Primary school auties : spring 2021 and beyond - thread 6

[danni0509]

Hi. New thread.

This is the continuation of the thread for parents / carers of autistic children / children with additional needs. Most of us are parents of children in year 1 / year 2.

Links to old threads

Thread 1 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Thread 5 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1

Everyone welcome x

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend x

You too, @danni0509 and everyone else! We are very excited about the grand prix coming from Silverstone this weekend! Going to get a bit of forest time in tomorrow too, I hope. And start packing as hopefully we'll be on holiday from Thursday. Need to also finish the huge social story book I've done about it for DS and wrap the teacher leaving gifts. Weird to think that after next week, he'll be done with that school, which is obviously great as he has the new place but strange as it's where I'd imagined him until he was 11 and where he's been since he was 4.

DS is on holiday now. This morning I woke up determined to take a more positive attitude to the hols - I seem to be viewing it as an endurance test. Despite work I am determined we're going to have some fun. 6 hours into the day and the positivity is being challenged. At DS's request I got the bouncy castle out, after 10 mins getting things ready DS lasted 5 mins. He then went inside and whilst DD was bouncing on it turned the power off so it deflated - he has been told not to do this countless times. So I ended up threatening to get rid of the bouncy castle if he continues to ignore the safety rules. So then both children were crying.

DS's 1:1 has just tested positive but DS hasn't seen her for a while as she has been self isolating so fortunately he doesn't have to.

Happy holidays/end of term everyone!

Dimples, who knew a bouncy castle could cause so much angst!!!! I’m with you on despite working trying to be positive but it can dissipate pretty quick. How many days do you do? Do you think about giving up (that’s a qu to all mums who work)?. Must say some days I really think I don’t need the stress!! Re garden entertainment I always think the bouncy castle looks the easy option but it always creates chaos here! Generally DD and DS lean on the same side and the whole thing comes down 🤣🤣. Appreciate we may have a rubbish one!!!!!!!

Magrat, exciting times! I’m watching your story. Have a fabulous holiday.

Hello too danni. Hope you both are ok.

Bit crap here and don’t know what to do. Had an awful meeting with DS’s head yesterday. Don’t really want to go into the details but it was terrible. It’s re enforced my view that we are done. I don’t want DS there any more and the head doesn’t want him and does not have one positive thing to say about him, not even one. He’s learning nothing, gaining nothing, not benefitting one iota from being there according to the head.

We are only at the start of the process of looking elsewhere but I just can’t send him back. Not on Monday, not in September. I assume it’s all too late now to secure somewhere new for him in sep?? What will happen if I just tell them the whole relationship has broken down and I don’t want him there (and don’t sent him again?). I assume someone will come knocking at my door….???

Send

carrie does ds have an EHCP? I’ve looked back but can’t see any mention of it. What sort of school do you have in mind? To access any specialist provision you need an EHCP.

Once you know, the first step would be to call for an emergency review of the EHCP (if you have one). Ideally you’d call one straight away if needs have changed and school are saying they can’t cope, but as you’d need to name a school on the EHCP, it might be best to wait until you know.

Tough with the summer break coming up. It must all be very stressful

head doesn’t want him and does not have one positive thing to say about him, not even one

And this is dreadful. A teacher who can’t find one positive thing to say about a child is probably in the wrong profession.

Oh @carriebradshawwithlessshoes that sounds awful and what a horrible unprofessional head who can't see beyond the behaviours to the child. All too common, I think.

Yes he does have an EHCP… we are reviewing it at the moment that was actually the purpose of the meeting. We have in mind a speech unit as option 1, a small unit affiliated to a Ms as option 2 at the moment. Possibly an option 3. But we have not looked round option 3 yet. 1 and 2 seem to say they need to assess DS in his current setting as part of the application process etc then it goes to panel. All time… and they break up next week so what do I do??? And of course any of these options may say no.

Can I name them all in the EHCP in order of our preference? Should I? Can anything happen before sep?

Still can’t process some of the things he said and implied about DS. DH was there and couldn’t believe it and he normally says i overreact. I just feel there’s no one on our side who can help us…

They even said to forget any positive things they had said about DS throughout the year as they were only saying that as it was what we wanted to hear and they would admit that now. They know DS has had genetic and other tests (ran during the time of his epilepsy diagnosis), head suggested he cannot believe they were all clear given DS presentation. Said we seriously needed to get a paediatrician to find out what’s wrong with DS. Also just told story after story with a smirk on his face about Ds running around/ off when the other kids were all sitting listening nicely. I’ve said on other thread that DS is very bright with me… I’ve shown them what he can do with me in school but they said this wasn’t generalised in their setting so held no merit and they wouldn’t acknowledge it.

I just can’t send him back can I?

OK so first, big hugs @carriebradshawwithlessshoes. I have had to reread your message a few times as I am actually speechless. Was anyone else in the meeting? Any other professionals or anyone from the LA? Anyone else who heard what he said? Because saying what he said should not be allowed. Saying there is something wrong with him?? Shocking. Complain. Take it to the governors afterwards But first you need to get your DS out of there. Contact your caseworker at the LA. Email. Phone tomorrow and keep going and don't be fobbed off. I don't know about spaces in other schools but you need to explain to your caseworker what has happened and that you don't feel he is supported in current placement as they can't meet his needs. If LA agree, they can see if there's spaces elsewhere etc. If they don't agree then you have to prove it with all your reports etc. How final is the ehcp? You can appeal the school named in section I within a set time frame. I think asking for an emergency review also triggers a parental right to appeal the setting named on the ehcp. It will probably then go to tribunal and they can decide (we have just done this). It's not enough for a special school to claim they are full. Look on ipsea and sendiass websites. I would get your DS out of that setting and complain about that head. The smirking gets to me too, they're all on power trips. But he went far too far in what he said. Asc and or adhd will often mean that a child runs, tips, struggles to regulate etc. In the short term, could you send him in do he doesn't miss any end of term stuff? Or perhaps not! Big hugs honestly, contact your LA person ASAP.

My DS' new school did not assess him in his current setting.

Thanks Magrat. Yes there was someone from the LA there, he was stepping in for DSs caseworker. I could tell he was shocked too and sent us a nice email after but it was late Friday so I’ve not had a chance to speak to him. He did say that he had to be impartial tho so I’m not sure to what extent he would support us over the school. I will contact him tomorrow first thing. And sendiass and try and get to the bottom of it.

Re next week I know it sounds nothing in context but I’m working snd have no childcare. The kids in ds class are doing a little performance on Thursday and so I have to keep him off then as parents are invited and the heads description of DS just running off last week when all the other kids were engaged made me feel so upset I don’t want to put DS through that and be laughed at like the head was clearly laughing at him thinking he’s a total basket case (he’s not he’s lovely… I’m crying as I’m typing this it makes me so sad). Thank you all xx

We are aiming to finalise the EHCP this week.

What does worry me massively if these places don’t see him in school is if he gets placed with them and they then say he’s not right for them either. Our option 1 is an amazing unit for children with a primary need in speech and Lang and communication. That encompasses things like poor attention, focus etc. But if DS got there and they thought he was not appropriately matched because of his sensory needs and according to school shocking delays across the board would they then be trying to get him out for a second time?

That's awful that they won't include him. The Caseworker should be neutral but seeing how you were treated should help to show the school are not meeting needs or even trying to.

carrie I would complain to the board of governors, that is shocking behaviour and I’m glad you had someone from the LA there to witness. It is completely unprofessional. I can imagine you are devastated.

I would ask for the two schools to be named as this is how consultation starts and they will be sent a copy of his ehcp. Hopefully this will give them an idea if they can meet needs. Try and speak to your caseworker.

Do the other schools have smaller class sizes? Do you think your ds’ behaviour is driven by sensory overload?

Well Carrie this is where we are at now. He’s started at a special school and 2 months in I think they are massively regretting taking him (same as I am sending him) Ds ehcp is very factual stating he needs 1-1 support at all times more often than not 2-1 and that he has challenging behaviour, no understanding of danger etc his new school read it and said we can meet his needs then he started and they could not believe how bad he was / is and then it begun with them having him part time, isolating him from the classroom and having 2 adults with him all over again that was more or less from the first day he did.

They ideally needed to go to his old school observe for a bit, speak with the old school, read a much more informative ehcp before making any desicions.

The ehcp should go into more detail, it’s ok saying he needs full time 1-1 supervision, but state why, write a bit about why. Some examples of ds shocking behaviour for a start, he’s chewing through electrical cables at the minute and he’s driving his special school mad with it, they’ve had to move him rooms, remove all electrical wires, but some things cannot he moved like the inbuilt computers etc, they’ve had an outside contractor in to make it safe he’s still getting to the wires, examples like that should be wrote down to back why he needs full time supervision and what sort of behaviours he presents with then these schools might just say outright no, I’d rather that than him keep starting at schools and then being kicked out but the La won’t do that because it scares prospective schools off. I know that’s true aswell it’s not me saying that, sendiass said that’s what they do it for write the needs down but water it down. Ds senco wrote loads of stuff for his last annual review and whoever writes it up put bits in but missed lots out.

I’ve had such a bad day today, honestly ds has been horrible.

He’s not fucking sleeping, refusing to use the toilet and only going in a nappy and he’s hitting me all day long.

Could run away and never come back atm.

Yes danni a good point. It does depend how detailed the EHCP is. I’m sorry you’re having a tough weekend.

Ds was awake from 1-2:40 last night, thankfully did go back to sleep. He was up at 5:30 though. He’s still messing around at bedtime and going to sleep between 8-9 most nights. He didn’t go to school at all last week.

dimples I hope your weekend is improved. Do you have the detailed report from the psych yet?

Thanks all, danni so sorry you are having a tough time too. We have PMd and your DS has so much potential.. we have just got to get them in the right place.

Don’t mention sleep… last night bed at 10.30 which was 2 hours earlier than previous nights but then up at 1.20 and that was it…

Danni if you are running please pick me up on the way….

Open it’s too much sometimes isn’t it, when it’s regular aswell. Last night, ds fucked around until 10.15pm which was infuriating because I had something I wanted to watch but couldn’t because of being up and down the stairs like slinky on acid.

Then when he finally did give in it was too late for me to stay up, so I went to bed and then he was up bouncing around at 4am so he’s had less than 6 hours sleep and his mood is terrible today and that’s just normal now 😒

Ouch, that’s tough

Tough for both of you.

Yes, when it’s regular it’s very difficult. Ds went to sleep at 8:15 last night, the night before it was 9:15. Dh and I usually head up at 9:30 because he’s up so early