Seeing 'what might have been'

[sphil]

Have posted this on another thread tonight but DS1 spent two hours tonight playing with our neighbours' three year old. It was lovely, he was great with him and our neighbours were mightily impressed! But it just hit me - this is what it would be like if DS2 wasn't autistic. Made me very .

it is so sad when you see a snap dhot of what might have been

my ds1 does so well, but talking to his peers makes me want to cry sometimes because it's a proper conversation - not the end of the world that i don't have thse with him, but sad all the same.
. when his nt 2 yr old twin siblings are playing in a totally stress free way when he's at school i feel sad and then sad for his sake that his mum's sad about this.
so suffice to say i know what you mean

I know what you mean, when you get that few seconds of what could have been then feel guilty for not just accepting the way things are. I get tearful when I see photos of dd1 at this age running around the park and stuff when dd2 at the same age can't even crawl

I get this when I see pictures of my older 3 at age 3. The age DD is now. They were running around and talking, usual stuff.
DD will never do anything like that even if the lennox-gastaut leaves her her intelligence.
Its a pang in the heart moment and sometimes brings up that well of grief over what 'should have been'

its a hard hard thing isnt it. Ive found it particularly hard this summer as i watched the other 2 year old paddling in the sea thinking that thats what i thought Id be doing with my son.....still he enjoyed eating his ice-cream and watching them.....!!

It so so tough though. Makes me very too but I just try now not to dwell on it like i used too.

I always find this one of the most difficult things. Ds1 who is NT and 8 can play happily with 2 year olds more successfully than with Ds2. They do play togethre a bit but it requires Ds1 to take a very patient adult role and not surprisingly he can't keep it up for that long. I also feel sad that because Ds2 has problems with his motor skills he can't even really join in with Ds1 in a physcial way e.g. at the playground, kicking a ball etc. And it means he gets left out of lots of the games that Ds1 plays with his dad. I feel sad for all of them although Ds1 rarely complains.

And from a selfish point of view it leaves me with a lot more work; no sitting on the bench at the playground while they play happily for me - Ds1 is more likely to get bored without anyone to play with and Ds2 needs lots of help and supervision.

I try to look at it in a positive way - I am sure both of them do benefit enormously from the other one in other ways and they love each other to bits.

Dd is now a toddler and looks almost identical to how ds2 (ASD) was at her age. It feels very weird to hear her talking and see her excitedly pointing at things that have caught her attention.

Yes I know exactly how this feels. Dd tries to fit in but finds it so hard. When you see them with other children their age it just magnifies it doesn't it?
Coppertop it's lovely to hear about your dd, she sounds adorable

I've even found myself thinking I should have another baby, then DS1 would have a companion. Or adopt. Neither likely to happen, given my advanced years... Or even desirable, if i think about it rationally

Saker, I know just what you mean about it being more work because they can't play together. I ricochet between one and the other - DS1 wants to play imaginary games and DS2 wants to be spun, swung, bounced and turned upside down. It's so hard to find any common ground.