Primary school auties: summer and beyond - thread 5

[openupmyeagereyes]

This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of autistic children in Early Years and KS1. Most of us are parents of children in Reception or Year 1, but all welcome!

Here are the links to the previous threads:

Thread 1: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

I am feeling rather low this morning. I am stressed at the moment and not sleeping well but it meant that my response to DS's refusal to get dressed just made a bad situation worse. As soon as we got out the house he perked up but now I am left feeling guilty. DD seems to decided that all the cupboards need emptying. Feels like it's going to be a long day.

I’m sorry you are having a tricky second week liv and dimples.

dimples anything you want to talk about?

Things have gone pear shaped here. Yesterday I got a call from the school late morning that Ds had been not listening, running around outside where he shouldn’t be, risking crossing other bubbles (he hasn’t yet through sheer luck) and then disruptive in the classroom. I went down to pick him up. He was so agitated when I collected him and quite distracted for most of the day.

Hoping for a better day 🙏

Dimples it's rubbish when you have mornings like that. If it makes you feel better I nearly did exactly the same with ds this morning. Sometimes it's hard to remember to take a moment and breathe. Hope your day gets better!

Sorry ds had a bad day open. Hope today goes better!

Sorry to hear that @openupmyeagereyes and @dimples76 Do you think the heatwave might have something to do with it?

Thank you. I am anxious due to DD's adoption. Her birth mother is fighting to get her back. The chances of her succeeding are v v small but obviously it's hard not to worry and really best case scenario is months of uncertainty. I feel like for the last year it just seems like challenge after challenge (on top of the daily challenges with DS) and I'm worn out.

In happier news DS had his first music therapy session via Zoom yesterday. He was unsure at the start but engaged well. We ended up singing Jingle Bells!

Oh dimples how worrying. I do hope things are resolved as swiftly as possible. How do they support you through this? I hope there is something.

Glad music therapy went well. What sort of things do they do?

SENCO emailed to say ds was having a settled morning so far. It’s a long time until 2:45...

Hi. Hope everyone is well.

Dimples so sorry your going through that, I can’t personally comment on anything regarding adoption process as I have zero experience but your dd is lucky to have you, I hope the judge (or who ever it is that decides these things) can see that she is with a stable family and that will be the end to that, you have the social worker on your side and I’m certain everyone else too! so hopefully nothing will come of it, but no wonder you are stressed bless you! X

Liv I’m pleased ds is still getting on the bus and I’m with you on the bribery, it’s all I ever do with ds. Hope dd is still getting on ok too. X

Open im sorry ds had a bad morning, hopefully he settles & you don’t have to pick him up again. X

Sorry that’s all I can remember off the top of my head, I do read everyone’s posts I just can’t look back on my phone I don’t use the app because o was a mumsnet addict so log in time to time on safari so can’t look back and I’m not great with remembering the new posters names yet, sorry, I’m not ignoring anybody

I had a little cry this morning, mixture of annoyed / angry / pissed off. ds school are doing class assemblies and posting the videos to the parent sharing thing and I got an email to say ds class had been uploaded so I log on and watch the 6 minute video of ds class assembly showing what they had been doing in class since they went back a fortnight ago, clips taken daily of all different times of the day, inside / outside / during pe etc and it was all merged into one video. All the children had a speaking part etc. Ds isn’t even in it for half a second. 😡 his teacher was like I’m so proud to be this class’ teacher this year bla bla, the parents can comment and the head has commented wow fantastic job etc! so has a few other teachers and parents.

I SWEAR I felt like being really Leary & typing where is the little leper (ds name) I don’t remember him being absent every day the last 2 weeks.......

It’s honestly disgusting. He’s always missed out and treat differently but that takes the absolute piss.

He’s chucked outside with his 1-1 everyday in the play area and that’s that. I’m going to pick him up every afternoon and there’s a tent pop up tunnel paddling pool bike scooter chalk paint all outside so he’s spending the day out there instead of being educated. Just gone into the third year of this shit... Sick of it now poor kid.

Better news, the special school phoned me back and we have arranged for him to go tomorrow afternoon me and dh are meeting the head and one of the autism teachers will play / supervise / assess ds in the hall for an hour while we have an appointment and after that appointment they will tell me if they think he’s suitable they said a lot of the time a parent assumes autism means special school and a child is too high functioning once they meet them and is better in mainstream with support, hence they want to meet ds first, which is fine by me as I did explain ds is deffo not high functioning (sadly!)

I’ll let you know how we get on!

danni fab news with the school visit, was this the one you were unsure of? Make sure you have a list of questions you want to ask. I hope it all goes well and they have a space for him. Disgusting for the school to not include him in the assembly video. You should complain if you haven’t already.

I am completely on tenterhooks and quite emotional worrying about how today is going. Pointless but I can’t help it.

Yes it was the one that I’m unsure of, I’ve heard bad things and it’s the one my sister in law worked at for 4 years her exact words were, don’t send ds there 😬

But all I can do is go tomorrow and just make my own judgment & take it from there, wherever ds ends up has to be better than being babysat in a mainstream school though surely? That’s what I keep telling myself! Plus it’s not as though we have special needs schools built on every corner around here.

His new 1-1 who came back last week is already off on the sick with covid symptoms yet she was in with ds when she thought she had the start of a cold 😐 so an older (no offence to her) lady came out to be his 1-1 whilst his other is off sick, she must’ve been 60 easily. Little lady not much taller than ds! I was stood thinking, he’s going to run you absolutely raggid 😂

I heard her say yesterday morning come ds, he wouldn’t so she grabbed his hand (lightly) to walk him in and he shouted owwww not tight like she was murdering him (which he often does as he’s a right drama queen) she was like woahh I’m not grabbing tight (which she wasn’t) and he run off from her and she had to chase him.

Also I’ve had to complain already last week as the area ds plays out in all day the gate has been unlocked (not wide open, just not bolted) every time I’ve picked him up, Worryingly though, literally 2 meters opposite from his gate is the school swimming pool which on Friday the door was unlocked to the pool and wedged wide open! and ds play area gate were he spends majority of his school day was unlocked.

It doesn’t take a genius to work out, 2 unlocked gates, an impulsive child who can’t swim with no danger awareness who thrives off trouble who quite likes to open gates and leg it...

Only takes 1 second.

I wrote a conplaint email Friday tea time to the headteacher. Who to be fair did respond straight away and said she forwarded it immediately on to all the staff.

But then yesterday, his gate unlocked, swimming pool door wedged wide open again.

There is a swimming instructor in there doing private lessons, I think they rent it out kind of thing when not in use by the school. So someone is always in there when the doors open but still I don’t like it hence why I emailed straight away on Friday, I need to speak to her again about it now as she obvs wasn’t listened too!

I just wish he had his old 1-1 back, she knew him like the back of her hand and would say things I was thinking, she really did get him, and she always use to forward think like I do to keep him safe.

Im not liking year 2 so far.

@danni0509 I'd complain about the assembly video, not exactly inclusive!

Btw my Dh thinks I’m being ott regarding pool. He said he’s always got a 1-1 with him and the pool instructor is in the pool so he wouldn’t come to any harm even if he managed to get in there.

(He would dive head first in though straight away! something similar happened on holiday last year no armbands on, just decided to run away while we was going back up to room and almost drown himself silly boy, i couldn’t get him in time, I was so cross and shouted so loud in panic!)

Dh said fine that I emailed but I read it out to him and he said it sounded shitty.

But tbh i was shitty about it because school know what he’s like and it’s showing to me that the yr2 team don’t really know him that well yet (even though they have been warned) you need eyes in the back of your head with him so thought that was a bit irresponsible leaving doors open and gates unlocked.

I don’t listen to Dh anyway he’s far too chilled around ds. One of the reason I don’t let him take his own son out 😳

Danni hope that the meeting with special school goes well. I am v cross on your behalf that they left your DS out of the video.

Open I hope that today has gone better.

After our negative start to the day I'm desperate to see DS and give him a big hug (if he'll let me).

Social Services are adamant that DD needs to stay with us so I just have to hope that the judge sees it the same way.

dimples I hope you got your hug. Excellent that SS are on your side, I’m sure that will go a long way with the judge.

danni I’d be the same re. the gates, you’re not being OTT. In fact I’m so concerned about the staggered start times and open doors/gates that I’ve been standing outside the school until they are all closed (ds’ class is in first). I’m sure everyone thinks I’m crackers.

Oh, and today went fine. I’m so relieved but back on the roller coaster tomorrow.

danni I hope the meeting went well.

I got called to pick up ds again. We are going to try a reduced timetable. I hope it helps.

That sounds like a good idea Open. It's a big change for him after 6 months away. DS has been back to school for 2 weeks and not a single toileting accident (there - he has had a couple at home). I'm enjoying the reduction in laundry! On the way way home I heard 2 children in the year below discussing DS - fortunately DS did not hear as one of them refused to believe that DS was 7.

Ds is going to the Special school.

They said they would love to have him & he would be a perfect fit.

I just have to name the school (which his school senco is doing ASAP as I’ve emailed her and she’s doing that first thing in the morning! She’s contacting the La and requesting a change in placement)

The La will then consult with the SS, they will negotiate ds banding as the SS said they will need an increased band from what he’s on, but they said that won’t be an issue once paper work is submitted.

Then it’s onto transitions and sorting school transport, they have a place for ds NOW and the head from the SS said it’s a matter of weeks until ds can start.

The autism specialist teacher absolutely loved ds she said he has so much potential, his speech is brilliant and she couldn’t wait to work with him, she knew what class he was going into (small class of 12 with 4 teachers)

it was lovely! He played so nice with her and she was so good what she was doing with him, she was making him request to play with this ball, he wanted her to throw it at the ceiling so she was saying can you say - Mrs xxxxx throw the ball at the ceiling please, then when he repeated that back she threw it and then the next go it was adding bits onto that so his sentences got longer and longer.

He followed all her instructions and she was making them trickier and when he was struggling she started asking him in a different way so he understood.

He will go into the moderate autism class & she said she thinks eventually based on what she see today he would work his way up into the higher ability classes and she thinks he’ll thrive with specialist teaching.

They haven’t even got any of ds paperwork only seen him in person today and they said they’ll take him! It’s such a hard school to get into everyone says that to me, they have waiting lists at the minute of up to a year but just so happens in the moderate autism class ds would need to be in they have a space they are happy for ds to take.

I text my sister in law who worked there and told her the name of the teacher we see and she text back saying she really knows her shit with autism she’s spent years and years as a specialist autism teacher and she’s great at her job.

I’m unsure what happens at breaks and lunch and I’m worried because it isn’t actually 1-1 support so something I need to ask ! Ds without a 1-1 is terrifying. The classroom should be ok, 4 specialist teachers to 12 children all similar to each other, but lunch time etc I hope they just don’t let them run wild with dinner ladies watching over god that would be such a shit show with ds I don’t even want to think about it.

Whatever anyway, he’s going to this school it’s deffo what he needs, they agreed mainstream isn’t the right environment after seeing him today x

So sorry ds is struggling open. Hopefully he settles back in.

Will you he picking him up at lunch?

X

She was talking about Occupational therapy, speech therapy etc all on site she said they have access to so much support for the kids.

Sorry dimples just seen your post must’ve cross posted.

Least ds didn’t know they weren’t being kind / were being arseholes.

Some girls last year were laughing at ds flapping and his 1-1 said inside now girls in a stern voice, doesn’t bother me! Just pleased ds doesn’t understand people taking the piss.

Pleased to hear about the toileting, ds hasn’t had an accident at school yet either, still only poohing in his bedtime nappy but as long as I regularly take him he’s calmed down on the wetting in the day.

danni that’s fantastic, I’m so happy for you and your ds. It will be such a better environment for him and take a lot of your worry away. So glad things are working out

Danni that's fantastic news. I'm so happy for you and DS (and a little jealous).
Bad news here - looks like we are going to be in local lockdown

Amazing news @danni0509 huge congrats!
Rrrrr at people taking the mic, ignorance is horrible, DS flaps too bless him!

dimples hooray for fewer toileting accidents! I think you said your ds is quite short hence the disbelief at his age? Sorry about local lockdown

I’m a bit jealous too, especially with all that’s going on here. Have spent all evening emailing with SENCO and HT. Ds will start on two hours tomorrow.

It’s all so confusing for him, I hope that he just needs extra time to adjust after so long away. Putting him back into 6 hours a day after so long off seems bonkers really.

Oh danni that made me cry a little! How wonderful for you and ds! Hope all the transitions go smoothly.
I was worried about ds going from 1:1 to less supervision but because the new school know how to deal with him it's not been a problem, so hopefully it will be the same for your ds. Also ds's school have proper locks on all the doors it's pretty much impossible to escape!

Open sorry about the reduced timetable. Definitely make sure you have a written record of it and a definite plan of how they are going to increase him back to school hours.

Dimples sorry about the other kids and the local lockdown! It's so stressful never knowing when freedoms are going to be taken away!

So last night DS spent 15 mins at bedtime telling me ALL about his day at school! He has never done that before, it was amazing. He was so proud of all his achievements which was lovely to see.