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Primary school auties : spring 2021 and beyond - thread 6

999 replies

danni0509 · 15/02/2021 20:57

Hi. New thread.

This is the continuation of the thread for parents / carers of autistic children / children with additional needs. Most of us are parents of children in year 1 / year 2.

Links to old threads

Thread 1 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Thread 5 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1

Everyone welcome x

OP posts:
danni0509 · 07/03/2021 18:56

Sorry to hear about the email from the class teacher open, nothing like a good kick in the teeth Flowers makes you feel like shit doesn’t it when they spell it out. Ds first annual review so end of reception the senco (it was a different Senco back then) said ds was doing well academically and he was 40-60 months in almost all areas and although still behind she thought given his diagnosis he was doing well. She was a Senco who didn’t really like to offend I found.

Then the second annual review end of year 1 with the new senco (who has worked at the school years and is also the assistant head and more straight talking) said she recommends ds moves to SS, he’s a lost part in a MS and he’s making almost no progress etc very different reviews. It was from that point onwards the school hounded me to move him.

Ds is all over the shop with his development, he’s at year 1 level for his reading so about a year behind, he’s on light blue band which is level 4 but reading is his one strength he co operates every single day with that and really does show an interest, and is improving all the time.

His writing he’s about reception level, he can write letters he just doesn’t / can’t write sentences. If we tell him exactly what to write the words don’t have finger spaces it’s all one looonnnng word, he uses random capital letters and the letters are really big etc.

His maths is non existent he thinks 1 add 1 is 50 and when he counts it’s still thirty eight, thirty nine, thirty ten, thirty eleven, bless him.

Socially he’s still like a toddler.

@LightTripper I still haven’t heard from the new school, they haven’t even rung to tell me he has a place 😂 the local authority did that about a month ago, so I very much doubt for after Easter now. X

OP posts:
danni0509 · 07/03/2021 18:59

Good luck to everyone for school.

Ds is ok going to school fortunately, he’s 8.45-2.30 now, was 9.15-3 they changed his time again.

I think his specialist teacher has left altogether! Find out what’s going on tomorrow.

OP posts:
danni0509 · 07/03/2021 19:02

His reading being level 4 should be higher in my opinion. I would say level 6 orange.

I don’t argue with his teacher I just remind her he needs something higher and then read other stuff at home with him myself.

He read the tiger who came to tea with me the other night the only word he didn’t know was grocer.

OP posts:
openupmyeagereyes · 07/03/2021 20:06

Thanks for the support everyone. Teacher has come back to say she hopes she didn’t sound negative and that he’s doing really well blah, blah. I know I am touchy about ds, it’s only natural I think, but IMO her email was badly worded.

It doesn’t change the fact that we need to keep an eye on whether ms remains appropriate for him and to investigate what other options there may be which we haven’t until now. I’m aware of the two closest SS and there’s a school for autistic children that doesn’t have good reviews. I know nothing about any primaries with units or similar.

danni your ds is doing so well with his reading and you’ve worked so hard with him.

openupmyeagereyes · 07/03/2021 20:50

How are those doing 16:8 fasting getting on? I’ve been back on it for 5 weeks after a break of a month when I had covid. I lost the weight I had previously regained but now seem to have hit a plateau. I think I need to cut down what I’m eating in my window. This week was the most exercise I’ve done since pre-covid though, I walked every day M-F. Hopefully this will make a difference too.

dimples76 · 07/03/2021 21:13

Not doing well Open. Similarly to you sticking to the window but eating way too much. After seeing a pic DS took of me last night I am taking myself in hand.

openupmyeagereyes · 07/03/2021 21:50

Good luck dimples, it’s not easy. Bread is my downfall I think. I struggle with lunch in general and breaking away from the sandwich rut. I’m going to aim for salad or a salad wrap instead. I’m trying to come up with a list of about 7 easy but healthy lunches I can rotate but not feeling much inspiration.

danni0509 · 08/03/2021 06:34

I was 11st 3lb in April. Yesterday I was 15st 1lb. Heaviest I’ve ever been in my life 😩 I’m just over 5ft and in constant pain with my legs.

I had surgery on varicose veins when I was 25 and now they are all coming back through.

I started 12-6 diet again yesterday and went for a 2 hour walk with ds, that’s the problem I don’t do any exercise now I have a car and all I do is eat (I’m a seriously bad binge eater)

Well done open x

OP posts:
openupmyeagereyes · 08/03/2021 11:08

danni varicose veins sound painful. Hopefully once ds starts at his new school the mental burden will be lifted and things will be a little easier for you. You lost weight before, you can do it again.

dimples76 · 08/03/2021 13:18

Oh Danni it's tough isn't it. I lost a couple of stone last Summer/Autumn but then put half a stone back on. I need to lose 5 stones. It feels like I will never get there.

DS expressed excitement about the rest of the class being back but was quite overwhelmed by being in a crowd again. He went in okay but wasn't really talking to anyone.

openupmyeagereyes · 08/03/2021 16:08

dimples hopefully ds coped ok.

My ds was worried about the other children going back but when I asked him at pick up if it had been ok he said yes. I used the opportunity to talk to (well, at) him about the fact that we often worry about things that turn out to be ok. Hopefully it went in somewhere for later use. He actually spent all morning in the classroom which is great, he started 30 minutes earlier today too.

Light I hope dd did ok today if she started back. I'm glad she enjoyed her world book day costume, even if she didn't feel comfortable sharing on Zoom. Our school didn't do anything which I thought was a shame, you would think they'd find some way to make it work.

I hope everyone else had a good day too.

dimples76 · 08/03/2021 17:28

DS came out of school asking if Xander can come and play at our house now. When I said no because of the covid restrictions he burst into tears and said he wants covid to be over - don't we all. The other issue is that from what I have observed I don't think that this Xander boy likes DS. He only joined the school in the Autumn - I don't know his family but I'm going to see if I can catch his Mum to see if they'll do a park meet up during the Easter hols. Please let them say yes

openupmyeagereyes · 08/03/2021 18:43

Fingers crossed dimples. Sounds like he had a good day though.

dimples76 · 08/03/2021 22:37

I think so but his summary of the day was that 'I did the wrong thing' no further elaboration. He says this quite often recently and I feel that whatever behaviour management system the school is using at the mo is not helping him feel good about himself. I think that it is time to be that parent again!

openupmyeagereyes · 09/03/2021 12:08

I agree dimples, he doesn’t need the internal narrative that he always does the wrong thing. Good luck.

danni0509 · 09/03/2021 12:31

Had to pick ds up at half 11.

Crisis point again, ds outside, no clothes on 4 members of staff chasing him around to get him dressed and back inside. He was spitting and hitting all the staff.

They phoned me told me to pick him up ASAP so I go and get him and get him dressed in 2 minutes. They told me he had pooh everywhere, but when I got him he had zero on him whatsoever! I took spare pyjamas and got them straight on him but 4 members of staff didn’t know what to do with him apparently, it’s not as though ds just does as his told for me either!

His teacher says maybe he has a water infection and to phone the drs (wtf!) i said why??? She said because he keeps weeing on the floor.

Yes, because he’s wired! completely overwhelmed so he’s defaulted to his crazy crazy mood where he will wee and Pooh on anything and everything, smash anything up etc etc etc

I’ve taken him home and he’s much calmer now.

Really not sure what to even do anymore with school.

OP posts:
danni0509 · 09/03/2021 12:34

Poor kid. He’s being passed from pillow to post, it even confuses me who’s having him on what day so no wonder he’s stressed, even though he’s not back in the classroom and never was during lockdown, it’s still different this week for him, new staff are back more children around / more noise etc.

Specialist teacher has gone, ds has terrorised her out after a month.

No idea what to do.

OP posts:
danni0509 · 09/03/2021 15:55

Of course I meant pillar to post earlier on Grin

Ds has been ok for the rest of the day. His teacher didn’t phone me this afternoon like I thought she would which is unusual as she always does.

She looked really fed up of ds earlier.

OP posts:
livpotter · 09/03/2021 16:20

What a nightmare danni. Could the LA put in some kind of alternate provision for you? I mean surely it would cost about the same for them to give additional support at home? Or a PRU, which usually has smaller class groups and more support. It might be worth seeing if they could put something else in place while you are waiting for the ss. It must be very stressful for ds. Glad he's ok now.

Good luck speaking to the other mum Dimples. It's lovely that ds is talking about someone.

Hope today went well again open.

Day two seems to have gone pretty well here (the transformers bribery continues).
Ds has a new 'thing' which is screaming very high pitched and loud for as long as he can when he doesn't get his way...trying to ignore that one and hope it passes soon!

dimples76 · 09/03/2021 16:34

Oh Liv we have a lot of screaming here. It is v wearing.

We had a triumph today. I took the children to the dentists. DS has never had his teeth checked properly as he normally screams the place down and refuses to open his mouth. Well today out of the blue he was a model patient, smiling and chatting with the dentist, complied with everything, even had the fluoride painted on. I am not sure who was more shocked the dentist or me. Also to my surprise (as toothbrush brushing is a battle ground and he has an ice lolly addiction) his teeth are fine.

Danni how frustrating for you. I take it that there's no news on when he can start at the new school?

danni0509 · 09/03/2021 19:48

Fab news on the school bus liv. Ds screams his lungs off too. Very wearing to listen to and I often feel tempted in getting the masking tape out. Too much noise really bothers me.

Dimples, great news on the dentist. Ds has checkups stood by the door she just bends down has a 10 second look and says all looks ok, like your ds, he is addicted to ice lollies and eats chocolate every single day (more than once a day usually!) but I do brush them thoroughly morning and night and just hope that’s enough, I often try make the effort to stop the chocolate but he’s like a crack addict with it!

I emailed ds teacher earlier to say ds had a settled afternoon at home and I thought that the others coming back yesterday had unsettled him as he’s gone 3 months clean and dry then yesterday he wet himself at school and today that performance. It’s so frustrating because I haven’t changed his pants since Xmas time! She agreed that she thinks the noise is triggering him. I asked her what was happening with specialist teacher / agency and she has said she definitely isn’t returning and they are not using the agency for another specialist now.

He’s having miss xxxx mornings and miss xxxxx afternoons.

So I hope they are refunding the Local authority then. As they aren’t specialists. His usual ehcp funding is to pay for that....

OP posts:
danni0509 · 09/03/2021 19:48

No news on special school start date yet, it’s for September. But they were trying to get him started before, they just haven’t yet been in touch.

OP posts:
danni0509 · 09/03/2021 19:50

But today with miss xxxx and miss xxxx they haven’t managed and he’s been sent home at half past eleven.

So back on the merry go round we go 😂

honestly I’m sick to death!

OP posts:
danni0509 · 09/03/2021 19:53

The pupil referral unit here Liv, is this base which they wouldn’t take him into as he’s on band 9 on his ehcp they don’t take children past band 6 as there needs are too high. His ehcp co ordinator phoned to check for us in November when we had the no school dilemma x

OP posts:
openupmyeagereyes · 10/03/2021 08:37

Sorry danni, I don't have any advice. The school have said they can't meet his needs and they clearly can't. They are unwilling (or unable due to staff issues) to put in a consistent routine for your ds. This, presumably, is what would have the most positive impact. The LA has paid them a lot of money. If the useless specialist teacher is not returning then they need to get someone else in ASAP, especially if ds is going to be there until July.

Lots of sympathy, it must be so stressful for you.