Is anyone around? I have got myself into a real state after discussing DS round my parents house.

[Pinkchampagne]

I expressed a few of my concerns about DS1 to my parents tonight & got an awful response. They think I am putting him down & not protecting him enough, which is as far from the truth as you can get!
I love my little boy to pieces & want help for him, and this is why I have pushed for a referral, but they can't see this & feel I need to do more to help him.
Tonight was horrible & I have got myself in a real state.

I know its hard to ignore because its your parents we are talking about here- Did H ahve anything to say?

They never stop reminding me that I was this hideous awful child, that they never allowed to be labelled, and I do recognise that, but my problems were because I was a pretty disturbed unhappy child with major anxieties.
DS1, unfortunately does have a similar nature to the one I had as a child, poor little chap, but also there are additional problems that I am now having to face up to, and I want all the help I can get for him.

H hasn't said much, bubble.

Doesn't sound as if your mother's empathy was much of a comfort to you.
Oh, poor you. You did try to do the right thing in letting them know what's going on. Both you and DS1 should be able to expect a little support- but sadly they let you down.

I'm sure they don't mean to be so hopeless...you probably keep believeing in the bit of them that actually wants to be good grandparents, and talking to them as if they were able to carry that out. It's sad, really. Sad fr them.

But you will get DS1 the assessment and then support he needs. Good for you.

He is getting a developmental assessment in May, Blu. I am dreading it.

Fingers crossed.
One step at a time.
You have been anxious about him for a long time, haven't you?

Yes I have, and after his last school report I knew I had to take some kind of action & confronted the SENCO, telling her I would get him referred through the GP if it couldn't be done through school. She sent out a letter the very next day.
Feel kind of upset at the thought of it all, and I expect things will be picked up right away, because deep down I have known there are lots of problems with DS1 for a long time, but have not wanted to admit it.
Now I feel I really need to push for help for him, however much the facts might hurt.

Sorry to hear all that PC , hope you are feeling a bit better tonight. This reminds me of the time when DN was diagnosed, my mother insisting that everybody was wrong, that he will grow out of it and that he would speak when he was ready. Two years on, they are full of praise for my sister and her husband, for all the efforts they take to make things better for DN and... my mother helps as much as she can can possible do.

So, maybe things will get better with them in the future, but in the mean time, let's not waste valuable time and energy on them which you could use for your child

And please CAT me whenever you want, many, many hugs.

Chandra

...and obviously, I had crossposted

Thanks, Chandra, hope you're ok tonight.

PC, hope youre feeling a bit better today.

I had a thought - if your Mum is so adamant she did the right thing, she probably feels rejected by your choosing to deal with your son in a different way. No doubt she would never admit it though!

Perhaps when DS1 has had his appointments, and you start to get some support, she will start to see the benefit of facing up to things.

Good luck!

I am not so sure that they will come round, FCNB. Dad told me I should just leave DS alone & do nothing at all, but I know that doing nothing won't help him.
I get so upset & worried about DS, and want help for him.

Its awful when your parents cant support you.

But you know youre doing the right thing, dont you?

Yes I think I am doing the right thing - however tough it may be for me to finally accept that all is not right with DS, I believe I am doing the right thing in getting him assessed & trying to get help.

not sticking up for the parents, but maybe this is really hard on them and they can't accept it......hence saying that you were a problem child etc etc - not saying they are right but it is their grandchild also so must be upsetting for them - i think it is a generation thing.....hope its ok for you

I really understand that this is hard for my parents to accept - they want DS to be perfect & so do I. It has taken me a long time to get to the stage where I am prepared for DS to have this assessment & face the possibility of something being wrong.
It is just that my parents get really cross with me & they think it's all my fault for not sorting things, getting him a home tutor etc. They were also getting angry with me for not protecting him because I am allowing the assessment to happen.
I wish I had never mentioned anything now, but I thought they had a right to know what was going on.

Today my mother told me that the reason my ds teacher wants to get someone in to dx him is because my house is too tidy- yes tidy- and he does not fall over enough, hence he is clumsy in 'normal' surroundings. Bloody idiot.

Because your house is too TIDY??!!!

Yep. But then she is messy because she hoards stuff and there are matches and scissors everywhere. Today i asked her if she could take a rake out of the room that ds plays in and she shot back with that comment. Actually, now i read that back I feel a bit sad. She know how upset I've been lately about this.

Has she been supportive up until now?

sorry i had to go as the baby woke up. She has never been emotionally supportive. She will have dd or ds once or twice a week though. I drop them off as she doesnt like coming to mine. We'll never be close and I know i shouldnt rely on her for kind words but sometimes when i feel vulnerable her coldness gets to me. Then I remind myself of how emotionally damaged she is and how tough life was for her as a kid and I try and move on.

Hope you are feeling better x

I know just how that feels, seasonsreasons, and I'm sorry you don't have support from your mum.
Is your DS being assessed for dyspraxia? (Tell me to mind my own business if you like! It was just the clumsy bit that made me wonder)
I am dreading DS's assessment SO much.

Well, the teacher didn't say exactly but she gave me a list of problems, which would relate to an ASD I think: Overhugging, lack of eye contact, not sharing. But the thing is, I have never experienced this from him, maybe once or twice but no more than any other 3 year old kid. He is a lovely, smart boy who suffers from nerves. Also he is just 3.2 and has only been there 2 months and I think he is very anxious as the preschool is not stimulating and quite tense.

I am very sceptical about it and have taken him to the GP who says he seemed fine. GP also mentioned that they get funding for special needs kids plus an extra pair of hands and as I am a teacher I know this is open to abuse by some schools. Not all of course.

So I am thinking of having him privately assessed by someone not linked to the school, as they could be working in cahoots. (I love a conspiracy theory me) If it comes back that there is a problem, I'll deal with it. Maybe I'm in denial, but hey, maybe I'm right.

Oh yes, the clumsy thing is a family observation. Is your son being tested for dyspraxia? How old is he?

There have been concerns re my DS since around the age of 3 too. He has problems socialising, concentrating, settling to an activity, handwriting is very poor (still reverses letters & numbers at 7.5), hand flaps & has had various other tiks over the years, has problems dressing himself, organising himself etc.
He ticks most boxes for dyspraxia, but I also worry about AS. I can kind of accept the dyspraxic bit more than the AS bit though & I don't really know why!

Anyway, good luck with your DS's assessment, SR, hope all goes as well as possible.