Autism signs & advice 23 months

[Newmomma2705]

Hi
Just looking for a bit of help and advice really. My DD will be 23 months this week and is showing some traits of autism. She has already had a referral to a peadeatrician from the health visitor after expressing my concerns however due to the current pandemic nay not be seen for a long time due to back log. She has had a hearing test which was inconclusive however I don't believe there is a problem with hearing. She has had a referral to SALT however same situation she won't be seen until everything open again.
I am extremely worried about autism although I know it's not the end of the world and am actually a Peadeatric nurse so have met many autistic children it's hard to deal with it being your own and not something you expected. I am not sleeping at night I feel like I assess everything that she does and I love her to absolute pieces and dony let her see my worry it's always on my mind and I feel like this is taking her being a toddler away from me.

My concerns are-

• only responds to her name occasionally
• No real words at all, babbles constantly. (Hasn't lost words just has never said any yet)
• doesn't point at all. She reaches or looks at what she wants and looks back at us or just cries looking at the object (of pulls on our clothes and pushes us to whatever she wants)
• her attention isn't great. She does give eye contact and keeps it if it's something she's interested in (nursery rhymes/ animal sounds/ hide and seek)
• not interested in people or childre

Other info-
No sensory issues enjoys messy play, not bothered about loud noises etc
Doesn't hand flap, spin or any of the other stimming behaviours (that I've noticed)
Eats well will try new things & no sleep issues
Attend nursery and there only concern at the moment is her attention.
She loves books but doesn't point things out
She enjoys playing with her stackers, building blocks, shape sorters. This week she has copied us sweeping with her broom, started pouring cups of tea and putting dolly down the slide and laughing but no more pretend play as such.

I don't really know what I'm looking for maybe just signs your little ones has autism? Could this just be a language / communication thing or is that not a thing? Thanks x

I mean her dad

@Newmomma2705 I’m from Manchester, May be good to keep in touch via Facebook or something. Can you private message on mumsnet? I could add you if you send me your name or a link or something my son is much better at home especially with trying to talk when we’re out he doesn’t even use the few words he knows xx

I guess I always had raised eyebrows at DD, started as a baby. She wouldn't respond to her name, did not copy actions I did with her such as clap hands, point,, pass a ball etc.
When she turned 1yo her personality changed, overnight and my placid calm baby became an anxious mess with serious detachment issues. Literally over night!! This coincided with strange noises she made with her throat.

Fast forward to now ...
Her stilling is quite bad. She cant walk a few feet without banging / tapping her head.
She piles toys, or packs them and unpacked.
She wailes, almost like a tantrum upset wail without coming from another person.
Not mentioning the meltdowns!!!

Anyway, my DS (21) was diagnosed aspergers. He is in his final year elections. He loves his work xxx

@Newmomma2705 It is not uncommon to behave one way at home vs. outside - at home she is in control, her environment and the people are predictable and accommodating to her needs (even before she asks), she can exert certain control over it and anticipate outcomes - the outside is very unpredictable. Also remember that autism is a social communication disorder, it's not a language disorder, a communications disorder, a repetitive disorder, a sensory disorder or any other type of disorder - and while no two autistic people are the same (their challenges and presentations will be different), autism will always affect social communication (it's the starting point of any autism assessment). Autism is certainly tricky, as autistic toddlers can be very affectionate, caring, have great eye contact, have great speech, communicate their needs perfectly, have great imaginations, be very socially motivated, etc and still have autism.

@Jleeh yes fab I will message you shortly. And that's interesting @Ispywithmycynicaleye alot of things my daughter does I feel are sometimes just toddler things that's why I'm so unsure about everything, she bangs her head on whatever nearest when you tell her no but wouldn't do it any other time. Do toddlers do that anyway sometimes out of frustration ?! I don't know all very hard until I get some professional advice. And thank you @AladdinMum I did read they could b different at home however most things I read are that things like meltdowns are saved for home where they feel safe however bar the odd tantrum to get her own way she doesn't really do that. Also when we are put the house say we go for a walk she always checks where I am, she runs away a little but laughs and if I don't follow she comes to find me. If we are out the home say meeting friends very occasionally she will blow raspberries at them and initiate this for a response from them an laughs when they do it and then will do a different sound so they do it and can go on a few minutes. Is this a positive that she's trying to make interactions or ..? I'm just so confused about it all xx

@AladdinMum that's why I'm so confused she never showed any repetitive behaviour that I'm aware of nor sensory issues (apart from.the banging her head I've been told is looking for sensory input) but only does it when she's told no? She has her first peadeatrician video call Monday so guess I could ask them xx

It will be very interesting to see what her ped thinks on the video call - while there are areas of concerns like you mentioned she also has many many (important and very encouraging) positives.

Just updating this thread for anyone following.
So my DD had her first pead appointment yesterday. She agreed there are red flags however wanted to take a wait and see approach as in my area they tend not to diagnose until 3 or 4. This worried me as I keep hearing early intervention is best. The pead felt that she has a lot of positives so said she would push the SALT to see her asap and assess as she wants to know if this is a language issue or something causing the language issue which I agreed, she said she will do a full skills inventory next week to ensure that she is on par with her peers in other areas. And has suggested we attend some play sessions where the play therapists she works with guide play and help assess there. She said she will contact nursery and advise them and get her hearing test rebooked asap. She said that even though they won't assess her for a year it won't make a difference to the services she is getting so my question is do you agree? Are these things 'early intervention' she said it is for her age as a diagnosis is to help more pre school and she may of developed all other areas first and her social skills and language are coming last, is this likely?! Don't know if I've been fobbed off or not I do feel she's doing alot and wouldn't push for a diagnosis if it won't change anything or help me.
She said from what I've said she doesn't feel like she shows repetitive behaviours, sensory needs it's just literally social skills and communication but she needs a SALT to assess this. Still a bit in limbo feel positive about the out come but difficult as they still have never actually seen her. She has also been referred to the early years forum who are meeting on the 8th Sept about her. They kind of made me feel like she could catch up/ develop skills in the next year and not show red flags but my impression was if they show signs before 2 it more than likely means they have autism as after that they are learning how to mask / adapt xx

My youngest was diagnosed at 2 and the only interventions we had were speech therapy and portage (play therapy). I didn’t find the speech therapy much help but the play therapist gave me some good activities.

She sounds very like my DS who was diagnosed at 19 months. I was distraught and was convinced he would never talk or communicate. He’s now 7 and although I can tell he has autism (he’s pretty quirky and his conversation tends to revolve around certain favourite subjects), several people have said to me they would not have known unless I told them.

He’s in mainstream school, doing fine without any additional support, has friends and is very chatty and outgoing.

What I wanted to say is that your DD may well have autism but it’s a huge spectrum and it doesn’t have to be the end of the World - although at the time I thought that it was.

Would absolutely second what FedUpMum and FrothandBubble said.

We found SLT very variable. We had one who just focused on "manding" (basically asking for stuff) and it felt illogical and soul destroying. A later one was much more focused on communication skills (playing games to practice the to and fro of conversation, etc.) I think the best support we got was actually from a nanny who helped DD at play times once a week in Reception: just encouraging her to share her play with the other children, modelling ways she could do that, etc. She also gave us some good ideas for how to do that.

Also, do bear in mind that there is a big industry out there (particularly in the US) making huge amounts of money out of early intervention. I'm not saying you shouldn't do anything to support your child if they are developing differently, obviously - but you have to take what you read online with a big pinch of salt (even when it is all presented with a scientific veneer).

It may be worth looking up the Nurturing Neurodiversity YouTube channel. She is UK based, very positive, and has some good ideas for ways to support your child's development - but also is very good on some of the emotional challenges of these pre-diagnosis days (which were the worst - for me at least - things got much better once we had diagnosis and knew where we were, just from a point of view of not wasting huge energy wondering and second-guessing ourselves).

Thank you for your comments sometimes I don't seem to receive the updates from mumsnet.
We are still here in limbo my DD is now 28 months.. speech and language have advised us to start PECS however it is me teaching her due to covid they jusy guide over the phone we only started this week.
We still have our concerns about DD however it is all mainly regarding speech delay and not pointing to share interest and everything I read says if they don't point to share interest by now it will end in a diagnosis I don't know how true that Is. She points to request and not even just objects she points at me when she's chasing me. She has started smiling at both immediate family & strangers / people we haven't seen in a long time instead of lopking through them. She wants to play with people (mainly adults) to play jigsaws or read her books with her. She watches children all the time and is always part of the group never on her own just doesn't seem to interact with them yet.
She imitates alot this week her book says pop pop pop and she copied me doing it and laughing, she copied when my.mom blows raspberries & laughs and really looks like she is listening when you name her animals she looks at you intently.
She doesn't seem.to be in her own little world as she used to responds to her name most of the time but when she doesn't I just think that's being a toddler now..She tantrums when she doesn't get her own way and shouts back at you when you tell her no..
I'm hoping we are going in the right direction but she definately seems more interactive so whatever the outcome we are positive at the moment:)

Just read some of tips in this thread and it is reassuring to hear bits of progress.

Hi @Newmomma2705 great reading your dd has been making amazing progress. It’s been 5months almost since your last update, I’d live to know how she’s doing now.... my dd is 18m and I’m going through the panic stage wondering how she’s going to be when will she respond, interact, point wave...

Hiya @Sabu1234 My DD is now just over 2 and a half, she will be 3 in May. We are still in limbo with everything as the pead wanted to wait until she was 3 to see if they want to do the full autism assessment (I think it's ADOS) she is still not speaking however uses PECS to communicate which she took to straight away it was recommended by the speech therapist. She has 1:1 at her nursery for help with speech this only started last month so hoping to see some improvements with that. At home my DD is very responsive her receptive language has improved massively she understands alot. She still doesn't point to share interest but does point to request. She is fully potty trained & has been since she was 2.5years. She is interested in children now but obviously finds it hard to communicate as she isn't talking. She waves occasionally but wil hi 5 everyone she meets. She still has communication issues however not yet any repetitive behaviours. No issues with food or sleep. She improves every day. I am no longer worried about her being diagnosed I would just like to know but she improves so much i just hope we have some words soon. If you have Facebook I recommend you follow a group called nuturing neurodiversity as this is all people in limbo and you will hear loads of different aspects from people xx

@sabu1234 I should of read my previous update before I replied, she's come on so far from that!! She uses PECS often, she cuddles children doesn't just watch them.her face lights up when she is around kids. Her attention is much better & she recognises immediate family and is so much better around people in general. Her eye contact is still fleeting but it's there when she wants. She is in nursery 2 full days and absolutely loves it xx

@Newmomma2705 what an amazing update, she is doing so well... I hope my dd progresses like that. Right now the fear is the unknown, I constantly google and worry myself so much. Thank you for the quick reply and I hope you update this thread again in a few months with more progress x

@Newmomma2705 and she was potty trained pretty early! Well done!

@Sabu1234 I was in the place you are now when I originally wrote this post and I googled so much & honestly I still do but the answer is nobody knows. She has improved so much from when I first thought she was different and even though there are still issues now & you can see she is behind her peers in communication I see a difference in her all the time. I don't know if she will receive a diagnosis she is still hard to engage outside of the home sometimes, and isn't the most social child however she is funny, cheeky & mischevious and a diagnosis won't change that. I just try my best to engage her I arrange play dates and ensure she sees other children regularly. Although she can't talk she knows her colours, shapes, numbers like other kids her age :) the progress may be slower or more hard work than other children but any progress is good :) definately follow that group on Facebook if you have it- everyone is in limbo there as

Hope you don’t mind me asking how you are all getting on now? My dd is just 2 and I’m also a little concerned about her, mainly speech and language, what she understands is hard to tell sometimes. Her big brother has ASD, diagnosed at 3.5yrs and his main issue is disordered and delayed language development which just adds to my worry. It’s hard to tell sometimes whether I’m being rational or not worrying about dad. She points and has some words to request but doesn’t always seem to understand and just seems behind her peers in a way that’s hard to put my finger on. Hope all is going well for you are your daughters. Kids are such a worry 😀

Hi
how’s your dd doing ? Has she received a diagnosis?❤️