Do you think we parents of "Special Needs" children are more likely to be smokers?

[adamadamum]

Please, no self rightious (SP) posts, we all know the stresses. It must be nice for you non smokers to not have this addiction, but please be sensitive! I used to smoke a little before having my DD (managed to cut down to a couple a day whilst PG) but the stress of all the extra problems and worries makes giving up low on my list of priorities!

I don't smoke in front of the kids, rarely even have one in the daytime, but when they are in bed I use it as part of my unwinding process I suppose. Plus at any really stressful times I feel much worse if I can't sneak away for one, feel immediately calmer afterwards. The stress is just too much to think about giving up but I sometimes feel like I must be considered a terrible, selfish, dirty person because of it. I am one of the people you will see at night outside the hospital, stressed, fag in hand, then waiting for ages to be let in again!

And can anyone send me a few virtual ciggies please? I have run out and have had a very, very stressful day, have even lost my Nicorrette Inhalator thing somewhere (Yes of course it's out of the kids reach but I have a lot of hiding places...!) Thanks xx

In my experience as they get older and wiser they tell you not to smoke. they know you have had the sneaky one.

Good for you to give up, keep with it, as they get older they are the ones who nag more....!

I have not smoked since Dec 2006......sorry for proud mummy moment on your thread!

we all have ways we use to try and cope with the stress. I go to the gym and work out my aggression (also use the spa facilities to relax) - I can do this as my 2 are both in full time school. After a bad day like today I have wine and chocolate. I don't smoke because I have never smoked but I do know a lot of parents with SN kids who do.

That's ok, wotzsaname, you don't sound self rightious about it it so you should feel proud of yourself. I still need one NOW though. I am not giving up (not at the moment, maybe one day but not now)I have just run out and am going MAD.

adamadamum one thing I used to do, for the last one at night, I would put a small amount of water in the ash tray and have a good hard look and smell of it and think that was waht had just gone down my throat and into my lungs.

That image still helps me not want to start again. Stick with it, make a tea or coffee and go to bed....

(I only smoked about 20 a week but found it hard to give up)..

Thanks that will help when I am in the right fram of mind but I still want one NOW! Got a ready meal (Chilli) cooking in the micro, at least eating will take my mind off it. It's just been a mega stressful day, kids have been driving me up the wall and theres no-one to help (I am on my own with them) and right now I would happily inhale 3 in one go...

lol, so tough, I know that wanting feeling....eat your dinner slowly and have a large glass of water...slowly....

so sorry. wish I had some fairy dust......

Oh and of course, although it may be a bonus when giving up, being on my own with 2 pre-schoolers means I can't just pop down to the shop at any time to get them, I only realised I had just 1 left at their bedtime - hardly the time to get them ready for a trip to the shop. And believe me, tonight I have been smoker without cigarettes from hell!

The kids have been difficult over the last few days, taking turns on keeping me awake all night, so I am in sleep deprivation mode,I have a cold which has gone to my chest and I really feel physically very unwell with no energy, and I ran out of my antidepressants a couple of days ago as i was late requesting my repeat prescription (sorted now thanks to my Homestart volunteer). Just minor things in a way, but I think if you have no confidence like me, and are on A/Ds and are alone with 2 children, and one has SN too, and you have been so stressed at times that you have seriously considered suicide well cigarrettes are better than some things....

adamadamum I don't think you should feel bad at all about smoking. You're going through a difficult time and if it helps you then thats fine. Of course we all know the associated risks of smoking but apparantly the stress of trying to give up smoking is worse than smoking!

My ds2 has sn and a medical condition and the stress can be unbelievable. I gave up smoking in January but when things get really tough I do think about having one and if I really needed one I wouldn't deprive myself.

Try not to feel guilty, you sound like you are doing your best, and will probably eventually give up anyway when you feel ready.

I wouldn't think that having a child with SN would start someone off smoking who never has. But if you have been a smoker then the stress is prolly likely to make you start again or smoke more or not be able to give up. If I had any virtual ciggies you'd be welcome to them! God, all sorts of people smoke, I count myself lucky to never have been one or I'm sure I couldn't give up. I used to work in a hospital, only 4 years ago, where there was a special room within a room inside the staff canteen for the smokers. Now there is no smoking allowed anywhere on or near the premises by staff, patients, visitors or anyone...... times change!

adamadamum I hope you are OK and having a good sleep now.

Your dcs pics look lovely, how proud you must be you are doing a great job.

Well I've come on to answer the title question, but am now probably about to be "self righteous".. ah well..

Without prejudice, I have to say that no, I think we, as SN parents, are LESS likely to be smokers as our children have enough challenges that we can do little about, without causing them needless health problems also. Smoke seeps into clothes. It's impossible to be a smoker and never to pass any onto your children.

Shiny, I guess I need you to remind me if you have a child with special needs. NownI remember why Netmums has a special needs forum that you can only post on if you ask to join. that way only people who understand what you are going through will read it, and only they can post! If you don't have a child with special needs, how can you possibly answer the question. Never mind be self righteous.

By the way thanks shiny you have added io my need for a f*ng cigarrette.

Of course I have a child with SN! I said "..we, as SN parents.." and would not have seen fit to comment otherwise!

I don't consider you a selish, dirty person or any of the things you stated in your first post, not only do I not even know you, I can also see you're unhappy about being a smoker and want to stop. Which is a lot more than can be said for many parents who smoke. I wish you all the success in the world.

Your title was a question. I answered it.

Adamamum

Nobody has caused your need for a cigarette

You can't blame your physical addiction on someone else.

It probably is harder for parents of children with special needs to quit, because of the added stress, but don't kid yourself that fags relieve the stress, because all they relieve is the addictive craving.

All smokers want to carry on smoking - it's only when you have quit that you will admit to yourself how filthy a habit it is.
You can't make people pretend it isn't bad just because you want to carry on doing it.

Have to agree with shiny - having a child with SN hasn't made me turn to nicotine, but then I didn't smoke before dd. What having dd has made me realise is the importance of finding some way of de-stressing. For me it's sometimes having a bath with a copy of Heat and a glass of wine (that's my poison ), and believe it or not, going out to work to get some adult company!

Keep going on the quitting, it sounds as though you really do want to stop. Please stop beating yourself up so much about it; you're not a 'terrible, selfish, dirty person'- just someone who's human and has more on her plate than the average mum.

adamadamum - another thing I've found that helped is exercise. I couldn't run for more than 15 mins last spring (so it can be done!), I've since done several 1/2marathons. Really helped my stress levels. Even walking every day would help.
I'll shuddup now as I'm probably sounding farking smug, but I just wanted you to think about the stress relieving alternatives.

I know

Sorry Shiny, missed the "we" bit! Having an SN kid wouldn't have got me starting smoking, but I know my stress levels are now mega, mega high, have had times of being near suicidal fgs! So naturally I am not in the frame of mind to give up and haven't been since becoming her mum, much as I love her. I guess being on my own in an isolated area contributes too. But until I have less stress I can't see myself giving up. I'd love to be a non smoker, just wish I hadn't started.

agree with colditz

I have a special needs child and me and dh both gave up smoking a few years ago

of course we wanted a fag when we found out but we didn't have one

overcoming addiction is difficult whatever your stress is caused by but you can't blame anyone else or anything else for it - it's an addiction to cigarettes, plain and simple