Excluded from school. Year 1 aged 6.

[ItsTheGinTalking]

Hi everyone

Been a while since I posted on MN. But I've never posted in this group before.
My 6 yr old child is struggling at school socially. He had a referral to cahms in, referral to Educational Pyschologist, Community Peadiateician, CFIT and a few others

He hits other children, kicks, nips, shouts.
This started at the back end of reception class. I noticed stuff at home and mentioned to school but because he didn't show the behaviour they didn't say or do anything.

Now he is terrorising the class. He has an IEP in place and does anger management with WESAIL through the local council.

Academically he is doing well and is on year 2 reading books, is brilliantat maths and spelling. But socially is where he lets himself down as school say.

He prefers 1-1 support so will do something in class that gets him removed because he likes to sit in the headteacher or the deputy heads office be cause it's quiet and he has that 1-1 support.

He prefers adult company and has said many times he's hates other kids especially his age or younger.
He has been brought up with older brothers and adults.

On Friday at 2.25 I got a phone call to say could I go to school asap...He has been excluded for 1.5 days and is not allowed back till Tuesday as the 1.5 has been included with Friday

I have reintergrating meeting at 3.15 on Tuesday when I collect him. But is there anything I need to ask or question?

TIA

Should also sat school have placed him on their SEN register.

If they go ahead and reintegrate him w no extra support in place it's likely the same thing will happen. So Id want to know what triggered the latest incident and what is being put in place to stop it happening again.

Do you think that this school would be the best place for him, if they put the right support in place, or do you think the gap bw what he needs and what they can offer is too large?

I have been through this with both my ds's.

The re-integration meeting should be about what support they can put in place to prevent a reoccurence.

For my two school did the following.

Written record of behavioural incidents (you will need this as evidence to show extra support is needed). It will also help the school identify trigger points e.g. if there are certain times or lessons where behavioural incidents occur more often.
Individual Behaviour Plan which should include things like how to avoid known triggers, warning signs an explosion is imminent and what to do if an explosion happens.
A home-school behaviour was very useful with ds1. It was done very positively to tell him when he was doing things right rather than wrong to reduce anxiety. (it did not work for ds2 because his teacher used it to let off steam about all his evil doings)
A sensory audit of the classroom may be helpful - if he likes being sent to a quiet place is it because the classroom is too noisy or chaotic for him. By careful placement in the classroom this can be reduced a little although there is a limit as to what can be done.
It might be helpful for school to refer him for a SALT assessment. (if this is not on the list already) it maybe that even if he is bright he has problems processing language or with social communication.

School could try and get him to use a "safe space" that he can go to when he is feeling stressed (i.e. before the behavioural incident). Easier said than done - it has taken till fifteen for ds1 to be able to do this!

School could identify calming strategies for your ds. For mine this ironically would be distracting them with difficult work or giving them the opportunity for physical exercise.

Above all you need to get school to understand that this behaviour is likely due to stress rather than naughtiness and strategies that will help will be those that reduce his stress rather than punishments which may well increase it.

Sorry for not coming back to this thread.

Since I last posted this post we are now on 6 exclusions. He is now on a partial timetable doing 2 hours a day until the end of term.

We have had a paediatrician appointment this morning and they want to see him again in 4-6 months. He said he wants reports of how he settles in year 2 and see his sensory processing report that school have not yet finalised.
He said it could be autism but he wants to doing another initial assessment nearer Christmas.

School are applying for ehcp which will go in in September according to the head.
School came along to the appointment which was good of them.

This sounds exactly like my son in year 2. We got to 8 exclusions and a reduced timetable that saw no sign of improving and lots of 'we're doing the best we can' from the school while waiting for an EHCP etc and we d had enough. We removed him with CAMHS backing and he's been at home since end of September.

He got a diagnosis of high functioning autism, had CAMHS input to undo all the school trauma (the behaviour is communication for distress and we've only realised the extent of it when he came out. I'm very sad we left it too long), lots of rebuilding and forgetting and learning to like himself again. Lots of active sensory work too.

He's starting in a high functioning class in an ASD school in September (not being in school bumped him up the waiting list) and transition sessions are going really well. The environment and the understanding needed to change, not him.

Wish it was that easy. I have to now take him through the office entrance away from his class as he doesnt not want people to look at him. The parents eyes are on me too when we do go in the class entrance, hate judgemental parents.