt get it. But then i ramped it up. As soon as he would come near me, i said to him "you hit mummy, mummy sad" and i would put on a big sad face and pointed to my "boo boo". (he is only 4)

well it still didnt work, until i gave him the silent treatment all day. Luckily these things happened on the weekend when hubby was home to take care of him, while i simply left the house. same thing when he hit his father, he left with a big sad face. We used a doll he used to like, by putting a bandaid on it and pointing to the "boo boo" on the doll, as per where he hit us. We had the doll say, "you hit me, I am sad, leave me alone and say you are sorry".

after a few weeks, he actually got it. We were mean. We ate treats in front of him after he hit us, and told him, "no treats, you hit mummy" and we ignored his screaming that followed, we just left him in the living room to scream it out. Of course there were no tears, just simply bad temper.

He still doesnt say sorry, but he hit me last week and i pulled my sad face and got up to leave the room and he came over and gave me a big hug as if to say sorry.

i know this wont apply to everybody/anybody, but it sunk in to our boy that hitting has consequences.

I can see my life going along this path. DD3 is 7, has Downs, ASD and severe learning difficulties. Like you say Yurt, she's not really aggressive but VERY physical. She's smiles and laughs as she pulls your hair and hits. She needs manhandling to do anything, and constant watching because of her running and climbing. Its getting harder the bigger she becomes. And I suspect compared to your boys that the rest of you are posting about, she's not that big at all. But God my back aches today. And spending new year at my sisters, and constantly policing her behaviour and clearing up the mess she had made has just worn me out.
Thank god for this board to rant to !!!

Is this a good moment to add my link to demand (ask for?) manual handling training for parents? Just in case anyone hasn't already signed it. And please pass it on to others.

God my back hurts too.. it's been a day of battles; roll on Friday when he's back at school. DH, this evening, has withdrawn into a silence as he has suffered more than the rest of us today. That's out he reacts; just blocks everyone out which is lovely for me, who likes to talk things out. (Mars and Venus again... sigh). I can actually see the physical marks on him from here as I type. I despair of another year of this; I can't bear to think about another 10-15, it's just too much.

My ds is still awake he has been up and down the stairs like a "brides nightie" he has pulled another tooth out too(baby one) hes still moving up and down the landing but im staying down here a) because it hurts my joints to go up and down the stairs and b) because if i go upstairs it will wind him up again.
What annoys me is that DLA is from when i go to bed at night................ so it doesnt matter how many times i go up and down stairs when he is playing up when i fill in my forms next time all of this wont count!

DS pulls out his own teeth too Lottie They only have to be slightly wobbly and next thing you know, it looks like a chainsaw massacre has taken place in bedroom!

ah- MMDDWW- you have hit on our problem. We have no sanctions. There is nothing that ds1 doesn't find funny, or reassurring because its a routine. He loves being shouted at (reinforcing), he loves being put in his room (reinforcing because it is a routine), I have even tried in desperation biting/pinching back (partly because so may people told me to).. He loves it. It actually reinfoces him. When I push him off me I have to grab his wrists to do so- he loves that- big squeezy wrist grabs- his favourite. . We now have a weird situation where the biggest sanction we have is to tell him we'll put a duvet on his bed (!) but it doesn't really work.

theheadgirl- it does sound similar. Everything he does he does becuase??? he thinks its interaction, which perhaps we could deal with- but I also think its sensory seeking so hard..... He got a weighted blanket for xmas- I hope it might help eventually.

Yurt and Mamadadawahwah, my DS is the same.. everything is amusing/exciting/stimulating/reassuring.. nothing works. No doubt this means he has an ASD as well as everything else, diagnosed and undiagnosed.. You think? Don't worry.. I'm just mildly interested.. not panicking or anything. Last thing they added to his "list" was ADHD and DH and I sat there in paed's office and laughed and laughed. She looked most alarmed and wrote down that we needed more respite!

I tend to think that a lot of children with some sort of LD's have an element of autism - it sort of depends whether you want to dx or not. DS1 has tourettes as well (in terms of fitting the criteria for dx) but there's no point dxing separately as it comes under his autism iyswim.

Well I'm starting to think I've got Tourettes .. it kicks in soon as the kids are in bed

I thought DS was non verbal Yurt? Clearly I am woefully uninformed about Tourettes.. how does it affect him?

Re another diagnosis, that why we laughed really.. it's almost irrelevant, although I do remain interested in the latest batch of genetics tests they're currently doing (no longer obsessed, just interested) as it might tell us what his main diagnosis is, if there is one.. and maybe why. And because new discoveries re genetics are being made all the time.

His respite carer has mentioned autism to me but I'm not chasing a diagnosis. Was just wondering.

I know exactly what you all mean. Yesterday we attempted to take ds on a bus (yes mad I know) and he sat in his buggy alternating between trying to push it over backwards (with me hanging on for dear life) and kicking the other passengers. The more I told him off the more he kicked and the more he laughed. It seemed like a very long journey! I actually said to dh that if I gave ds a good smack we would probably get reported and someone would take him away for a bit . Of course I didn't mean it but I'm so fed up with not being able to do the simplest thing as a family.
My sister says I'm not strict enough with him, ha bloody ha.

I remember wanting sodding wonderful perfect Supernanny to come and have a go at my household and see if she was hard enough to take it! Sadly I don't think the 'I told you so' element quite makes up for knowing that almost ANYTHING I try is futile, because most of the rage in J comes from frustration that that clever little brain and mind can't cope with real life - any type of change - not being in control of EVERYTHING etc. etc.

So Supernanny would have an impossible job, but that doesn't make me happy.

I remember wanting sodding wonderful perfect Supernanny to come and have a go at my household and see if she was hard enough to take it! Sadly I don't think the 'I told you so' element quite makes up for knowing that almost ANYTHING I try is futile, because most of the rage in J comes from frustration that that clever little brain and mind can't cope with real life - any type of change - not being in control of EVERYTHING etc. etc.

So Supernanny would have an impossible job, but that doesn't make me happy.

This is lovely thanks, so good to know I am not the only one who feels like this, dh would have him taken into care tomorrow but I couldn't. Luckily we have a new GP who althouggh he admits he knows very litle about asd and adhd will help by refferals etc and emergency appts if we need any help. Will get the ball rolling today thanks for the advice.

Its really ahrd to work sanctins with ds's- for ds3 its much the reasons given here, he thinks they're funny or just doesn't understand (CM does time out but he just laughs, its more for benefit of other kids she has). DS1 is different though- arrogant little Sod 9and I use the owrd advisedly) thinks he's way superior to us all and if we operate sanctions, criticise, punish then we're in the wrong and we get punished for that too, or rather ds2 gets it in spades. He doesn't understand be naughty- sanction; he thinks in terms of I do what I want- they're horrid- I punish ds2.

Once school's all back, DH and I are going to GP to demand either re-referral tto APeds (as they said we could have), or an alternative. The potions / poisoning is just way too much, and he is quite open about intentions of killing ds2. There's a spych with SN specialty but something like a 2 year waiting list.

wotcha all. Griend of mine hasa 6 yo with hemi CP and severe LD's (understanding level is about 3 months of age) and she's finally got a refferal to a LD behaviour team in Bristol. He bites, pinches, kicks etc etc and has no understanding of consequences.
Can't tell you if its worked but she is still waiting but might be worth asking if such a thing exists in your own areas. Its used in the US for severe LD and seems to work well.
M3a, I hope you get on ok with the SW but you really really have to demand respite help. Ask them about residential schemes (they are so pricey that just mentioning them often scares up respite care and direct payments (its a different budget)
As for medication, You haven't said what his problems are so I'm guessing adhd/autism. It might be worth trying ritalin and suchlike. It can help in some cases, in just calming down.
Peachy, will answer you on TTR about what I used to do with ds1. He has HFA?aspergers (depending on what doc I listen too) and he was extremely arrogant over punishment etc. I real nightmare from about 4 to 10.
Off to a funeral, back later

NMC thanks

Hope the funeral is peaceful X