Primary school auties : spring 2021 and beyond - thread 6

[danni0509]

Hi. New thread.

This is the continuation of the thread for parents / carers of autistic children / children with additional needs. Most of us are parents of children in year 1 / year 2.

Links to old threads

Thread 1 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Thread 5 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1

Everyone welcome x

Ds head teacher just phoned me, a teacher has tested positive in his class so ds has to isolate for another 10 days, I honestly give up.

I’m not even isolating! They can send the police, I literally don’t give a shit anymore.

It’s bad enough that he can’t go to school again but he definitely is not staying in this house for another 10 days.

I would rather poke my own eyes out with a rusty spoon than do another 10 day stint in this house with him.

He didn’t catch covid off his dad so I hardly imagine he did off his teacher, especially when he only goes to school for 15 minutes a day

This shit needs to stop now, it’s so disruptive.

danni you don’t have to isolate unless ds gets symptoms, at which point you might try and test him. Ds is supposed to isolate though you may be able to use special exemption given ASD is considered a disability.

What awful bad luck, I’m so sorry

Good luck with the AR Open. What rotten luck Danni.

Received last week's OT report today. It's rather depressing again but at least this time the funding for therapy has already been approved by the Adoption Support Fund. And yes Open it feels great to be with people who really get it and it's not like there are any quick fixes. It's just a bit trickier as it's a 1.5 hour round trip. From September my contact is 3 days a week but worked over 4 days. I have reduced my hours for one year as I can't really afford to live on my reduced salary but I am struggling to meet all our needs.

At DS's school there are now 3 years isolating. It seems inevitable that DS's bubble will pop too. His new TA for year 3 is in one of the years affected so the plans for him to get to know her more this week are up in smoke.

Yeah two more years of dd's school went down last week. Dd goes back on Tuesday. It's so unbelievably disruptive to all the kids. I feel there must be a better way!

Ds school sent an email to say he can’t go back until the 12th (so next Monday) they said work has already been sent to parents email address’ and work has been tailored to each child’s ability and to contact class teacher if you require any help, well that was at 8.30 this morning, no work has been sent for ds, apart from a zoom meeting invitation for a 15 minute art session Wednesday lunch time & a 15 minute yoga session Friday morning.

Seriously? So that’s ds work? Are they telling me after already missing 10 days education recently the best they can do is 2 x 15 minute zoom sessions when they know full well he won’t take part.

Art and yoga?! I’m not even joining the zooms.

And when they ring me I’ll tell them why! it’s an absolute utter farce.

Sorry that the school is not stepping up danni. Have you emailed to say that you expect more than that?

Ds not in school again today. I have just spoken with someone from Sendiass who was helpful in letting me know the sort of thing that they should be providing if he continues to not go in. I need to look at all the links that she sent but she said it might be a tutor to meet the academic bits of his EHCP and a farm club or similar for the social side.

I just can't wait to get the annual review done and for the consultation with the new school to start. I'm so sad at the prospect of him leaving his current school, which is lovely, but it's clearly not the right place for him if he won't even go in to play there for a couple of hours more than once or twice a week

It's all quite draining. And he's back to waking at 4ish again so definitely less sleep than your dn danni! We had a golden period of about a year from when he was 15 months where he napped for two hours a day and (mostly) slept for 10.5 hours at night (7-5:30) and since then it's got worse each year.

Open, the school contacted me this afternoon, it was the teacher who has been doing his 1-1 / 2-1 so she has been working really closely with ds.

She asked how he was / we had general chit chat, she said she was missing him, she seemed nice, I mentioned those books I bought for ds and said he’d read dragons hiccups (orange, level 6) last night and that he’d read it brilliantly, she said, what ds read a book? I was like yes, why? Honest to god she said they didn’t know he could read. She said he sometimes says some letters but that’s it and they weren’t aware he could read.

I’ve got a shit ton of videos of ds reading fluently that I send to my mum / dad / sister I offered to send her some of them, I think she thought I wasn’t telling the truth.

Anyway, more to the point, what are they doing with him at school? I get sometimes kids won’t do things at school they do at home or visa versa, but that’s not ds, he is what he is wherever he is iyswim.

How do they not know he can read? Other than by not reading with him.

Flabbergasted.

Sorry he didn’t go in again, how do you go about arranging a tutor? Via his annual review?

I just don’t think they are very academic at his school, which ok, it’s a school for children with learning disabilities and some children are non verbal / severely autistic / leave school at 19 just about counting so maybe that’s what they are used too?

But that’s not ds, they said to me ds is where the current children in his class where 2 years ago, which made me really worry that he’s much further behind than I thought (I honestly thought he would be about top of the class in a special school so when they said this it made me think, shit!) but then they weren’t even aware he could read so I don’t even trust their judgment!

She asked me for the name of the books, she was going to look into them & she said while she’s isolating this week she’s planning work for ds for when he’s back, she was going to talk to the class lead about his reading too and she thanked me for our conversation as she said she found it a really useful insight on what ds is capable of.

If I were a class lead though I would be feeling a bit embarrassed that a child in my class could read but I didn’t even realise.

I just keep thinking what the fuck have they been doing with him in school?!

Also his maths, she said he can count forwards and backwards to 20 and counts individual objects.

No no no! He counts in the thousands says one more / one less than any given number and can count in 2’s, 5’s, 10’s, 20’s.

I told her, he said to me this morning what number is 2 0 2 0 I said I don’t know ds, you tell me? He said two thousand and twenty. So I said to him, ok smart arse what is 3 0 3 0 and he said three thousand and thirty. He can read really big numbers and asks me what comes after a million, billion, trillion. He knows a million has 6 zeros etc.

He’s struggled with addition / subtraction but that’s started to come on but other number work he’s actually really quite good, he’s learning to tell the time / fractions / percentages.

He’s really much more capable than what they think, but unless they explore this then how will they know.

I think they haven’t sent him any work home because they think he doesn’t know anything 🤨

Which then makes me think they must be shit that they don’t realise any of this. And leads me back to the point that I don’t think he’s in the right school.

If I worked 1-1 with a child in a school I’d learn pretty damn quick what they did / didn’t know, surely that’s the whole point of being a teacher (and a specialist one at that)

danni the answer is probably twofold. Firstly they have low expectations because they haven't been given any decent information from his old school. Probably his old school didn't know what he was capable of either? They also haven't asked you, but I don't know if any school would. Secondly, based on what they've told you they are spending a lot of time managing ds' behaviour so probably aren't able to fully assess him - albeit they are probably starting from too low a base there.

I would drop an email to the class teacher, briefly outlining what ds can do in each area. I'm sure they'd be grateful.

Re EOTAS, I told his class teacher when she called today that we need to plan for this scenario in September, alongside a scenario where he goes in. It makes it tricky for the school though as they will need to employ the TA. I don't know if the LA will cough up any more money. The caseworker said the school already receive a lot. They get just under £15,300 but, of course, they have to fund the first £6k of that.

Danni I would be very annoyed about that too. But like open says I imagine they have found it quite hard to asses him while managing his behaviour. Also I don't know if your ds is anything like mine, but there are some skills that he sees as 'school' and some as 'home'. So I know he can read full books at school but he flat out refuses to do this at home.
Like you I would be worried about the lack of ambition the school seems to have for their students.

Open good luck with the annual review. I hope you can get EOTAS or that the other placement might be right. There definitely needs to be something by in place for ds in September as he must have missed a lot of learning of the last few months, even though you have managed to do work with him.

Ds, thankfully, is now happily getting on the bus again! Such a relief!
Dd is back in school today. I have a horrible feeling that neither child will make it through to end of term without more isolating. But it does look as though they are discussing new bubble guidelines today, which would be very welcome! Something like 20 kids out of school for every 1 infection!!

liv great that your ds is happily getting on the bus again. Ds hasn't done any work with me except for that one day . Yesterday I managed to get him to draw a picture and write a note on it for us to send to his grandparents. I figured it was better than nothing!

Weirdly he has gone in today with minimal effort. I will certainly not hold my breath for tomorrow though. I bought a book called The Kissing Hand which is about school and separation anxiety as he's quite clingy at the moment.

I hope people make it though the next couple of weeks without bubbles closing.

liv how has your ds adjusted to not having 1:1 - do you think it's been better for him? The school ds might move to has 3 adults per 8-10 children, 1 teacher and 2 TA's.

Well done for getting him in open.

It's been so much better for him than having a 1:1. The class sizes at ds's school are currently 6 with 1 teacher and 2 LSAs. They do group work as a class but also some work 1:1 throughout the day.
The main reason ds needed a 1:1 at school was the supervision aspect, which is moot now he's in a school which is properly set up for escape artists like him!
He also needed a lot of support to engage in whole class lessons which is also not a problem now his class size is so small.
I think he has more freedom now as the set up is tailor made to support children like him. Ie sensory input throughout the day, help processing emotions, blank walls to reduce visual stimulation, not having loads of distractions.
I remember showing pictures of the school to MIL and she was saddened by the bare walls but I thought it was amazing as ds is so easily visually overwhelmed. I think back to how lovely but chaotic his mainstream classroom was with stuff everywhere, the whole wall covered with loads of pictures, draws and cupboards that were very tempting for ds to open, non lockable doors that he was constantly escaping out of (his poor 1:1 was always exhausting from chasing him all day).

Sorry that was a bit of ramble! Basically I just can't get over how lucky we have been to find this school for ds!

Ramble away! So glad it worked out for you all.

Ds is back from his 2 hours. He said it was good but that he missed me, according to his comms book he was very happy and had a good time. Who knows what will happen tomorrow...

We have play therapy again this afternoon and then I think one more before the holidays. I'm not yet sure that it will help him. It's too early to tell but because he doesn't play with other people in a typical way always I'm not sure she will be able to get him to open up in the same way. Also, there's a lot of reflecting back at him which he may get frustrated with once the novelty of the toys wears off. Hopefully she has a few different techniques she can utilise.

danni I hope isolation 2.0 is tolerable.

That's great on the subtractions @danni0509! I think it just goes to show that often they are soaking stuff up even if they don't choose to share it straight away. I know with DD she likes to get confident with something by herself before she shows us what she can do. I think the emotions are too overwhelming otherwise. It's kind of a pressure thing (like PDA - I often wonder if there is a lot of PDA in all of autism, rather than just being some exotic corner: but it's not like stubbornness like it's sometimes presented, but more like difficulty processing the very intense emotions that come with somebody else watching you do something and possibly having an opinion on it). Anyway, random thoughts.

Welcome @carriebradshawwithlessshoes! Does your DS have a diagnosis, or has the school suggested anything? It seems off to suggest they can't help him without apparently trying to understand why he is finding it hard?

How is DS doing @openupmyeagereyes? Did he manage to go in today yet?

@dimples76 those assessments sound intense. I'm sorry, I've lost track - are these for the new school or something different? Good that they are trying to really understand all DS's circumstances I guess. I think I'd feel very defensive to be told things about my parenting style - I'm not the most confident parent. That's really not very good is it!

dimples our play therapy is an hour and a half round trip. It's about 16 miles away down two busy A roads. Today on the way back there was a two mile traffic jam on the other carriageway due to an accident. The thought of getting stuck in something like that, by myself with ds doesn't bear thinking about. We only have one more session before the holidays.

Light he went in today, you may have missed my earlier posts.

Liv I think that your son's school sounds just the sort of environment that would suit DS. I spoke to CAMHS today and she said she thought I should view some special schools in the Autumn. She also said that she thought that it would be at least a year until DS gets a diagnosis.

Open that's great that he went in.

Danni great work with the reading and Maths. I was just saying to my friend yesterday, I have no idea what DS could do he was focussed.

Light it's called a specialist assessment (for adopted and looked after children) of attachment, trauma and sensory issues. I think once they have completed the assessment DS will start sensory integration therapy and I will be having advisory sessions and then we will have joint therapy sessions - not entirely sure what these entail ..

DS's TA gave me a load of stuff today in case the bubble pops. They are waiting on a test result for a boy in his year whose little sister has tested positive. Tomorrow, I am taking part in a live, online induction event for 300+ students. Quite how I can do this if DS is at home I have no idea.

Oh no dimples! I hope it is negative. They've just said that bubbles will be scrapped on the 19th July but i wonder what they will suggest if you are already isolating due to a close contact.
Yeah the school is great, you do have to have a primary diagnosis of autism to attend though. It's definitely worth looking around as specialist provision really seems to vary.

The play therapy sounds good open, glad you weren't stuck in the traffic.

Ofstead are reviewing our Local Authority's SEND provision over the next week which is good. I had no idea that they reviewed LAs as well as schools. It's always very enlightening to hear other people's experiences within the borough.

No message over night so fingers crossed it was negative. DS's school breaks up next Friday. If we can just get through today it will be slightly less tricky with work. That said I am already feeling daunted by the 7 week hols this year especially as I only have annual leave to cover 4/7. My Mum and sister are going to help but sometimes DS and his cousins need some space from each other and as I'm wah it's going to make it all a lot more challenging. I wish DS's school had a holiday club as he could probably manage that