I resent my disabled child

[Meandyou02]

Another day ,another handful of my hair torn out,a bite on my shoulder which has not stopped stinging since 4am this morning when he woke and inflicted it,3 hours sleep for me for 14th night in a row,non stop crying for reasons he cant tell me(non verbal) followed by non stop laughing .pinched arms all day long.hate that I'm still wiping his bum up to 10 times a day and hes far far to big for it and kicks me with his big string legs on my face or anywhere and gets muck everywhere in the process.theres no chance he will ever be toilet trained.SS have said theres no available respite.I hate it,hate that hes ruined my life and my other kids life.hes been a screaming demanding nightmare since he was born.no sleep no enjoyment, theres nothing about him that brings any happiness. I am at the stage I seriously think I need to give him up to social care.but I love him,what the hell can I do.im in a living hell.people judge those mothers who kill themselves and take their child but I completely understand why they do,sometimes there is no answer ,no help great enough.

I think everyone in your position (I am in it DS is severely autistic non verbal) has felt like this.
It's almost like a grief,a why me situation compounded by your worry for them and their future.
I'm also not part of the autism super power gang either- my sons disability is no super power.
I feel every word of your post and am sending you love and solidarity x

I must add I meant felt in some way like this.
I've not felt this extreme before ,how old is he?

This sounds so so tough. Is his father around? What is he doing to help?

No practical advice but it sounds enormously difficult. It’s completely OK to feel at the end of your tether. No judgement

No judgement from me either

@Meandyou02 you're struggling in an impossible situation.

@saffy1234 I don't understand - isn't @lucyintheskywithcz just saying the same as everyone else?

That sounds unbelievably hard. What have social services said so far?

I just wanted I say I completely understand OP. I have felt the same and I actually get some sleep! If I didn't, I honestly think I'd be gone by now. It's too much for any human to hear what you are going through and unless give cared for children like yours and mine, it's impossible to understand.

I am completely understand. You need to make some big scary decisions to make your life bearable. This isn't anyone's fault, certainly not yours. You deserve a life and your son will be fine. I'm thinking of you, I really am

just wanted I say I completely understand OP. I have felt the same and I actually get some sleep! If I didn't, I honestly think I'd be gone by now. It's too much for any human to BEAR (not hear!) what you are going through and unless give cared for children like yours and mine, it's impossible to understand.

Can you contact your GP for a advice I’m sure they could recommend a service to refer you onto at least. Also you sound as if you need some support too. Hang in there.

You need some urgent help op, you've not failed, it sounds absolutely impossible.

for you OP. I'm so sorry to read this. No judgement from me either.

How old is your son? Is he able to go back to school? I work in a SEN school and although it is open unfortunately some of the students cannot attend due to the needing personal care that we couldn't provide at the moment. However some students have been able to attend with their social care workers and use the school playground for some time.
Apologies if you've already looked into this but if your DS does have a carer it might be worth contacting the school to see what provision is available. You are more than entitled.
Again I apologise if this is something you've already looked into.
I also second pp about contacting social worker.

OP I'm so sorry things have got to this stage without the help you need. Unfortunately it's often the parents who are 'coping' (getting on with it and getting more and more burnt out but not banging the walls down and screaming) that fall through the net. If you truly feel as though you could harm yourself and your son I'd suggest calling the duty SW for your area and telling them you need help. If they don't immediately arrange for a SW visit tomorrow tell them you will attend the local offices, police station, hospital or anywhere else to hand him into a safe space as you can't continue as you are.
One the families I work with rocked up at 10 to 5 one day with a child who was kicking, biting, attacking the mother. I called their SW to come immediately and the mother was hysterical, shouting that she couldn't cope and she was going to leave the child there. It was one of the moments that I'll remember forever. I knew them well, they'd been asking for help for ages and it didn't bloody come until it was at breaking point . They got a massive package after that and I can't say much else but they are all so much happier.
Another of our families called 999 when their young child (5-7) was having a violent meltdown. They explained the situation (again, they'd been asking for help endlessly and getting the minimum) and as soon as other agencies were involved they got what they needed.
I think it's worth mentioning that a lot of the replies on here are suggesting full time 'taken into care' or residential, that doesn't have to be the case. There are many, many options as well as those. Some of the packages from our LA are more like 50/50 care, overnight carers, weekend respite and so on.
Also, unless you feel as though you are in imminent danger of harming your child I strongly suggest you don't say that to anyone. If you do genuinely feel you are both at risk of course you must say so but if you feel that way fleetingly and know it's not going to happen please don't. It could very well be a fast way to have him (and potentially other children) removed from your care and in that case you'd have no say over anything to do with your son's care. I think the pp suggesting you shout it from the rooftops probably hasn't ever had anything to do with SS or children with disabilities.
You are not a shit mum

Nothing to add except to say that anyone would need help in your situation OP.
Hang on in there, you're amazing.
Please also call your GP if the bite is still bothering you in the morn.

Couldn't read and run. Like other posters have said please call ss for an emergency assessment. Your whole life sounds so tough, you are an amazing mum and human being. My youngest is ASC but fortunately verbal in a fashion (echolalia). Do not feel guilty for how you feel, you deserve help. 💐

I am at the stage I seriously think I need to give him up to social care

I wouldn't judge you for it OP. I used to work as a children's support worker for challenging behaviour. Sometimes there is just nothing you can do to help. Definitely ring SS again and tell them none of you are coping. I hope you find some respite soon 💐

I just wanted to also add that it must be terrible for you . I also have a disabled son who can get physical on occasion luckily he's not been so bad recently but many a time I've had bruises on my arm where he grabs me hard when frustrated.
At times I've been in tears with him just frustrated at him . If I didn't have support I wouldn't cope but we do don't we because we have no choice .
Tomorrow will be better I'm sure but please speak to someone and look into support.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Reading some of the replies on here, I'm in awe of you ladies. I hope you find some respite.

You sound so tired and fed up and you really could do with alot more support

My 8 year old has a learning disability, so i know how you feel to an extent.
Maybe have a look on the SEN topics, see if anyone can be of any assistance about who you could reach out to?

Could you put him in a home or full time care. This is terrible for you.

I'm so sorry, it must be so hard for you. No judgement here at all. I know someone in a similar situation, also with a child that barely sleeps with complex learning difficulties and my heart breaks for her. It is so hard for her. Please call SS and ask for help, you are at breaking point and you need it. Sending hugs

I have, in the past worked with children like your son and it is incredibly difficult and I have so much respect for you.. it is so difficult. No one has children to become a punch bag and have to care for them for the rest of their lives.. you cannot provide that level of care for him on your own forever, it isn't fair on you. There is no shame in looking for residential care for him.. your relationship would be so much better when the strain isn't all on you x

This is so tough. Without fully understanding your child’s needs it’s difficult to say but in some circumstances putting your child or relative you cannot care for in care is not only better for you but also for the child.

It doesn’t mean you don’t love them enough, haven’t tried hard enough or aren’t good enough.

Sometimes residential care gives a better quality of life for the child. Absolutely no fault of the parent.