Auties transition to Year 1 - thread 3

[LightTripper]

This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of autistic children in reception year at school, going into Year 1 in the autumn. All welcome (also parents with older or younger children who want to ask questions or share their wisdom!)

Welcome!

Liv sorry you're having a hard time do you think it's the change to year 1 with the increase in recent behaviour? ds has never been an angel which I'm sure you have heard me say before lol. But I've been having a rougher time with him lately. Lots of screaming, hitting, I'm thinking a mix of tiredness (he's been doing full days 3 weeks now) plus the change over to yr 1 and then the standard autism behaviours all thrown together, it's a recipe for disaster!

He tantrummed for 4 hours yesterday after school for no real reason, hit me multiple times and my husband too, he very rarely goes for Dh but grabbed Dh mouth and dug his fingers in his lips and squeezed and I had to prize his fingers from inside dhs mouth. Ridiculous. I don't drink at all but felt like necking a bottle when I'd got him in bed last night.

He had a better day at school today his 1-1 said and he came home in a fairly pleasant mood which continued and we had an ok teatime / bedtime tonight, thank god. He also kept giving me kisses tonight, he never does that!! My mum came to see him for an hour and commented on his better mood which she hasn't being seeing lately so all was good tonight.

The pleasant moods are a rareity (if that's how you spell it?!) at the moment though. I get him from the school office and I actually daren't speak to him because guaranteed I say the wrong thing and set him off so best to just not say a word until I've figured his mood out he keeps saying as soon as he sees me, not going home, don't like home! in front of his 1-1 when I get him from the office every day! How embarrassing It's because all spring / summer I took him straight from school to the beach or park to kill a bit more time before tea and now it's shitty weather getting darker earlier and he's doing full days we go straight home so he's saying don't like home as in he wants to go to the beach or park. I cringe when I get him and he's shouting it for everyone to hear every single day. Can only imagine what people think! It's his routine now to shout it when he sees me.

Good luck with the search for a new school, is there any particular reason for the change? Is it school who think he isn't coping? We don't have autism specific schools here the one ds will go to at some point has quite a mixture of pupils with varying diagnosis's, my sister in law used to work their so have a brief idea of what to expect.

Open yes I'm enjoining my child free time when we were trying for ds (we had ivf in the end) I could never understand why parents wanted there children at full time school and counted down the days of the holidays until they went back.......... now I totally totally get it

how's ds?

Hello to lottie & to everyone else. X

Open Enjoying, not enjoining. Literally making words up here.

Good night. Hope all our children have a good nights sleep.

light you haven't done your fairy sleepy wishes for us in a while.

Thanks danni. Sorry you're having aggressive behaviour and tantrums too. I definitely had a drink last night!
He's back in reception but in the other class. He has gone from doing 4 days to 5 so that may be part of it. I also think that socially/emotionally he's at that 3 year old boundary pushing stage just with the strength of a 6 year old.
He walloped me so hard around the ear yesterday I couldn't hear for 10 mins, picking him up from school was a nightmare lots of head butting, biting and slapping. There were about 4 other parents watching it all play out, which made it so much worse. I had a proper cry when I got home!
Hopefully today will be better!

We discussed moving him to a special school in his EHCP review meeting and to be honest this year is sort of proving the point. Having said that what I'm struggling to find is one that can provide enough academic achievement so that ds doesn't get bored.

liv and danni I’m so sorry you’re having a difficult time with awful behaviour. I hope that it’s temporary and settles down soon.

liv I hadn’t realised your ds had moved into the other reception class, so still a lot of change for him to cope with too. Does he have the same 1:1?

danni you must dread pick up with that greeting every day! At ds’ nursery there was a child that cried every day when it was time to leave. I don’t think it was a reflection of his home life just that he enjoyed nursery.

liv is the autism school near you? Do let us know what it’s like. There’s one about 12 miles from us (though rubbish route down busy A road) but a friend of mine has not heard good things about it. A secondary school closer is supposed to be building an autism unit so that could prove interesting in the coming years.

I'm struggling to find is one that can provide enough academic achievement so that ds doesn't get bored

That’s the holy grail for many dc isn’t it, balancing the academics with pastoral care.

I finished Uniquely Human and it was really good. So many interesting points that I could post. Definitely give it a go if you have the time. I’m going to go back and reread it soon.

children who appear more challenged (and therefore need more support) early in their lives often make wonderful developmental progress over time. this was encouraging I thought.

Ds did pretty well yesterday after his very early start. He lost it at around 6:45 when dh got home and was asleep by 7:30. Last night he woke around midnight, unsettled after a dream I think and thrashed around for a while, but went back to sleep after about 15 mins and slept until nearly 6am.

His morning TA said he’d had a good morning and did his best English work so far. I don’t know what it was as ds is always keen to get off for circuits and doesn’t like to hang around. I’m enjoying it while it lasts!

That sounds like a pretty good night's sleep for him open. I'm glad he seems more keen to go into school. Love the quote from the book about the challenging behaviour! I will hold onto that in my bad moments.

The autism school is brand new, opened this September and goes from reception right through to 19. It's not massively far but if he went there we would have to get transport for him as I wouldn't be able to do drop offs/pick ups.

Yes he still has the same 1:1 as last year.

The autism school is brand new, opened this September and goes from reception right through to 19. It's not massively far but if he went there we would have to get transport for him as I wouldn't be able to do drop offs/pick ups.

I would snatch this opportunity so quick liv. Hope you get a place!! X

liv it sounds promising, I hope you like it and that they have places. It would certainly be nice not to have to worry about the transition to secondary school.

Yes, he’s had a couple of 6ish wakes this last week. Coupled with a wake in the night but I’ll take that over a ridiculous o’clock start. Still usually he’d still wake early even when awake in the night. I won’t get my hopes up just yet though

Sleeping until 6am sounds good! In our house it is DS who is waking me up at the moment, not DD. Most nights comes into my bed between midnight and 4am. I'm a very heavy sleeper so was failing to put him back in his bed and as a result getting very bad sleep from that point on (he does go back to sleep but thrashes about a lot - normal toddler stuff). OH came up with the idea I could close my door and it's working in that it's waking me up more before he arrives with me, so I can check the time and if it's before 6am I'm putting him back in bed. He actually didn't arrive until 6am this morning so I'm hoping it's working a bit but probably too soon to tell!!

The autism school sounds quite promising liv especially if he's struggling? I hope the visit goes well. Sounds like he is very stressed/anxious at the moment. I do think Yr1 is a massive leap even for NT children (certainly DD's TA said lots of them are struggling). DD is doing well in school but when she gets home she is definitely very tired and we get lots of anxious/controlling behaviour around bedtime. I'm still hoping things will settle a bit, though part of me thinks I am always coming up for reasons why things are temporary that actually cover the whole year ("it's new/a tricky transition", "it's the end of half term, they're tired", "it's the holiday, they're unsettled by loss of routine", and on and on!)

Sorry to hear pick ups are hard danni: I'm sure it's just because he was in the routine of beach/park and misses it, but the weather has been SOOO awful the last couple of weeks, I'm not surprised you haven't made it! Hopefully he'll settle into his new routine soon.

Anyway, long may the (relatively) good sleep last open. Sending sleepy vibes to you and everyone else...

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Hi everyone, I think I’ve just about caught up with roughly where people are at - where did September go?! The autism school sounds promising @livpotter especially if it runs up to 19years. Hopefully when you visit you’ll get a good sense of what is right for your ds, it’ll be different for different people I’m sure.

I think broken nights sleeps are the cruellest blow on top of really tricky behaviour, ds has always been a great sleeper and I am very aware that we are very blessed in that respect. I think it’s part of his complete adherence to routine, he gets really (really!) angry with me if he wakes early and I go in and tell him he can get out of bed before his gro clock turns to the sunshine. I’m not even allowed to force it to come on, I have to manipulate the time to 2 mins before the sunshine is due on and then act surprised that it’s come on so soon! He’s such a quirky one. Baby is due in about 1-2 weeks, looking forward to getting it out of me! But fully aware that I’ll be joining the army of 5am mums on MN!

Ds has had a difficult few days at school, tripped and smashed his chin in and it’s been downhill from there. Really fussy, really quickly panicked, so rigid in his routine to the point of being so rude to others. I think currently his ASD is a little “hidden” to many parents, I’m sure those who know and have experience would see it, and I’ve told a few people as it’s come up. But I’m sure that many parents just think I have a rude, obnoxious little boy who I let walk all over me and hit me. I nearly burst into tears this morning when I warned the teacher he was highly strung today, she wanted to have a conversation about why but I knew I’d breakdown so just brushed it off with some generic comments. Urgh. Parenting. Rant over xx

Finger's crosses that he sleeps for longer tonight light. In a similar situation here, it's usually dd that wakes me up not ds. Would be lovely if they could keep to the same schedule! Thanks for the sleepy wishes.

Oh Wow jeb. Hope all goes well with the new baby. I do not envy you the sleepless nights. Hopefully you'll get a brilliant sleeper!
I'm sorry your ds has had a difficult few days. It's so hard explaining things when you are already emotional. I think it's good for teachers to see us as human though.

@Jeb86 SOOO glad it’s not just my DD with the groclock thing! My god, even if I make a noise before it’s yellow I get a telling off over the monitor! I sneak the time back an hour sometimes at weekends just to be sure of getting an hour of blissful coffee time!

The autism school sounds great @livpotter. There’s one nearish to us that’s opened this September, in west Cumbria. I’ve got my eye on it but not sure if it would be right for DD. We’re going to be trialling days in a small mainstream school over the next few months just to see how she copes with the whole set up. She’s still burying herself away in dens, not going to the loo all day...not sure if it will transfer to a more rigid setting. Time will tell; I don’t want to throw too much at her at the mo as where she is now is really helpful in terms of social/emotional/making friends priorities over academia.
Hope everyone else is OK; busy and stressed times but with happiness in there too I hope.

Sorry that Year One seems to have brought more challenging behaviours for many.

Watching DS jumping on the trampoline yesterday evening I thought that things were settling down. I went to get my drink from the kitchen and returned to find that DS had let himself out of the garden and was running down the lane - we haven't had this before ..

Today DS has gone bowling with some of the other SN children from school at a county organised event. He was v tearful this morning. It made me sad that this outing planned as a treat was actually making him v anxious. I think he will have probably enjoyed it ....his cousins and his new favourite person in his class are going.

I watched this today, it’s a C4 segment about a school for autistic girls.
m.youtube.com/watch?v=Iy3jYIqRIJg

That must have been scary dimples, good job you discovered him quickly. We are pretty locked down here but ds still climbs on the back gate to look over it. I can only hope he becomes more sensible before he gets big enough to climb over.

I hope your ds enjoyed his bowling.

Furry it sounds like slowly slowly is the way to go. I forget what year she is?

Jeb I hope your week gets better. Pregnancy hormones will likely make you more tearful at the moment.

Light sometimes a phase just starts to feel like the new normal doesn’t it. You’re never quite sure until you come out the other side, or not.

That's a nice video open! The head and some of the girls were at a conference I went to earlier in the year and it's clearly a great place for them - they're a very fun group of girls and the head seems like the headteacher we all would have loved to have! I need to look at whether that might be an option for DD later on - definitely the kind of place that would be worth moving house for if she needed it! Though I suspect it's probably massively oversubscribed, so you may need to hit really big problems to get in. Anyway, good to know it exists!

Exciting you are so close to delivery day Jeb! Have you got some good options for looking after DS while you're in hospital? I was always so desperate to not be pregnant that the newborn phase just felt such a relief by comparison (tiring, but joyful!) But I know it's not like that for everybody. Fingers crossed it is for you!

Good to hear DD's setting is suiting her Furry. If she's anything like my DD then hopefully the academics may not be too hard when they do come: it's very noticeable that it's the more social days and events that wear her out. DD doesn't really need any pushing at school and I actually think it would be counter-productive - she's better under her own steam.

Hope DS enjoyed his trip in the end dimples. I wonder if that was linked to him running off? Hopefully he'll settle down again and will have enjoyed the trip once he got there and got settled.

I hope my sleepy vibes worked for somebody. I was woken up at 5 by a wet DS with a wet bed (somehow!! nappy fail!) so that was a joy (and then obviously I let him sleep in mine despite having remade his because I am a sucker).

Light there’s probably a need for lots more schools like that, for boys and girls. Hopefully your dd will never be in such a troubling place emotionally. Without diagnoses these girls must have really struggled.

Liv and danni sorry behaviour is challenging for you, this half term is so hard for them all and will probably not help with behaviour. DD has lashed out a me too at times when she's frustrated. She then gets upset for hurting me and cries and cries.

Liv that school sounds like a great opportunity, hope you can get a place for DS.

Dimples that must have been terrifying! DD once let herself out of the gate and crossed the road. So scary!

Jeb hope last weeks before baby goes well. Hope your DS had a better day today.

Open I need to watch that video, sounds intersting. I had an interesting training course on Monday (though work) which was all about helping young people Autism and Anxiety to manage in mainstream school. I will try to post some about more about it later. There is defiantly a need for more ASD schools!

Harley oh dear, hope the staff in Tesco were sympathetic and helpful. We've left the shops without the items we came for many a times. I have given up on shopping now and get Ocado to come once a week instead!

Lottie Welcome!

Furrycat Hope your DD gets on ok with the trial days.

LightTripper Thanks for the sleepy vibes, Dd still came in at 11 pm last night but then slept until 6, which is very good. Hope your DS has a better, less wet, night.

Will post more later as DD wants dinner now!

Argh! Many typos! Defiantfly?! I meant definitely!

Managed to drop DS tonight (big head bump... seems fine but doubtless I will be paranoid-prodding him tonight instead of letting him sleep, if he deigns to sleep!) Also shouted at DD. Oh dear. Parenting fail x 2.

Bedtime ended nicely at least but it is hard managing both of them when DD turns into a whirling dervish and is absolutely focused on getting DS involved in the mayhem. I mean, in a way it's lovely that she wants to interact, right? But even my Pollyanna self struggles to see that in the midst of it!

Anyway, now I have a cup of tea and catching up on some work on the laptop, which counts for relaxation these days .

Glad the SleepyVibes generated 7 hours LittleSwede, that's not too bad! Highly survivable . Here are some more for luck...

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I hope ds slept well Light and had no ill effects from his fall.

Can you preempt the bedtime mayhem by scheduling it earlier? You could create a playlist and put it on after dinner or before bath time and all be silly together to get the wiggles out. End it with a calming track or two before you go upstairs. A bounce on an indoor trampoline might be effective too.

We have the harvest festival service in the church today. Ds has managed to miss the last couple due to illness or school refusal so hopefully it will go well.

LittleSwede your training course sounds interesting.

LightTripper Hope your DS is ok and you had a better night. Last summer I dropped DD head first onto a hard floor when trying to transfer her from my lap to her bed after she fell asleep!

Hope the Harvest festival went well open.

DD is coming though to our room every night at the moment and won't fall asleep unless she has milk whilst sitting on my lap, meaning I have ti sit up for ages before carefully transferring her from lap to bed. By which time I find it hard to go back to sleep. It's been like this for years but we usually have a couple of nights a week when she sleep through. I don't think she's slept though more than once since starting school.

She seems to be doing ok whilst at school but is having melt downs at home and is biting and pulling at her nails so is clearly affected by it. Still not getting any particular support at lunch time but seems to be spending some time on her body roller, in the sensory tent and on the new mini trampoline every day so they are making some adjustments.

The course I went on was partially to raise awareness in schools of what they can (should be doing) do to help keeping SN kids in school with the right adjustments and support. Apart form the 'usual' provision of sensory rooms, tents, time out cards etc there was also suggestions about making timetables individual and suitable to students at GCSE level. Communication between school, parents, professionals and the student itself was also key. Making the child/student feel valued, listened to and included in decisions was highlighted as helping to reduce anxiety and stress.

The Dept Head form our local PRU (one that specialises in ASD and Anxiety - we also have another more 'traditional' PRU locally) held a presentation about how they worked, which included all students having individual timetables, a personal mentor, GCSE subjects and vocational subjects to suit the individual etc. Sounded amazing! Sadly the students who end up there have already been through the mill with school refusals due to lack of provision etc.

Although it is positive that there is a drive to make mainstream schools more aware of how to provide for ASD, there is probably still a massive need for actual ASD schools for children without LD or MLD (as the ones on our county seems to be mostly for LD/MLD). ASD alone doesn't seem to warrant specialist provision here, despite many children with ASD not coping in MS. maybe some of the schools have ASD units? I think I need to look this up!

Hope that wasn't too pessimistic by the way! I sometimes think that because I work with kids out of school, and probably only really see the worst case scenarios, I look at things from a negatively tinted angle.

Must remind myself that there are loads of ASD kids who cope brilliantly and thrive in MS school and go on to do great things!

LittleSwede can you remind me what your job is please?

I’m sorry that your dd is so anxious after school. It must be so hard to see her like that. What do you think the school could be doing for her but aren’t? Have you been able to discuss it with them? It sounds like they need to go on the same course you did. Thankfully half term is not far off.

The harvest festival went well and I think he had a decent day overall. Early start today though, he’s been awake since 3am. Thankfully we have no specific plans today.