The way she talks to us?!

[Blossom4538]

Is there any way we can stop this? Dd with high functioning ASD is 7 - she can go from being happy, to saying she hates us to death and her favourite is referring to us as “idiot”.

Nothing I’ve done to address this over the last couple of years has helped.
:-(

Thanks

Unfortunately I don't have any good advice to stop it, but just wanted to say that my daughter was the same. It's a way of letting out her frustrations at the people she knows it is safe to do so with. If it's any comfort my daughter hardly ever lashes out in this way any more now that she is more able to explain her anxiety and frustration.

We have the same thing with my DS. No magic solutions, but as Moon5 said, the better their communication gets, the less frustration there is and the outbursts decrease.

ah well, it could be worse. ds is worse. much worse. and loud. though this is an imporvement on hitting, spitting, biting, kicking, headbutting scratching and anything else he could do to inflict pain on me.

consequences are loss of computer time.

he does sometimes try to control his outbursts and is praised a lot for it.

and we are still working on the langauge.

@trying, I have to bring the right snack with me to school to ward off outbursts lik that.

Similar to Blackeyed, I find the foul language so much of an improvement in violence, and it’s evident that DS is actually restraining himself when he doesn’t hit and run off. So I have probably tolerated it too much.

My son doesn't have autism, but he's neurodiverse ( has an EHCP) and I'm a psychologist by profession. We get this quite often, but not constantly, as do other parents I know. It is really hard not to feel hurt by the language ( at the moment his favourites are 'you're a bully', 'I'll kill you one day' and 'you need to leave this family' and idiot is also a favourite). Hard as it is to believe at the time, it's not personal, it's a response to tiredness, hunger, frustration and feeling overwhelmed. For us too, an after school snack helps and our son is now developing the ability to reflect on how what has happened at school affects his emotional state. But only sometimes. If a child is struggling to understand and communicate their difficult feelings, one response is to speak in an extreme way that makes their caregiver feel some of the feelings the child is experiencing. As a psychologist I sometimes suggest using Zones of Regulation to help a child communicate their experience and social stories to help them to understand the impact of their words. Sensory toys and psychical exercises can help with this too. As a mum, you have my sympathy, it's really hard 😔

Like Springer, for us, the language came when the biting and spitting faded away, so I guess that's a plus!

I am mostly ok not being hurt by the language and abuse. there are a few triggers, usually about spending money on stuff, as if we have a magic money tree and can afford anyting he desires and implying htat I don't spend anything on him at all at the moment. particularly bad if he presses that button as I am navigating a tricky cross over junction/roundabout where traffic is going in about 5o directions at once an inch from your bumper.

Think there's an element of this about that age in even NT children. DD1, who is nearly 7 (and I suspect has at least ASD traits, personally I think she's just a very good social masker so it'll all go to pot and we'll get a diagnosis in future years) has discovered the whole "I hate you... I wish you were dead... when you're dead I'm going to drink Costa Coffee all day... you're the worst mother I've ever had" routine recently. It marks a change from her getting physically aggressive so I think it's just the latest way she's trying to get a reaction. We're gradually moving into spitting territory at the moment as well (thankfully her aim is shit).

Like I say - no formal diagnosis - just a strong suspicion I've had for years but everyone I know is complaining about the vileness and hurtful comments coming from their kids at present too.

If I ever stop posting though I've probably been brutally murdered by my daughter in some kind of plot for her to move into Costa Coffee (I had to laugh at that one)