Autism signs & advice 23 months

[Newmomma2705]

Hi
Just looking for a bit of help and advice really. My DD will be 23 months this week and is showing some traits of autism. She has already had a referral to a peadeatrician from the health visitor after expressing my concerns however due to the current pandemic nay not be seen for a long time due to back log. She has had a hearing test which was inconclusive however I don't believe there is a problem with hearing. She has had a referral to SALT however same situation she won't be seen until everything open again.
I am extremely worried about autism although I know it's not the end of the world and am actually a Peadeatric nurse so have met many autistic children it's hard to deal with it being your own and not something you expected. I am not sleeping at night I feel like I assess everything that she does and I love her to absolute pieces and dony let her see my worry it's always on my mind and I feel like this is taking her being a toddler away from me.

My concerns are-

• only responds to her name occasionally
• No real words at all, babbles constantly. (Hasn't lost words just has never said any yet)
• doesn't point at all. She reaches or looks at what she wants and looks back at us or just cries looking at the object (of pulls on our clothes and pushes us to whatever she wants)
• her attention isn't great. She does give eye contact and keeps it if it's something she's interested in (nursery rhymes/ animal sounds/ hide and seek)
• not interested in people or childre

Other info-
No sensory issues enjoys messy play, not bothered about loud noises etc
Doesn't hand flap, spin or any of the other stimming behaviours (that I've noticed)
Eats well will try new things & no sleep issues
Attend nursery and there only concern at the moment is her attention.
She loves books but doesn't point things out
She enjoys playing with her stackers, building blocks, shape sorters. This week she has copied us sweeping with her broom, started pouring cups of tea and putting dolly down the slide and laughing but no more pretend play as such.

I don't really know what I'm looking for maybe just signs your little ones has autism? Could this just be a language / communication thing or is that not a thing? Thanks x

Teawaster, that is a great account of your DS and that feeling that something is just a bit off.

It’s wonderful that’s he’s doing so well and as a mum who is riiiiight at the start hearing stories like yours is so important to see that not everything is doom and gloom.

Hi Newmomma2705 I am in a very similar position with my 22 month old DS. No sensory issues or repetitive behaviours but lack of speech and pointing and 50/50 responds to his name. Please let me know how you get on :)

Hi everyone, just wondering if any of your children with ASD used to look through people? It's literally as thoufh she can't see people there she looks completely looks through them even close family. It's really upsetting now. Thanks xx

Yup, sometimes. Especially if she’s really focusing on something else.

BUT I’m noticing it less and less now. DD is 2.5 now and has started pointing, involving me when she’s watching a movie, making DH get up and dance with her in her Belle costume, she’ll come over for a cuddle when she fancies one now and she’s discovered hair accessories and she loves putting them in my hair.

It’s like a switch has been flicked, especially over the last few weeks. It’s almost as if it’s clicked with her that other people can be fun.

A few months ago though, her lack of engagement etc meant I was really stressed out about and like you I found it really upsetting. I went through the photos on my phone and created an album called Happy DD where I put recent photos of her laughing and smiling, and I’d flick through them when I started to worry. I found that really helped.

Try and remember that she’s still really young and that any progress she’s made is before she’s even got any help from SLT or anything. She will learn and develop, just even think about the things she’s learnt in the last 2 or 3 months.

Sorry @Jleeh I missed you previous message, I will keep you updated on my DD however things are slow due to covid so just waiting currently. My DD has actually started to point since I started this thread when she was 22 months, 2 weeks later she points at everything she wants just not yet pointing to share attention.
Thank you @TerribleCustomerCervix glad to here your DD is doing so well!!! Sounds really positive. My DD is pointing now which I am so happy about (Even though still aware it's late) & not completely there with pointing show something but i was so proud and happy about it and then today feeling low again about her not looking at people. Today we seen my dad down the drive for the first time in 6 weeks and my DD couldn't care less wouldn't look at him jusy carried on it really upset me. I'm hoping she comes on as time passes but is so hard to look to the future when you have no idea what is going to happen. Thank you for keeping me updated & positive about this journey! Xx

Do you find that you notice little things that can cause you to spiral?

I definitely do sometimes. It got so bad that I’ve been put on anxiety medication. I still worry, don’t get me wrong, but I find I’m much better at rationalising things now. Thinking about the progress dd has made on her own, focusing on the stuff she’s good at and embracing the things that she enjoys has made a huge difference.

She will need extra help, but so do lots of kids. SLT delays are the most common developmental issue in preschoolers. In my borough, 32% of children in primary 1 have some speech delay, with the majority of those kids having never seen a professional. 1 in 30 primary school kids in NI (where I am) have an ASD diagnosis- it is so common! IF your dd has asd, the fact you’ve noticed and sought help early will already give her a boost.

The things you outlined in your OP are all really positive. Dd is the same with babble, and when we first saw the NHS SLT I said I was worrying about her never talking. Quick as a flash, she said “Oh she’ll 100% talk and use words.” When I asked why she was so certain, she said that children who are vocal and keen to mimic conversation basically have the foundations there for speech and she will get there.

Sorry, I’ve gone on and on here, but this is the next best thing to using a time machine to go back and reassure myself 7 months ago!!!!

I totally understand what you mean when you talk about worry and anxiety. I know it’s not the end of the world but I loose so much sleep over it I’ve barely been able to eat and I feel sick constantly! I feel as though things will be okay one minute then I see a child doing something totally normal and I’m like oh no will my DS ever learn how to do that. The unknown is so hard xx

Yeah @TerribleCustomerCervix all the time!!! I hadn't actually googled ASD in a few days which is the longest I haven't looked since I started to think it. I was so positive and often think oh she's getting there slowly then bam something happens and I'm like she's definately on the spectrum and I need help. I am so close to my dad and he loves my DD so much but her not reacting to him earlier has really upset me as my niece who is 4 now absolutely adores him and now I keep thinking she will never have that relationship bla bla bla... think I have gone crazy!! But yeah she still has no words at all and I am longing to hear something! Anything at all. She mimics everything.. bowling raspberries, funny noises/ faces just no sounds but that's great that the SALT said that as she babbles constantly and so feel like she will talk some day as well. Yes @Jleeh totally agree with you it will be fine in the end but if someone could just tell me what difference a year will make And how she will be when she's 3/4 it would take some of the worry away thays now taking over my life. Even when we are having a good day I feel like i am assessing her xx

Newmomma I was doing the exact same thing! I lost two stone at the end of last year because I just couldn’t eat for worry and anxiety.

Speaking to the doctor and getting treatment really has made a massive difference. I was watching dd like a hawk and every time she tip toe ran or refused to engage I would be screaming internally SHE’S FUCKING AUTISTIC! But now I genuinely just enjoy spending time with her. I’ve stopped trying to diagnose her, because 1- I’m not an expert and 2- if she is, it doesn’t mean that she can’t achieve and be happy.

Do you have someone to talk to in real life? I have my twin sister, who is amazing. She dotes on DD and is very quick to reassure me that regardless of whether or not she has ASD, she’s as sly as a fox and constantly reminds me of the progress she’s made.

Try not too put too much emphasis on the lack of interaction with your dad. Toddlers can frankly be dicks at the best of times, and if she hasn’t seen him in six weeks that could be confusing for her anyway. She’s only two and by comparing her with another kid literally twice her age, you’re never going to be happy with the outcome!

If she’s mimicking you that’s great though- it means that when you start SLT it’ll be easier to engage her with the exercises.

Try and stop googling. I know it’s hard. I read somewhere that you won’t find your child on google and that’s 100% true. I’m not going to find the reassurance I want on a search engine, I’ll get it from taking dd into the garden and getting her on her balance bike or by watching her favourite movie and seeing her gasp and turn to me for my reaction when Belle shows up in her yellow dress for the five thousandth time.

Thanks so much @TerribleCustomerCervix your positivity is definately something I need! And you are absolutely right. I have tried to stop googling as it is literally driving me insane! I have people to talk to but then always think they don't understand how I'm feeling but my partner is great. Thabks so much for your comments just got to keep going with her I guess and see what new things she can achieve. She's so clued on in many other ways but the social/ communication and language is just so hard! Thanks x

Yeah I feel exactly the same- dd is flying in literally every other area, but then when it comes to communication....splat .

You have every reason to be optimistic. You’re her mum and by engaging with the right services and getting your dd help now, it’ll stand her in good stead when she goes to nursery, on to school and throughout her life.

Another thing which helped me was muting the MN SEN boards. I kept being drawn to them like a moth to a flame and totally lost all sense of perspective. Rationally I knew that people would post during difficult periods looking for support, but that meant a total absence of parents who’s kids were actually doing really well. It meant everything was so skewed and seemed so daunting.

In reality when I’ve spoken to mums in real life whose kids are affected, they’ve said they don’t even think about asd anymore. It’s just a part of their kid, like the fact they have blue eyes or curly hair. Seeing those children doing well, making friendships and succeeding at school has really helped me see that this doesn’t have to be a huge, life defining issue for dd. I don’t need to “fix” her, but I do need to equip her to be as independent as possible like I will for her NT brother, just in a different way.

Focus on YOUR child. Address the issues that you feel she needs help with and celebrate the rest. Don’t worry about other people having kids with ASD that have meltdowns, broken sleep or problems with food, because right now that’s not something you need to worry about and there’s nothing to suggest that it will be.

I’m sorry I’ve prattled on. Honestly I’m responding as much for myself as anyone else

Hi op. I don't have any advice but just wanted to say I hope you get some answers soon. We're in the same boat as you worried about out ds (almost 3) he also doesn't speak much at all and displays Alot of traits of autism and adhd act it's so worrying and like you I also spent far too much time googling! I'm trying not to do that as much as I was driving myself nuts and getting nowhere. We were in the process of having apps and then covid happened. He appears not to hear and has no reaction to his name at all. He had an app to have his hearing tested but it was cancelled no idea when things will start up again. Im glad your dd is showing signs of improving and pointing more. It's so hard isn't it when you analyse everything. Hope you are doing ok and get some answers to your questions soon. X

@returnofsaturn I could have written your post about my DS! He spits (well he will take a drink from his bottle and spit it out)he's been told off lots of times about it but still does it. He also bites for no reason and hits and licks and pinches. I think it's all sensory as the ot we saw before covid happened said he was a sensory seeker. X

Thanks @TerribleCustomerCervix I actually stopped looking at mum's net before I seen your reply but feeling more positive about it all at the moment. And @Shutupyoutart sorry I didn't reply I tried to stop looking at everything as it was driving me insane and feel alot better about it now I've stopped I'm sure something will be thrown in the mix again soon to make all the stress come back. Waiting for apps is hard and looks like it's going to be a while to be seen in which I feel like she's falling even further behind with speech still no words at all. Does he ever react to his name? As I've been analysing my DD constantly I would of before said she never reacts when actually truth be told she reacts over hald the time when not occupied. Hope you get more answers soon but my advice stop the googling xxx

I will defo stop googling. No I'd say he doesn't respond to his name 95%of the time, it's act suprising when he does tbh cos we are so used to him not. It's like he's not hearing or ignoring us. He used to respond to other sounds better but not so much lately he's single focused tho if say he's watching something on the tv that interests him all his attention is on that..that said he has no attention for toys and flits from one thing to the next in a matter of mins. He won't look at books I've tried flash cards but he won't sit still for long enough. Have you tried those with your dd if she enjoys books she might like them.

Maybe you will get more answers once the hearing tests start again. My DD had a hearing test but was inconclusive as she wasn't interested in looking jusy wanted to play with the toys so need to go back however I don't feel like it's her hearing. She also often appears if she is ignoring you but other times doesn't and don't really know what's normal her peers definately react more than her. She loves books but won't look at flash cards just wants to throw them. How does your DS communicate with you? X

New momma - What a lot of people tend to forget to say about the book “it takes two to talk” is that it is overwhelmingly positive and it will never increase your anxiety. For us parents that is a massive deal. I think it saved my marriage :). It doesn’t talk about autism at all. The techniques that it will teach you are useful irrespective of whether your child has language or something more.

Once you have absorbed the techniques in it takes two to talk you may then feel more comfortable by more than words.

The funny thing about both these books is that once you absorb the techniques you can see lots of parents failing in their communications with their children because they are not using the techniques – and those children don’t have any language delay at all! :)

He usually communicates by pulling me to what he wants. Usually something out of the fridge or cupboard. He can say about 15words but he is older then your dd. Tbh if it was the speech alone I wouldn't be concerned it's the speech along with the other issues. It's very difficult to engage him in anything cos he's very high energy and doesn't sit still long enough to do anything! He's obsessed with light switches and plugs! Even if we go somewhere like the park or soft play he prefers to just run I've often wondered about adhd but then he also displays signs of autism. The salt we saw said she wasn't sure cos he was so high energy but she didn't automatically think autism when she saw him even tho he wasn't making eye contact or answering his name but she thinks he does need early intervention. Sorry I'm rambling just been worrying about him for over a year and no where nearer to finding out. Hopefully things start up soon and we both get some more answers. X

apologies if this has already been said but I tend to think of surface layers and deeper layers

what he says (or not) and what he does (pointing etc) is the surface.
underneath that is what he hears.
underneath that is what he picks up from non-verbal communication including body language and what he sees.
and underneath that is, perhaps, a bit of an imbalance in his sensory perception.

Because I was so scared, I faffed around for ages on just the language stuff but we made much better progress once I recognised the visual and the sensory stuff and steeled myself to learn a bit about it.

my son is great now - a fairly typical teenager - and obviously much of that is to do with biology but I like to think my interventions helped :)

Hi lovely, any update on your little one? Hope you are all well xx

Hi @Jleeh, my daughter is now 26 months. Still showing a lot of red flags and still unsure about if she has autism or not.
She has improved in alot of areas answers her name most of the time, points to request all the time. She still doesn't point to share interest :( and still no words at all.
Sometimes I feel she's disinterested in people some days nursery tells me she kisses them all & has started to interact with my dad. I have also noticed although not interacting with children at all (apart from givinf babies there dummys back) she does actually appear to be watching them now which she never used to
In terms of help it has been a slow process due to Covid. She has been assessed over the phone And agreed she is showing red flags and has her first peadeatrician video call on Monday. She has also had an over the assessment phone with nursery and been referred to the early years forum. She is under speech and language therapy but they still haven't seen her as not yet started face to face appointments by me.
How is your DS getting on? Xx

Her understanding has also improved although definately behind her peers she understands get your shoes, put things in the bin, get me a towel, where's your ball (just a few examples) which 3 months ago she just looked at me blankly. If I say give that to ... whoever .. She does it. See improvements all the time but definately still red flags & still worried xx

He’s 25 months he’s saying a few things like drink cake etc but is also still showing red flags tip toe walking, watching car wheels, not sharing interest etc. Still speech delayed, But overall he’s a happy little chap. I’ve had him referred to speech and language but obviously everything is on hold with Covid and I have his first peads call on Wednesday next week. We should keep in touch, what part of the U.K. are you from? Xx

Hi newmomma. Great news that your dd is showing signs of improving. Hopefully they will start up with the speech therapy again soon. X

My DD also tip toe walks occasionally now but laughs when she does it so can't work put if she's doing it to be funny?! That's fab that he can ask for things he wants, I would love to hear any words now! We have the lack of sharing interest as well but she does appear like she is trying to communicats alot of the times she is forever giving me things anything she has stickers play doh or whatever to play as well. She is just very different at home with me and my dad than she is when she sees other people. I sometimes think if she was at home all the time and people onky assessed her therr you wouldn't see the red flags. Yes definately, I am from Staffordshire. You? Thank you @Shutupyoutart hopefully they sort something soon they have sent me activities to do at home but don't feel like it's working great as they said they need to show me the techniques xx