Primary school auties: summer and beyond - thread 5

[openupmyeagereyes]

This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of autistic children in Early Years and KS1. Most of us are parents of children in Reception or Year 1, but all welcome!

Here are the links to the previous threads:

Thread 1: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

To avoid any back lash, ds school said it’s been decided he needs specialist provision we aren’t a specialist provision and we can’t meet his needs.

That’s what his headteacher thinks is a sufficient enough answer to why she has and still is discriminating against him / illegally excluding him but sendiass said when ds is on their roll ds is still their problem.

He’s not off their roll yet, anyway sendiass is seeking further advice on what ds school are doing as she’s phoned them once and sent them a letter and now the LA have phoned them and they still continue to only allow him for 2.5 hours a day being babysat outside by a dinner lady..

The day he leaves there couldn’t come soon enough.

A very good friend of mine @danni0509 got her child out of a similar school and went all the way through with disability discrimination case. I would consider it!

Hope the consultations go ok danni. It's great how much your LA are doing to support your ds. The school are behaving terribly and illegally! I would definitely be thinking about official complaints against them.

Hope everyone else is ok?

We're plodding along, I think I am now officially 'unschooling' my children as homeschooling is going so badly

I can’t remember when I last posted, or about what!

danni I’m sorry school is still an ongoing issue. Hopefully the LA can work something out for you. Is having a tutor at home an option? Frankly I don’t think the school should be getting his funding, they should be giving 2/3 to you.

liv whatever works with the schooling. Hopefully this won’t last all term Is ds ok going out now?

We are doing ok though I have not been very patient the last two days of homeschooling. Going to try and do better tomorrow after failing today. Ds so easily distracted and needs constantly keeping on task. It’s so tedious but I know it’s not his fault really and I expect too much. He’s actually doing well and for that I am very grateful. I need to remember this when he’s staring into space for the umpteenth time.

Sleep is generally better (as in closer to 5am) but he was up at 4 today and it was my turn to get up. Early night for him tonight.

And his new favourite phrase is I don’t know. Would you like some toast ds - I don’t know....

I'm currently reading "My daughter is not naughty" . It is genuinely like reading about C to the point I now don't want to read it because I don't want to hear how much more difficult it will get. Its absolutely uncanny!

Mumofsend do things get more difficult in the book? It doesn’t mean your dd will. It still might have some useful strategies for the future, or now.

Danni I hope that you get some good news soon.

Those of you who are home schooling have my deepest sympathy. We have had to isolate so I had to home school again for a few days. I danced a little jig on Tuesday when my covid test came back negative and DS was despatched back to school yesterday.

Seem to be making progress with CAMHS and paediatrician. I think that the photos I took showing how much hair he has pulled out has shocked them into action.

Shocking dimples that you have to take photos of your sons bald patches to access any support, what is the world coming too? I hope he’s seen soon & dd also.

Mum of send i read the book ‘a real boy’ and I think the boy (David I’m sure he was called) was non verbal so that’s the only thing different about ds as he’s very verbal but the behaviours were just like reading about ds even when he got out the car on the motorway and into the front trying to drive his dads car and his dad had to fight him back into the back before he killed them both etc I read until the end, I can’t really remember exactly what happened as it was a couple of years ago I read it but I think he may have gone to residential when he was a teen or something like that. I’ll look at the book you mentioned. And yes to the disability discrimination trial I’ve already spoke at length with dh about it and I’ve mentioned it to sendiass. Without a doubt we have a case, just school making out to everyone they love ds and do it in HIS best interests, I always have to tell people how it really is, his speech therapist who went in thought they were wonderful! They let people know and see what they want them too 😡 hopefully a judge will see way past there bull shit, I’ve got years worths of examples and proof (letter from school they didn’t know I was going to receive a copy of saying he’s a drain on school funds and resources and detrimental to staffs mental health and well being - who speaks like that about a child? Who they receive 17 thousand pounds a year for? How can he drain school funds on that amount when he goes part time?)

It was ds 7th birthday yesterday, I’m a sentimental sod I know, but I really wish I could rewind back to the night he was born and start again. If I had one wish that’s what it would be, see what could be done different and see where we would be today x

Sorry liv missed you out, high 5 to unschooling! Do what you need to do to survive, it’s not worth the battle.

I’m supposed to be teaching ds how to dress himself at every opportunity but I can’t be arsed, I dress him it’s easier, he takes half an hour to pull his underpants up, haven’t got time for that faff!

Oh and open sorry! Yes very tedious ds is the same, when he’s reading I have to put my finger under each word, sometimes feel like putting my finger through the page and making a hole it’s so frustrating micro managing 😆

danni the thing is he can concentrate and we get through it all much faster but there are lots of days where it’s just the opposite. I need to remember that just because he can do it doesn’t mean he can do it all the time. I’ve bloody read the theory, just still learning to use it all in earnest!

Belated happy birthday to your ds 🎈 They are 7 already, time is flying.

@danni0509 sounds similar to DD's school. Everyone raves about how amazing they are for SEN and they are when its quiet sit down SEN. SEN that is a bit more challenging they are awful. They have said no to DS, absolutely zero genuine grounds. First thing his health visitor asked "do you think they have said no because of his sister?" Yes, yes I do. I think DS needs mainstream. They don't want to be stuck with him

I asked this morning when I dropped ds off if the headteacher could phone me. His class teacher asked what it was about and I said his hours and she was like can i help you with anything? No thanks, part of the reason he’s not allowed in is because you were constantly moaning!

The head phoned me half hour later and I said I want to know what is going on with ds hours, it’s ridiculous he’s only allowed in 2.5 a day, I said the la had offered to pay for 2-1 funding and asked basically was she playing at? I said he receives a substantial amount of funding with his ehcp and I want him back full time he is legally entitled to FULL TIME education and for almost 3 years they have palmed him off on part time.

So she said 2-1 support isn’t enough, the school need a trained specialist teacher for ds for 6 hours a day and by the time they have employed somebody with those qualifications and that kind of experience he will be long gone and with covid they wouldn’t be able to fulfil the vacancy anyway!

So I said, if that’s the case then tell me why ds is allowed in 2.5 hours a day now with a dinner lady who has no training whatsoever?

Deathly silence!

Honestly can’t do anymore than I’ve done, ive phoned the local authority, I speak to sendiass on a weekly basis who has warned them twice once via phone call once via letter (she can’t believe how they are either)

A discrimination trial takes months and costs money and he will have left by then.

What else? Local paper?

I’ll just have to accept this is it until he leaves but why the fuck should I? They are taking funding for ds won’t give him an education and are massively hindering his life giving him 20 minutes poxy reading and writing a day the rest he’s playing with shaving foam outside. No wonder he’s so behind.

I’m going to put a complaint in with the school governors, the local mp and contact ofsted.

If I think about it I don’t want him there any longer than he has to be, but it’s principle.

They are discriminating against my son and why should he have to put up with that. He can’t defend himself so I do it on his behalf.

They are taking the piss like they always have and I’m not accepting it.

Why won’t no one do anything about it? I’m complaining to every professional person and they listen but don’t come up with any kind of solution. They just say aw that’s not fair, no they shouldn’t be doing that etc but then nothing happens.

Like literally nothing happens, as long as it’s not affecting them no one gives a shit.

They are falsifying ds attendance register saying he is being educated off site, he isn’t. That’s breaking the law, no one cares?

Ambitious about autism have some draft letters so I’m going to see if I can print (don’t have a printer, library closed!) if I can’t print I’ll copy it and hand write the fucker, first one goes to head and school governors, second one goes to mp, third goes to ofsted.

Oh and his caseworker can be as nice to me as she likes but at the very end of the day it’s the LA responsibility to make sure ds ehcp is being adhered too which it isn’t so now she can pull her finger out and instead of saying to me when I’m complaining, ring them and request a meeting and tell them your not happy. No! You ring them. That’s YOUR job. Not MINE.

Trained staff and teaching assistants to deliver ds ehcp targets - he has an untrained dinner lady. EHCP NOT BEING ADHERED TOO.

Ds to take part in classroom activities on a daily basis for his social development - banned from the classroom and not allowed to be around other children. EHCP NOT BEING ADHERED TOO.

That’s just two I can think of without getting his shit ehcp out and looking through it.

Right I’m off, I’m now going to remind his caseworker of her duty 😂

@danni0509 good luck with it all. That is so so shocking that he has an EHCP and still they are being like that. Although it's not right, I could understand it more if he didnt have one and didnt have funding, but he does so there should be no issue at all!! He should be there full time with support. Can you formally request the money that is not being spent on DSback so as to use it on alternative provision? If hes only there for 2.5 hours, the funding for the other horse should come back to him surely, so it can be used in other ways (egif you wanted a private ot or something). At the very least, it might jolt the school into forming a plan...

Hours not horse!!

I want to hit the roof with DD's school/the one who have said no to DS.

Got their written reasons for DS. Their ENTIRE argument revolves around that he is a risk to other children and that he will need more support than 1-1 which is inefficient use of resources. There is ZERO indication he is a risk to any child. He has never hurt another child intentionally or unintentionally. His needs are all developmental not behavioural. It is so painfully obvious they are seeing him as DD's brother rather than DS. They are not the same child. Nursery said its bloody ridiculous to suggest he is a risk to other children.

I think I'm similar to you Danni, I absolutely don't want him there but its the bloody principle right now.

Did you know that a school who is found by ofsted to be illegally excluding a pupil (without official paper work) or found to be falsifying registers they can be awarded inadequate ofsted rating. They are doing both with ds for almost 3 years.

That will bring ds headteacher down off her ‘outstanding’ perch she’s sitting upon.

Such a shame.

www.childrenscommissioner.gov.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/Always_Someone_Elses_Problem.pdf

For anyone interested.

danni only part way through reading but this is really interesting. So many important points raised and, sadly, the title just sums up your experience.

This illegal activity appears to impact disproportionately on those groups which are also most likely to be formally excluded, particularly children with SEN

It is unlawful to exclude or to increase the severity of an exclusion for a non-disciplinary reason. For example, it would be unlawful to exclude a pupil simply because they have additional needs or a disability that the school feels it is unable to meet

What are you going to do?

Mumofsend I’m sorry the school is refusing to accept ds. What are your options?

So sorry @Mumofsend and @danni0509fir the appalling school experiences

I wish I had answers but in the meantime just sending sympathy. I’m really sorry you are going through such rubbish stuff.