Do they ever do as they are told?

[TeeCee]

This may be more relevant for parents with children who have Down's syndrome, but I don't know!!

Lottie is just so ... naughty really!
It's sort of cheekiness and sort of wanting her own way and sort of not understanding soem things etc etc.

But if I say to her wait there for mummy please, she'll walk off.

If I say come upstairs please she says 'yes mummy' then sits on the bottom stair. I stand at the top and repeat, she repeats 'yes mummy' and doesn't move till I do the counting thing, and then so painfully slowly.

I say 'don't take Eve's rabbit please, it's her rabbit', she says 'my rabbit' over and over and over and then snatches rabbit from Eve - cue screaming. Then I say 'hey, that wasn't nice give it back to Eve please' and she'll either refuse saying 'mine mine' or she'll give it back really sweetly with a 'here you are eve', like butter wouldn't melt.

Everything, and I mean everything seems like a battle and I feel exhausted.

Anyone else?

Sounds like ds3- who's 2- so it could jus be the delay- with toddler behaviour.

Having said that challenging behaviour does tend to be part of the package with learning disabilies. DS1 is often cheeky in the way you decide- he loves to pretend to do stuff he knows he's not allowed to. Trouble is he can't really distinguish between an amused response and a really pissed off response from us.

It does sound like toddler type behaviour. In my experience with toddlers, strategies to help might include -
to request the opposite to what you want , give choices rather than commands (e.g. would you like to bring your rabbit or your teddy upstairs, rather than just come upstairs), set challenges for things that need doing (I don't know if Lottie would understand this - but e.g. saying loudly "I bet Lottie couldn't climb upstairs all by herself".)

Also we still resort to distraction a lot with Ds2 while continuing to carry on doing what we wanted - e.g. talking about something else, telling a story, singing etc. If possible try to avoid situations that are likely to cause conflict and ignore "naughty" behaviour as much as possible.

Sorry it's so hard, I think it's harder when you feel that you should be done with all this by now. I was pushing Ds2 round on a toy tractor yesterday for half an hour because he can't pedal yet (he's 5) and my back ached and I couldn't help looking at all the other mums sitting down chatting and thinking "this isn't fair, I shouldn't still be doing this".

I think it sounds delayed but fairly typical toddler behaviour. DD, who has just turned 4, does all of these things. But I also agree that there is likely to be an element of not understanding or doing things due to difficulty communicating. I mean, wanting attention or to play etc but getting your reaction by this behaviour and then not understanding the difference in a "good/bad" reaction iyswim. Saker's suggestions are all excellent and ones we use with DD regularly. With DS it really is a case of being systematic with responses if not totally consistent, if that makes sense! I mean Saker's sort of strategies but not always the same thing all the time and I include simply saying "don't do that" or "put that down" etc which often works..... but not always! Sorry it is a struggle sometimes at the moment.

tc - dd1 and dd2 are doing a lot of this at the moment and totally ignoring anything I may ask them to do. THen we have days/moments when they are brilliant and I think we have cracked it and then they are back to doing what they want. I have been assured by my sil that my two neices are like this - same ages as my dds and so figure it is normal (whatever that means)

she is just testing her boundaries. We have sent them to their room a lot and stopped treats as a means of letting them know we are not happy.

also use lots of one word - STOP! sit etc - which seems to work rather than lots of words - keep reminding myself to keep it simple!

the other thing I have used with dd1 is to ask/tell her what I want her to do - eg come upstairs and then if she doesn't do it - I go and do what I need to do - makes me feel a little better that I am not standing waiting and she seems to get annoyed I am not waiting and just comes up or does what I have asked - once I have removed the audience iyswim.

Glad to hear Lottie is going through this makes me not feel so alone to know someone else is experiencing this.

Thanks for all your posts. Think the pregnacy is just making it all seem that little bit harder as well. But not having to struggle with coats and hats, gloves, scarves etc is actaully making it all a lot easier at the same time.

You're all spot on actually. I kind of knew it myself but easy to get lost in a fog with it all soemtimes, which is when having a little gush about stuff on mumsnet really helps.

And like you say Edisvold, it does really help just not to feel so alone with it all sometimes.

She's a good kid really, she's so sweet but at the same time so difficult. I know she doesn't mean it and it's not horrible defiant naughtiness. It's just all of it mixed up together that makes it so tiring. The constant repition of the same word or phase until she is satisfied that you have taken it in, understood and repeated it back excatly, then onto repeating the next word or phase and so on. The painfuly slow climb up the stairs, the battle between sisters when Lottie wants every toy that Eve picks up, having to do so much for her still in terms of getting her dressed etc, and then the battle to get anything to done to get out of the house, every single morning.

Time to count my blessings again me thingks!

Interestingly DS (ASD) has always had difficulty with what I know are "transitions" and sometimes he is much worse than others. BUT....... DD (NT) is also a little bugger about getting out of the house, switching from doing one thing to another, finishing something before starting something else etc... what I now realise is also "transitions". Isn't it just debilitating, they behave their worst when you just don't have the time to let them get over it. We have had many screaming/crying matches just about leaving to go to school or going to fetch DS from school. I should consciously use more strategies really