Auties transition to Year 1 - thread 3

[LightTripper]

This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of autistic children in reception year at school, going into Year 1 in the autumn. All welcome (also parents with older or younger children who want to ask questions or share their wisdom!)

Welcome!

danni your Peppa Pig post made me laugh out loud

And Harley I agree with danni‘s froot loops verdict on your dc’s school. They sound completely incompetent. Your 4yo would probably thrive elsewhere too.

Harley my ds used push scissors for quite some time. They really helped and now his hands are stronger he uses proper scissors.

peta-uk.com/product-category/scissors/

Jamhandprints welcome. I’m sorry your dh is not being supportive. Does your ds have an EHCP or any other support in place?

@openupmyeagereyes thank you them scissors could just be the ticket to help ds.

Harley I bought two pairs and took one pair into school for ds to use there.

My school are pretty good but it helps that we have a private OT that goes there fortnightly so they do what she says, the scissors were recommended by her. Your school may not be quite so accommodating.

Is he left or right handed?

No i can't see them being accommodating to be honest @open hes mostly right handed but has been know to swap hands or even have a pen in each hand.

Ds has changed 3 times this morning hes in such turmoil over the uniform. He has uniform on.

Does he have sensory issues with the uniform?

Oh your poor DS Harley. Was he OK in the end? Are there simpler versions of it he might wear more happily (e.g. joggers/t-shirt/jumper in the right colours)?

Welcome to the thread Jamhandprints! Sorry your DS is struggling with Year 1 too. I do think it's a huge leap up from reception. I've been quite taken aback by how exhausted DD has been. I was too complacent going into the year in retrospect.

Sorry your DH thinks you're being soft. It's just a totally different kind of parenting isn't it? And what's the alternative? I haven't read the book, but there's a nice quote from the guy who wrote "The Explosive Child" that goes along the lines of "if a person can do well they will", which I think is always good to bear in mind. I'm all about trying to understand triggers and barriers and removing them - but I can see that may well seem "soft" to an outside view. We do sometimes try to nudge DD to do things outside her comfort zone - but so much of the world is automatically outside her comfort zone that honestly I feel that dealing with school and general life demands (getting dressed, putting PJs on, eating, etc.) is already taking up quite a lot of the energy she has and it's unfair and counterproductive to pile more on. Do you think your DH could have autistic traits himself? I do and I think it's one reason it took me a long time to see DD's autism (and honestly I still forget about it quite often and then find myself being surprised when she loses it - which I really shouldn't have been).

DD skipped ballet yesterday and we had a so much better bedtime I can't really even explain. Hopefully she'll be able to settle into a more relaxed routine if we just dial down playdates and weekend stuff, but still considering dropping Lego or Ballet if she still seems too exhausted. She's at end of term levels of tiredness and we're still only at the start of term!

School photographer today, but she knows she doesn't have to have hers taken. I really would love her to be in the class photo, but I don't suppose she will. She did let me take a photo of her in her uniform at home this morning, so that was nice .

danni totally want to see the Daddy Pig impression now! New career beckons???

@openupmyeagereyes yes he does have sensory issues with the uniform to be honest its not just uniform theres lots of clothes he won't wear. He's always struggled with it even last year he struggled but he seemed to tolerate thongs alot better last year this year it all seems far worse for him.

@LightTipper no the school won't allow it as it isn't fair on the other children his he weres grey joggers the only time he wears differnt is summer as ds has photosensativity so has to be cover and you can't get the yellow tshirts in long sleeve only blue and white and as the schools jumper is blue they allow the blue. But i say all this but when he poos and wees they end up having to change him into joggers as we onky have 2 pairs of school trousers.

Harley when I went to the open day at my son’s school the head teacher said that they teach the children that fair isn’t everybody getting the same thing, it’s everybody getting what they need to be successful (or maybe some other word at the end) and it is so true. Allowing your ds to wear something more comfortable for him in the school uniform colours is what’s called a reasonable adjustment. Have you spoken to the SENCO about it?

Light I’m glad your dd had a better evening. Hopefully dialling back a bit will help.

I just wrote a long rant and then deleted it, but it was basically exactly what open said. The other children don't have sensory issues. Do we not spend money on ramps because it's not fair on people who don't use wheelchairs? Should we say no children should be allowed to wear glasses because it's unfair to the ones that don't need them?

Comfortable clothes in school colours must be well within the bounds of reasonable adjustment.

I love that quote from the HT open and it's great that she set it out front and centre, right from the offset!

@openupmyeagereyes thats so lovely. Its the senco i have been speaking to about the issues. Its very apparent they really dont get it at all. I agree with the statement about whats fair. Children need to learn that and unfortunately this school doesn't believe that. A teacher comment the other day about a little girl whos washer broke with her uniform in it so had to come school in other clothes school gave her her pe kit to wear instead and the teacher said thats better nearly the same as everyone else. Sometimes think to my self can't they be greatful in certain sitiations that the children are at school!

@LightTipper i honestly agree with you.

I would love to move ds schools but when i was orginally looking for schools unofficially no school wanted ds this was the only school that never said that and i can't help but wonder what a school that didn't want him in the first place would be like with this one being so bad. His toileting habits is what everyone has a problem with.

I agree, the priority is that children are in school. I’m sorry your school is not supportive Harley, it must be soul destroying.

Yes, our HT is very good. Frankly the whole school is very accommodating to my ds’ needs and little eccentricities. So far anyway, touch wood, though I’ve no idea how fair the other children think it is.

Thanks everyone! I hope you and DC all had a good day.
@danni0509 no diagnosis yet, we're still on the waiting list. The HV suspected PDA, Speech Therapist said Autism and did the referral, paed1 said maybe Autism, definitely Anxiety, paed2 said Attachment Disorder... but he has the symptoms of PDA.
No EHCP yet either but the school is applying for one. The Ed Psych is coming in soon.
@LightTripper I've heard of that book before, I might get it. Yes, thats a good point. I think DH is pretty similar to DS in some ways, just not as extreme. But our other DS has sensory issues and the two together can get quite lively and can look wild, so DH has always been worried it's our (mostly my) fault. Now we know ore about their issues he is normally better but when DS has a bad day he always turns on me and says "well, your way isn't working" or "this is because we pander to him"...
@Harleyisme you might find other schools were reluctant because they understood more and knew that more support would be needed. Whereas the current school said yes because they didn't really care. So still worth revisiting.

I am re-reading the Explosive Child at the moment. I think that the author does put it well Light -kids do well if they can. Our children are lacking the skills not to be challenging.

DS is also finding year one exhausting. I think we're going to have to knock swimming lessons on hold for now - he managed fine last year but last week on the way to the class (which starts at 5) he fell asleep and this week he refused to get in the pool (he loves being in the pool normally).

In more positive news he got a HT award for excellent reading and his 1:1 said that he is managing to sit at the table and work for longer periods.

Danni I loved your Peppa Pig story.

I had my hair done today and when I collected DS from school he said, 'what has happened to your hair'!

That's tough @Jamhandprints though I'm glad it's getting better. My OH and I also have quite different parenting approaches. I probably am too "soft" because often when OH or our nanny gives DD a push to do something she actually can do it and often comes to really love it. If it were left to me I know for sure she wouldn't have half the physical skills she has and I suspect that would have held her back socially too (as she would have found it harder to join in if she couldn't climb a climbing frame and ride a bike).

On the other hand the plus side of my approach is I am very patient and calm and I think if you're not you often just add fuel to the fire.

But then sometimes maybe our kids need to know when they've crossed a line: after all they are still 5 year olds too.

So I think it's a difficult balance. OH and I have found it easier since we acknowledged our differences and agreed to try to parent more "to the middle". So I will try to be a bit firmer than I naturally would be and push DD a bit more, and OH will try to be a bit more accommodating and patient than he usually would be. Honestly I find it quite hard and I know he does too but we try.

We still parent differently, but I think seeing the other parent trying to compromise really helps, and hopefully provides more consistent parenting for our DC too (though I suspect different approaches from Mum and Dad aren't too damaging as long as you're not undercutting each other).

In more positive news he got a HT award for excellent reading and his 1:1 said that he is managing to sit at the table and work for longer periods.

That’s fantastic, well done him

Thanks Open.

I hope everyone is having a good week, it’s nearly Friday!

Ds still keen to go in for circuits but he spent half the afternoon out in the playground this afternoon (he occasionally joins other classes PE lessons ).

I suppose that I shouldn’t be too upset about that since I believe that all children should get more outdoor time and spend less time at desks but there’s the worry about whether he falls further behind. Arguably the 1:1 support means that he should be able to get through his work faster but who knows how productive his mornings are. I’m trying to get a meeting with the teacher and SENCO around half term time to see how he’s getting on.

The new teacher is not very communicative. I’m not used to this as both teachers in reception emailed me regularly about issues or queries. The other parents are finding it a bit frustrating too.

Dimples whoop whoop for HT award for excellent reading! That is great. Am going to revisit The Explosive Child too. Sounds like Y1 is vry tiring for the DC's.

Welcome jamhandprints! I seem to remember the paediatrician who dxed DD saying something about it sometimes taking a bit longer for the fathers to accept diagnosis and alter parenting accordingly. Hope things improve with time.

Openupmyeagereyes Sorry to hear new teacher is less reliable with communication. It must be frustrating not knowing how your DS is doing. Hopefully the meeting with Senco and teacher will bring some light as to what is going on. Good that he is enjoying his circuits and getting fresh air!

LightTripper Hope your DD continues to have better bedtimes woth the dropping of some activities. My DD is currently very high strung too and having outburst for very minor things.

Danni Love the Daddy Pig routine! That made me smile.

Harley Sorry things are so difficult with the school. Agree with others that your other DC will probably thrive in another school too.

We've nearly made it through a totally mad week with DD's party Sunday (which went really well!), her actual birthday Monday (also went well), my (big) birthday Tuesday, Birthday Assembly today and my DM staying with us until today. Very high strung today but that is understandable! So relived the party went well and that DD actually enjoyed it. Will see how tomorrow goes, she was exhausted today. Looking forward to a quiet weekend.

Oh and I still don't quite know what is happening at lunchtime. The Senco was adamant that DD is sitting with the three boys and their 1:1 but her teacher said differently. DD said she sat with a grown up yesterday but couldn't remember where she sat today when I asked her(very tired).

@dimples76 yayyy well done on your ds's head teacher award well done on the reading.

@openupmyeagereyes this might be a stupid question but what are the curcuits? I hope the teacher starts to communicate a little better.

@LightTripper i hope bedtimes are still going really well.

@littleswede glad all the birthday celebrations for you and dd went well. Hopefully you get an idea about whats happening at lunch soon.

Ds put his uniform on this morning then cried and said it was hurting so changed into normal clothes and for the first time ever no one said anything!
I am having more and more concerned parents coming up to me asking about ds as there children comment how sad and upset quite and withdrawn ds is now in school compared to last year. I am requesting a meeting asap we are losing my boy!