I just don't want DS to go to a special school

[drspouse]

I just don't.
That's been my feeling all along and it's still my feeling.
School want him out, preferably yesterday.
They are stopping him from doing after school clubs (we think this is discrimination). We suspect they may stop him from going on outings too.
He has ADHD and is impulsive and not learning because he can't pay attention. He has a 1:1 and is awaiting an EHCP. School want us to find a special school NOW and name it in the EHCP (we can't even get appointments to see any before the panel meets).
There are 3 possible special schools, all independent, all a long drive, he gets carsick. They are all tiny and cover a huge age range so there will be max 3 children in his peer group and they won't live near us.
I just don't want to do this. I want him to be in his local, community school with his sister and his friends. School say he has no friends. That's why he gave his friend a huge hug in the playground this morning, I suppose, then. OK, it was a very overwhelming hug and I had to remind him to ask people first if they want a hug, but he says he has friends, and this particular boy has been his friend since Reception.

We've actually seen two possible schools!
One is an independent special school and one is a teeny tiny mainstream RI village school with a brand new head.
Both had a good feel and the HT of the village school is a fairly experienced SENCO.
Points in favour of the special school: specialist obviously, more staff, sightly smaller classes (but only slightly).

Points in favour of village school: has KS1 (HT says it might be possible to do another year in KS1 then 3 years in KS2, DS is very happy playing with younger children, and he struggles a lot with older children - he'd be the youngest at the special school).
Has more outdoor space and huge classrooms, lots of spare rooms for break out etc.
Much closer and has after school club so a much more normal school experience where we can drop off, pick up, talk to teachers - and no car sickness.

I can really see him at either but it depends on funding. Plan is I think we'll push for funding for the village school (as it's more complex with different packages) and if we then decide to go for the independent school that's a single funding decision. I know the village school can't "top up" e.g. a TA salary. I need to know the magic words that go into the EHCP for them to pay everything and the school nothing!

We have a small town school to see too (mainstream with a SEN unit, wrong specialism but some strategies may work with DS, some children may have overlapping issues). If that one is also possible it may be the best one.

Need to work out how to get school to tell him NICELY they don't want him any more. This is on them, not us.

Oh and I can't remember if I said but he's in the middle of a similar assessment through the ASF - stumbling block is currently DS' cooperation with the assessor.

That sounds positive. Its hood to have seen some options.

Oh and the special school said "our aim is to get them to mainstream but not everyone can" which sounds like a good balance.

Thats such good news. Now you have a plan to fight for.

@drspouse how are things going with your ds and school now?

He's doing much better at current school, though they are minimising his success.
We saw a lovely encouraging village school with loads of outdoor space, small class sizes etc. and they seem to be willing to give it a go.

Because we don't feel that the best of the 3 SEMH schools is right for him now (as he'd be the youngest, and he copes better with being around younger children, being a) immature and b) protective), this could be the school that's his "right now" school rather than his "right forever school".

We had our completely vague and useless EHCP through and we have a TAF meeting which is supposed to be clarifying what's on it. As the OT and EP reports were also vaguer than a vague thing, I have put together ALLLLLLL my research on what there is that may work with him (thanks MN and FB SEN parents especially those that are also professionals) and also the case law on section E and F which are the worst bits. I have sent the TAF meeting attendees 7 pages of notes with a link to a folder of evidence. I hope they all have a nice weekend.