DS with ASD starting school Sept 2018 - I am feeling overwhelmed

[Hurricane74]

Hi

My son has a diagnosis of ASD and is due to start school next Sept. We are in discussion with the LA about an EHCP and have a Joint Assessment Meeting for early December. I had hoped he would go to a mainstream school and see how it goes, with the option of a school with an autism unit or a SS is things don’t work out. But now am feeling very doubtful a mainstream school could meet his needs. We had a report from the LA yesterday based on observations of him at preschool and it makes such sobering reading. It puts his developmental age at 8-20 months for most areas (he is 40 months) and his understanding and listening skills at 0-11 months. (His moving and handling skills are almost age appropriate). His main issues are social anxiety, sensory issues around noise and his lack of understanding and speech. Has anyone experience of a child with similar issues managing in a mainstream setting? If so, what kind of provision did you ask for and receive? Thanks for reading.

My son's TA came out to speak to me when I was waiting at pick up. Apparently he was told firmly by another teacher that he couldn't go on the slide and my son then appeared to stick his fingers up at the teacher (he does not know any rude gestures but often fiddles with his fingers, counts on them and does try to make the shape of a 'V' (which is in his name) and other letters. His TA appreciated this but the teacher (don't think it was his class teacher) probably did not. He was then anxious and wet himself - first toileting accident in six months.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better ...

Your poor ds, that must've been very stressful for him. Finger's crossed tomorrow is better!

Oh no dimples, what a shame for your ds. Has someone spoken to the teacher?

liv what a great day. It’s nice when they surprise you in a good way.

A good day here thankfully.

Liv and Open glad that they had good days and thanks for the kind words. My boy seems pretty happy this evening and has eaten loads so I don't think he is feeling anxious now. TA said she would speak to the teacher after she had spoken to me

That’s good dimples, hopefully it won’t affect how he goes in tomorrow.

Ds ate some biscuits at lunchtime - this is big as he never ate anything at nursery - and he’s using the toilet which he resisted there too. He’s barely drinking anything though so I need to talk to them about that. He ate dinner again when he got home and a bowl of cereal a bit later. Today he’s not eaten much less than he would normally, just at different times!

So sorry that your DS had a tough day Dimples hope things are better tomorrow. It sounds like his TA is on the ball so hopefully they'll be able to speak to his teacher. Glad to hear he was ok this eve. Eating's always a good sign in our house!

Well, the first week is over. I hope it’s been a positive start for all with more ups than downs. Things here have gone better than we could have hoped for. He’s had a few moments but overall he’s done so, so well. I’m very impressed with the school so far and so glad we decided to send him there. I’m braced for things to change any time but so far, so good. And he’s still sleeping in his uniform

That's so lovely to read Open.

My son hasn't had such a good time the last few days but I think he's on his knees with exhaustion. He wet himself at school today for the 2nd time this week (after months of being dry). I didn't see his main TA at the end of the day so I'm not sure what happened. He said it was at lunchtime (when he is meant to have 1:1 but I have the impression that he probably doesn't) and I can imagine him being anxious and afraid to ask for help. My imagination is probably running away from me!

Even though it has gone pretty well I have found my boy starting school v stressful and I'm sleeping very badly. I am v glad it's Friday but we have a party tomorrow ...

Great that he had a good first week open. I love that he is still sleeping in his uniform.

Sorry it hasn't gone quite as well dimples. Going to the toilet can be so difficult if a new place and with loads of distractions. I wouldn't be surprised if ds has an accident or too over the next few weeks. Hopefully it will get better as he gets more settled.

Ds has his first flexi day today, so it was life back to normal. I'm hoping he won't be too thrown when he starts again next week.

Sorry not checked in a while, echoing feelings of exhaustion after completion of first week!! Still only building up to full mornings here but all going well so far. Had a couple of wobbles I think learning that sometimes you can't get to do exactly what you want to immediately, but he is starting to seem settled with his TA who is lovely which is reassuring for me. He is still only based around the resource base at the moment whike he settles and build a relationship with her then they will start going into his mainstream class. That's the scary bit I think! Hope everyone manages some relaxing down time this weekend, typically we have all been struck by back to school colds and therefore could really just do with sleeping for 48hrs...unlikely I know! What a journey this is. I saw a post thing on Facebook the other day that said a mum spends 37hrs a week worrying about her children.... A full time job.. I can believe it!!

dimples I’m sorry about your ds’s accidents, it must be very upsetting when he’s been doing so well and having none. Are you going to speak to the school about lunchtime support? Hopefully, with the right support it will settle down and his confidence will grow. I’m sorry that you haven’t been sleeping well either. Lack of sleep compounds everything, doesn’t it. Lots of time for your mind to run away with you.

liv how do the flexi days work? I hope he’s happy to go in again on Monday.

Chasing I hope you’re all feeling better. Great that the gentle start is working for your ds, hopefully next week will be good too.

A very early start here, otherwise he’s been sleeping ok (well, for him). The one issue we’ve had is a wet nappy every morning since he started school (and a wet bed early this morning). He is mostly dry at night but not consistently and when we try pants it seems to get worse so still in pull-ups for now. For some reason they’re not working brilliantly at the moment and leaking regularly (Pampers).

We managed to persuade him out of his uniform yesterday after much reassurance he’d be going back to school on Monday. He finally slept in pj’s last night.

Oh, and Chasing, I can believe it too. Especially when your child has special needs!

Sorry about the colds chasing. Hope you all feel a bit better today. Great about your ds and his TA.

Open essentially it's just doing a 4 day week but on the understanding that you do some kind of home learning with your child (like going to galleries etc). We're using it so ds can continue going to OT once a week.

We are also having some toileting troubles in that ds seems to think his bedroom carpet is the place to pee during the night. Thank goodness for bicarbonate and vinegar!

That sounds helpful for you liv. Hopefully ds’s OT can go into school to see him. We will arrange for sessions to start once he’s properly settled.

How's this week going everyone? We're doing pretty well apart from yesterday when the wind wreaked havoc. They had indoor playtime in the infant hall (which would be 180 kids in a rather confined space). TA said my boy couldn't cope with it and wet himself so they will stay in the classroom during future indoor playtimes. I feel that they are understanding him better and adapting but I guess it will take a while. He seems to know all the older kids who he cheerily exchanges greetings with but not so many of the reception children. We have our first party involving his whole class at the weekend - wish us look!

dimples that does sound stressful, and very noisy! It’s great that they have realised and are making accommodations for him. Great that otherwise things are going well. First party already! I hope he enjoys it.

Things are going well here still. There have been a couple of issues but nothing we didn’t anticipate. He’s eating and using the toilet which were big concerns of mine. He also seems perfectly happy once he gets home. I have a TAF meeting tomorrow so I can discuss it in more detail with them.

I hope everyone else is doing well too.

That's good Open. My son has also been doing well outside of school. He suddenly seems more grown up. He did come home wearing a sticker 'well done on making a good choice' - this immediately made me think that he had/was at risk of making a bad choice/ not behaving well. My Mum said that I'm overthinking.

I think that lots of children (especially Reception) must have struggled in that noisy environment

My friend’s ds is struggling with the noise in the playground at his school so it’s not just our SEN dc that have these sorts of problems.

Typically for my ds they have a problem getting him in from the playground after lunch... hopefully once the novelty wears off it won’t be an issue.

I think the sticker sounds great. In reception I think most of the kids need encouragement to make the right choice all the time?

DS hated stickers at nursery which was tough as everyone offers them to little kids to cheer them up! He got a teacher's award sticker for good behaviour this week and was so proud of it it made my heart burst. He's come on so much since nursery but still has so far to go.

This week has gone well so far but DS is really struggling with noise in the dinner hall and although he says he's trying to be brave his 1:1 has said she might see if he can go early with the nursery kids as he's not really eating and mainly covering his ears

Sue can’t they let him eat lunch somewhere quiet by himself? My ds eats lunch at the ‘station’ they have set up for him outside the classroom for when he needs somewhere quiet to go. Otherwise, ear defenders might help (if he’ll wear them).

I'm not surprised he struggled with that dimples. Sounds like chaos! But great they are making adjustments and about the sticker. Hope the party goes well.

Sue lovely about the sticker too. I went to pick up ds at lunchtime last week on his half day and was amazed by how loud just the reception and nursery kids where. I think school dinning halls are designed to cause sensory overload. Hope they find a better way to help your ds.

Hope the TAF meeting goes well Open.

Things are still going well with us. He finally used the toilet on Wednesday! Yesterday was his first Thursday flexi day, so hope he isn't too thrown this morning going back to school.
We've also had to have repairs done on our house this week, so no access to the main living space, which I thought would be massively disruptive but amazingly ds seems completely unfazed by it all. He's always full of surprises!

Great to hear that everyone seems to be settling! DD actually went in without me having to peel her off me this morning (she still hung on to me for a bit, but slightly reluctantly went off to play with the TA before the bell went and I at least didn't see any crying so that's a step forward (though I suspect there might have been some tears after I went... she looked kind of on the edge). The class TA is being really a great support.

We have a meeting with the school on Tuesday so I'll be able to express our thanks for that... will be interesting to see how they are seeing things going. It's hard for me to really catch up with her class teacher in the mornings with the separation being so hard... hopefully we'll get there in time!

Also went to an autism parents coffee morning in the week. Not fantastically useful but there were a couple of good ideas on separation which I'll try if things don't settle in the next few days.

I just feel so exhausted. Not sure if it's work or my anxiety over DD or a mix but I really need a lie down. I keep having super-early nights and getting loads of sleep and it's doing nothing for my energy levels! Out for drinks/dinner with NCT friends tonight, which won't be that restful but will definitely be lovely and a good break from routine!

How did the school meeting go Light?

Hope that you're repairs are sorted Liv

Sue have they sorted out better lunchtime arrangements?

My son received a Head Teacher's Award yesterday for 'trying new activities and making new friends'. We are a bit up and down but I'm v pleased by some social successes. Another Mum came up to me at pick up to say that her daughter is always talking about her friend (my boy) and how he makes her laugh. I just managed to stop myself from crying!

liv great your ds used the toilet. Has it continued to improve? Really good that the disruption at home didn’t faze him. They really are full of surprises aren’t they!

Light I hope dd has continued to improve on drop off. I’m not surprised you’ve been exhausted, it must have been very emotionally draining for you, seeing her so upset. Fingers crossed she’s turned a corner.

dimples amazing successes, you must be so proud. Did he accept the award ok?

Things have continued to be mostly positive here, a few tricky issues but mostly he’s doing really well. The meeting with the school last week was really positive. However, today we had a morning where he refused to get dressed for school and said he wasn’t going. After a while I bribed him to go but we were late. They know that this may be an issue but I still got a bit stressed out initially. I need to learn how to relax about it because it isn’t going to be the last time... I expected a bad day but he did really well. Fingers crossed for tomorrow.