DD (9) ASD, Bereavement Help Pls!!

[Blossom4538]

Hi all,

We had a sudden death in the family a few months ago and DD has been really affected by it. Asks me numerous times a day, why I’m crying about it (when I’m not), if anyone is ill, thinks the worst. Can’t cope at even the mention of the loved one who passed aways name. Very distressed at seeing photos and does not intend on going in any families homes where photos are on display.

If she sees anyone out, on tv or even a cartoon depiction in a game which even slightly resembles the loved one, she gets distressed.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What can we do? Have CAMHS helped at all? We have referred back to CAMHS during lockdown and she is now under assessment from them, for co-existing conditions and the poss of medication. Also very hormonal and early puberty!

Just after any advice pls or similar experiences?

Thank you xx

@Blossom4538 I am sorry for your loss
💐You could try contacting Winston's Wish or Cruse Bereavement who have helplines.

I second Winston's Wish and Cruse.

DS1 has complex MH problems, including PTSD, that stem from the death of DD1. He doesn't cope well with others talking about her or looking at photographs. He is under a specialist trauma CAMHS team and we are working towards getting him to a point where he can access EMDR.

When DD1 died my DS' were younger than your DD but we found books helped them understand and process everything. If you think that is something that may help I can give you some suggestions if you want.

Thank you both

@10brokengreenbottles I’m so sorry for you sad loss.

I would certainly appreciate your book recommendations please. Thanks so much. I wonder which would be best, Cruse or Winston’s Wish?

I would start with Winston's Wish. As you can see we have read a fair few.

Sad Book - Michael Rosen -- Give us a story had a YouTube video of his book in lockdown, it might still be there.
No Matter What - Debi Gliori
The boy who built a wall around himself - Ali Redford
Always and Forever - Alan Durant
Paper Dolls - Julia Donaldson
Badger's parting gifts - Susan Farley
Invisible strings - Patrice Karst
A birthday Present for Daniel: a child's story of Loss - JC Rothman
The heart and the bottle - Oliver Jeffers
When Dinosaurs die (a guide to understanding) - Laurie Krasnyed
Sad isn't Bad - Michaelene Mundy
The huge bag of worries - Virginia Ironside -- this is more aimed at worries and anxiety but DS1 (and DS3 to an extent) carried around fear which is similar to the book.

It took me a long time to be able to read the first 2 books without ending up a blubbering mess, and I still can't read them without tears.

Since DS' were younger when DD1 died some of the books may be too young. Although many lend themselves to being read by any age. DS' preferred the first 3 books. Reading books instigated discussions that allowed us to get a better picture of what DS' were thinking. DS3 in particular asked a lot of questions, some of them rather deep.