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Original poster

Wanted some basic advice for friend who has just had a c/section who has 3.5 yr old with CP

22 replies

VeniVidiVickiQV · 29/09/2007 22:59

She only came out today, but she's upset that she cant cuddle or look after her son as she could. (Obv no lifting stretching etc for a while after the op).

Anyone had this experience and have any advice I can pass on?

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tobysmumkent · 29/09/2007 23:16

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tobysmumkent · 29/09/2007 23:20

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Jenkeywoo · 29/09/2007 23:23

Hi, again not exactly the same situation but i had c-section when my dd1 was only 19 months old and just couldn't understand why I couldn't pick her up. I used to have to shuffle down the stairs on my bum holding a baby in one arm and toddler in the other - quite a funny image now but it was hell at the time. My best advice would be to try to as little as possible lifting like washing on the line etc so you can save any energy for ds. Also getting into bed with the bigger one for lying down cuddles are not too bad as long as someone lifts the child into bed. I have to say, I found the recovery from the c-section very very hard and I felt unable to lift things properly for a long time but I did get there and so will your friend. I would also recommend getting other very important people like nannies and aunties do loads and loads of cuddling and fussing so the bigger one too. Best Wishes to your friend and I hope she makes a swift recovery.

needmorecoffee · 30/09/2007 10:14

Just tell her to try and be careful. I had 3 c-sections in 3 years so the last one I had a baby and 2 toddlers. No choice bu to carry on. 2 weeks after the 3rd one I had to walk into town (uphill and 2 miles) pushing a double buggy and holding the hand of a stroppy 3 yo. We'd run out of food and I didn't have a car.
Started to hemourraghe (sp?), lost a fair bit of blood although thankfully no damage and got a lecture from a doctor on over-doing it.
There are some things you have to do but for a couple of weeks try not put less pressure on those tummy muscles.

Cappuccino · 30/09/2007 10:16

social services sent me someone to help after I had dd2

dh had asked for help from dd1's paed (dd1 has CP) because he feared if I had a section it would be hard for us

I had a VBAC in the end but we still had a woman come to help a few times a week for the first months

your mate needs to shove though and she needs to shove hard they are nightmares to deal with

heartinthecountry · 30/09/2007 10:28

Agree she should ask SS for someone to help. I could have been in a similar situation when I had dd2 although also had a VBAC in the end but because I thought I might have to have another c-section I spoke to Ss about it in advance. They told me that if I had a c-section adn couldn't lift dd1 (and therefore really couldn't function) that I should contact them immediately and they would try and get someone in place.

needmorecoffee · 30/09/2007 10:33

Can I move there? Its taken 3 years to get help with dd (severe CP). I have mulstiple sclerosis and can't lift her at all. Eventually we got 3 hours a week and DH had to give up work to be her carer.

Original poster
VeniVidiVickiQV · 30/09/2007 14:22

thank you for all your posts.

Seems like she's just stuck with it really. Like her life isnt difficult enough already. (C/section was done to ensure safety of baby and reduce stress for her because her DS ended up with CP through botched managing of induced labour there in the first place).

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FioFio · 01/10/2007 11:44

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FioFio · 01/10/2007 11:46

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heartinthecountry · 01/10/2007 12:39

I know I have been very lucky with SS here and help isn't so forthcoming in other places.

3 hours p/w is pitiful nmc

Hi Fio - how's life with the wee one?

FioFio · 01/10/2007 12:59

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heartinthecountry · 01/10/2007 13:06

I'm good. I just posted on Shiny's thread that if you guys meet up please let me know and I'll gatecrash!

Original poster
VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/10/2007 13:33

I've been offering. When I visited her on Saturday (day she came out), her parents were there, sat on their arses ... admittedly somewhat entertaining her DS. She'd been home 6 hours and no-one had bothered to get her a cuppa.

Her DP buggered off out to do the shopping.... (he could have done that whilst she was still in hospital - he was off work).

I got there, tidied up her lounge (she was frustrated and desperate to tidy it as friends had come to stay and left the place without tidying and her parents hadnt bothered either which I am quite about). Changed her new DD's nappy - no-one else wanted to do it and she couldnt.

I had to get DP to badger her DP (they are v good friends btw...more than me and her are) to feed their DS. Then he buggered off for another hour chatting to mates on the phone etc. DP got up himself to get their DS a yoghurt after because she was asking her parents to get her DP to come in and do and they were just sitting there bickering about it! She ended up crying . She is incredibly frustrated.

DP finally got up and made her - and her parents - a cup of tea. Her DP is a bit of a lazy sod to say the least (I think he has only got up with their DS early in the morning or in the night once in the last 3.5 years). He spends most evenings playing on his xbox until 3, 4, 5am in the morning.

Problem is she is still sooooo swollen that she really does need to be laying down with her feet raised. How the hell can she when this is what her support system is?

He wont cook etc......

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Original poster
VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/10/2007 13:35

whoops - longer than I expected....

I should also clarify - it was my DP that got up and made her a cuppa!!!!

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FioFio · 01/10/2007 14:23

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Original poster
VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/10/2007 15:48

Ankles....she was swollen before she had the baby, she's even more swollen after - she's been on her feet most of the time. In the hospital she was placed at the far end of the ward which was furthest away from the kitchen and she is ff.

I dont mean to sound like I am some sort of saint - but I find it incomprehensible that her DP and parents just sat around on saturday. She has another friend who is really good - and crucially - knows how to look after her DS appropriately. I wouldnt know where to start with getting him in his standing frame, feeding chair etc.

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FioFio · 01/10/2007 16:37

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FioFio · 01/10/2007 16:37

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Original poster
VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/10/2007 18:07

First 24 hours they did. Thereafter they didnt - despite consultant asking her to stay off her feet.

Her DP was kinda doing stuff - putting shopping away and unloading dishwasher. But it took him the whole 2 hours that we were there and it was hardly top on the list of priorities.

She wasnt wearing the stockings, no. I made her lay on the sofa whilst I was there and got the cushions for her to raise her legs. Her mum - who is lovely as far as general things are concerned - just sat and watched me do it

But her DS was refusing to eat, (he likes her to do it but obv she cant really atm), and her DP was just sitting there saying "look - look - he wont do it for me coz you are here....". I may have overstepped the mark at that point when she said "move the baby and roll his chair over here and I'll do it" and I snapped "No!!! You absolutely will not - he'll have to get used to this"

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FioFio · 03/10/2007 14:11

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Original poster
VeniVidiVickiQV · 03/10/2007 20:57

Well, yes!! Quite frankly.

I'm hoping that DP can surreptitiously 'coach' him.....

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