Anyone regretted the move from mainstream to special school

[Stradbroke]

We are on the verge of moving my DD from mainstream to special school. This has been something that I have been thinking about and working towards for so long and now we have nearly got there I have the fear.
She is 8 and will be going in to year 4. She has full time 1:1 and is working at P levels and 1b.

She finds learning very difficult and has huge problems with concentrating and doing what is asked of her. The senco says she only spends about 30-40% of her day in the classroom and says herself that she is not included despite their best efforts (mostly because she can't cope with the demands). The EP went in recently and essentially said that most of the TA's time is spent getting DD calm so that she can attempt to learn. Her 1:1 thinks she would do better in a special school.
BUT it's not perfect. Most classes are lower functioning than DD although the class she would be in are like her. Although it is a small class (10 max) and I really liked the head and all the staff in fact. They are at about the same level as DD and it would obviously be more life skills based than currently. She would go swimming every week. This would make her so happy!
But she will not be in a mainstream environment anymore. No more local school and seeing your school peers at the shop etc. This does count for something. The school is out of borough and we have been refused transport so there is a chance I will have to stop work to get her there and back every day. It's such a massive change. What happens if it's awful?

I know for her sake I have to try it but I feel so terrified of the unknown. And so sad at the thought of her leaving the only school she has ever known.

What was it that made it an unhappy experience at primary and ok at secondary?

watching with interest because our position is very similar. if no more replies the glass half full in me will assume those who have moved their children to special school are so blissfully happy they no longer haunt the mumsnet special needs boards!

I am a member of a very active Sen board on Facebook and overwhelmingly most people who have moved from mainstream to ss are extremely happy and positive they've made the right move.

One woman posted a photo of her son waiting outside the house for his taxi as he was so excited to go to his ss - she'd been battling to get him a place as he has been so unhappy in mainstream.

My little boy is 5 and starting ss in September and I am so excited for him.

Meant to add the woman who posted the photo- her son was in his third term at ss, it wasn't his first day or anything.

My ds went from MS to Ms!

For us the second one was batter because they had a better understanding and better ethos. Surprisingly ds feels safer there too despite there being twice as many students.

I think some schools suit some people - and the only way you'll know is by trying it. But remember this isn't forever - you can change it if it doesn't work.

The question I have though is why do you have to take her? If it's the nearest school they have to meet her needs they have to provide transport.

Zzzzz I'm really sorry to hear the placement eventually completely failed. Hope you, DS and the rest of the family are ok.

There is a school in borough that they say can meet her needs (despite the fact that the week before panel they said no as it was full! But when panel don't want to pay for transport a place can be found). I didn't like it when I looked around. Felt it was a really dull place and don't have confidence they knew what they were doing. So I now have the choice of 1) local school with transport or 2) parental preference with no transport.
We are going to see the in borough school again to make sure it isn't what we want but feel very backed in to a corner by the LA.

The school we want is 8 miles, the one we don't is 4, but the difference in transport costs is nearly £20k!

This whole process has nearly broken me. I have ended up at the Dr's as I just couldn't cope anymore. When it is this hard to get a school place it makes me worry that I have got it wrong!

And actually her current school are good. I think it comes down to wanting her to be in an environment where she is no longer different.

Her anxiety is so high now that she doesn't do much work at all. As the EP said she doesn't know what success looks like.

For her sake I feel I need to try something different.

It's a very lonely place though isn't it? Trying to find an appropriate school. The lack of help has astounded me.

My son is now 17 and in sixth form in is special school and still loves it, he moved from ms when he was in yr4 going into yr 5, we were told that the transition from ms to special school would be better for him to have a least another 2 years in primary (which he then did in special school ) before he then went into the secondary department and she was right, he loves it.

So we've gone from him throwing his school uniform into the wardrobe because he doesn't want to go to school at his ms to jumping out of bed to get dressed and fed waiting for his taxi to arrive to take him to his special school.

Special schools just seem to understand them and there needs, I do know some ms schools that are very good but unfortunately for us they didn't meet our sons needs.

Best move we ever made. My ds -whilst wasn't unhappy at ms, I always felt that his self esteem suffered. My ds is still largely non verbal at 8 but he's happy going into school and whilst we have difficult days- I can't describe how I feel like "he knows" he can be himself at ss. Yep, we still have tough days, but he's surrounded by people that will move mountains to help and calm him whilst really celebrating those personal milestones that in a mainstream environment were simply overlooked. Classes are smaller too then ms. He's happy and also we are too. The stress of finding a school that would be the right "fit" for him and making that leap of faith was emotionally traumatic...wondering if it was the right place constantly till the move, but honestly, I wish we had done it years ago.

Don't give up on transport just yet and get your own quotes as well.

It may be borough school cannot meet need or there isn't a class with peer group.

Look at it and see if you can find a reason it can't meet need.

Can I accept the school I want and then fight for transport later? When I spoke to my choice school they said they couldn't keep the place for DD if the panel said no.

Lesley - that's how I feel. She goes to school and has good days, but then she doesn't know any different. I would love her to experience what it is like for the environment to be made for her rather than there to constantly be adjustments made and for her education to be different to everyone else's.

After years of DS being worried about leaving his mainstream school despite it being such a disaster he now really wants to go to our preferred special school. Even amazed me by delivering a point by point comparison of why he wants to go to his 'new school'. Some stuff won't cut much ice with the Authority admittedly; that he prefers the way they celebrate birthdays (lots of sweets and films rather than blowing out a candle). But subtler points about how 'golden time' is just there, it doesn't have to be earned and isn't taken away. That you get to choose how to spend breaktimes (always a tricky part of the day) and that he feels safe there. I am very worried though that it's not quite in the bag yet. All too aware that at this stage in the year the Authority might hold out so he misses making the transition this September. Crazy of me to have let half term go by without hassling them!

Accept the school, fight for transport later as you don't want to get any closer to sept without knowing.

It was such a lonely period looking for a school-I too posted on here lots during this time and I couldn't thank the people and support I got from here over anything in real life.
Ask away. I kept making apts with the docs and backing off from having that serious chat about my mental health dealing with it all. But I'm out the other side. Whilst every school isn't necessarily perfect, I now understand the benefit of having an environment where my son isn't signalled out, his education isn't constantly different, his milestones are applauded, golden time is part of every day.
Your ep is spot on with recognising that your daughter doesn't know what success looks like- we had to relearn that too.
Youarenotkiddingme is right, find that something different in your choice of school related to your daughter that they do, or do particularly well. If you're running out of time and feel that the school place could be revoked due to the transport issue, (suggest they pay the first 4 miles and you pay the last 4 miles and get quotes), honestly- I'd waive the transport just to get your daughter in and ask for a 6 month review if possible. Once in and sept begins, go to a solicitor. If you have to pay transport - we have a term break in October anyway and you can show proof of how much it costs at this point.
Our ss costs a flat rate of £10 a day if you didn't qualify for transport, there's got to be a compromise and maybe contributing to 50% of the transport costs is a good one.

Not regret but has not been the magic solution we were hoping for. For ds2 we gave up and are now home educating. For ds1 his placement continues but we had not really anticipated how much the behaviour of the other pupils would affect him or how much we would have to battle to get his academic needs met. Neither would have survived in mainstream though so it was special school or nothing.

The reason why ds1's placement has survived and ds2's failed is that the HT is a lot more flexible at ds1's school and prepared to change things to meet the needs of the pupils whereas ds2's HT took any requests for support as mortal insults (in fairness I did subject him to a major rant on his second day in post so relations were never terribly amiable).

It is really difficult though choosing the right school as they depend so much on good leadership and this can change. We were unlucky that both of the schools we selected had a change of management very soon after the ds's started which meant neither continued to be run in the same way as they had been when we made the school choice.

Thanks everyone. I think essentially I know what mainstream holds and SS is a bit of an unknown at the moment. So I hope it will be a positive move, but only time will tell.

How do I go about getting transport quotes. They have the quote from the firm they use but how should I get more and as she is 8 will she need driver and escort?

w3.cerebra.org.uk/help-and-information/guides-for-parents/school-transport-a-guide-for-parents-in-england/

I don't regret it... but it's different.

I didn't leave DS long enough in mainstream ( he left in reception and went to an out of borough special needs school) to see how things panned out. However, DS had a very severe and complex speech and language needs and I knew the longer he stayed in mainstream he would find it extremely difficult to access the curriculum.

In his mainstream school, he was happy, a lot of the children from his class liked him, the parents were really nice. Socially he benefitted a lot from being at his mainstream school. Though, there was a time I had a meeting at the school and I saw DS in a corner playing with some toys whilst the rest of his classmates were working. I want my son to be included, not singled out. Also, as lovely as the staff were and his 1:1 were, they are not trained in teaching children who have SLCN and was sometimes at loss what to do with DS ( the school isn't good for children with SEN).

In DS SS, he is actually learning, his taking part in group activities, their therapy provision is excellent. It was the school ( and the therapist who works at the school who wanted to work on this) that got my son to say "Mum" for the first time and since then it's non stop. My son went from saying 5 words at 5 to 200 words and combining 2-3 words sentences at over 6 and a half, since joining the school. Whilst at his mainstream school, and I wish I didn't listen ! They told me not to work on DS reading skills ( till he gets enough language) and kept sending home reading books with no words in. Whereas as soon as DS started at his SS, they told me that I need to be working on his reading and gave me books, which were suitable for him at his current level and has words in !

To be honest, I think I was a bit selfish. I wanted DS to gain language so that his able to navigate the words, gain friendships to socialise. Having speech therapy once a term at his MS want going to cut it.

However, I very much miss the social aspect since leaving DS MS, I probably wouldn't of felt like this if he went to a SS in borough but as he goes to a school out of borough, it's very difficult to get to know the parents and set play dates as they live all over the county.

In hindsight, yes I made the best decision to put him into SS. Having worked at a MS, the MS curriculum is very fast paced from year 1. Yes the child will have their own individual curriculum but there isn't enough hours a day to do this as the child who has difficulties needs to work on his : speech and language targets, fine motor, DD spry breaks. I also visited 16 special schools so that I knew I made the right choice and only that school ( the 1) where my DS currently attends was the only one that I knew was right for him.

Lesley25 ! I remember you ! You haven't been on this board for a while ! How are you ?

Hey there notgiving...
Well, I'm one of those lurkers now who just loves reading about what everyone's doing and now ds is at ss I've had time to decompress after all those years of "is it the right move? Will speech develop etc"..
We are now in a much more stable and accepting place after all these years. I can now see how depressed and emotional those first few years as a parent with a child who has additional needs..and how I was so desperate for speech. I've learnt now to be more accepting of ANY form of communication.
My son is still largely non verbal but we make progress with communication.
I think one thing I've learnt over the years that really helped me is to believe that a diagnosis of learning difficulties and autism doesn't mean learning stops, it does progress just at a slower pace.
What is quite hard to look back on though is the minimal emotional support that was around me then and still largely now, and how upsetting and lonely it all seemed.
I don't think much has moved on in that respect for us parents who don't have support networks in place. Everyone seems hell bent on recognising a child with additional needs as opposed to labelling them as naughty but society seems to stop then and do nothing with that information!
Rant over.
I'm much more thicker skinned now and actively look for ways to just improve my self esteem and not rely on anyone too much for my own personal happiness- husband included!
I can't help but reply to posts though that were my personal issues all those years ago.

I've sent you a private PM Lesley25