Our lives have become miserable

[Blossom4538]

Our Dd with ASD is struggling, we’re struggling, everything is so up and down, stressful and depressing. We try so hard to help DD but she is awful to us - horrendous. I appreciate she is struggling at school and things are hard for her but she is just so aggressive. H seems at breaking point and I’m on anti-depressants. The past few years have been so hard but the past month, horrible. I also find it hard seeing what other children can do and cope with.

Everything is so miserable.

Apologies, rant over 😢

I feel your pain. I've been there too and am still there. Not sure how old your DD is but my poor child was labelled ASD rather harshly. This is a very bright and formerly very loving and kind fun kid with lots of friends. Very very high functioning and I'm not convinced the ASD diagnosis has been helpful if even accurate but that's now another story. Some years later my child has zero confidence, zero friends, very low self esteem and uses the ASD label to blame everything. Just to say that my child was diagnosed on the cusp of adolescence. Had I been aware of how the brain develops during adolescence, things may have been handled differently. We struggle on however with ups and downs. Do take time to research the brain development of teenagers, ways to motivate them and how pivotel your role as main care giver is. Your family and DD will emerge. It is a horrible confusing time for DD. I can't imagine myself coping with adolescence with the added stress of trying to interpret my Identity as ASD. Imagine what your poor child feels. It's hard for her and you too I know. Love, support and patience is the best advice I can give together with a good understanding of the growing brain. No one will ever know your child better than you. All the best.

OK, you can of course ignore this if its totally inappropriate, but my dd became a much happier person when she moved school. She was so incredibly unhappy and broken, and that as you say affects everyone.

But of course as lavender says, we can't take away things like puberty.

Poor all of you. I found it is completely true that you can only be as happy as your unhappiest child.

yes we are all rather miserable as a result of some of the things we have to go through and deal with. Its tough.

It sounds to me as if school are not meeting her needs properly if she is so stressed and angry. What do staff at school say?

I second what previous poster said about moving school. I was so scared moving my ds would be the worst thing I had ever done, but it worked out great. He has thrived in the new school. Best thing I did for him. Now I need to make sure I find the right secondary for him.

School are being amazing and are well known locally for their SEN support. EHCP application underway now. She does struggle with it all though and I think we are dealing with a lot of PDA traits which are becoming severe at home. She is also becoming terribly rude to us - how do I effectively encourage her to be more respectful, talk to us nicely, not swear and tell us to shut up?

Good luck Blossom.
I just want to say that having spent a lot of time with a very helpful and level headed, calm team made up of psychologists and a paediatrician, I have learnt from my own experience that there is sometimes "too much" information out there and that however well intended parents are, they can over analyse their kids and kids can on occasion be over assessed and over diagnosed. In fact I have learnt that psychologists are often in therapy themselves. All that over analysing.....
Goodluck.