DD with ASD won't accept help with anything

[samcroreaper]

Hi just wondering if anyone that's had a similar situation can give me some tips because I'm am so drained at the moment

DD is 3.5, she is on the spectrum with HFA. The problem is that she is so independent, she has to do everything herself even things she just hasn't got the fine motor skills for.

So far today we've had a meltdown over her unlocking the door, screaming, tears & snot everywhere trying to get the key in the lock. Then just had the same carry on about zipping up her coat. Half an hour or screaming & stamping her feet trying to fasten it but she just won't let me help her with anything it's absolutely exhausting.

Have you tried compromises ie let mummy put the key in, then you can turn it or let mummy get the zip in, then you can pull it up etc.

Also at that age, I would try to give ds control over the little choices, such as do you want orange or blackcurrant to drink, ham or cheese in your sandwiches etc I found it made him less controlling over the bigger things, he needed help with.

Also turning everything into a game, tended to avoid so many meltdowns i.e. Mum's turn, ds's turn.

And distraction was always a good one! For example if you know dd will run to the door to get to the key first, ask her to pick up your bag or something for you, while you put the key in.

Hi user thanks for replying.

Yes choices work well for us with food, clothing etc.

Compromise is a no go though it doesn't work saying I'll do X then you can do Y, sometimes on odd occasions it will but most of the time she has to do the full process of whatever it is.

I'll try more of making it into a game, that makes sense but god knows how I'll make the like of unlocking a door a fun experience

Where are the keys? If in your pocket, then maybe distraction? Distract while you get the key then let dd turn?

I assumed the op meant to get into the house. Not that keys are left in the lock inside the house.

Sounds like my daughter. No advice, I'm afraid, I just know what you are going through! With my daughter though, some of it was a communication thing. I don't think she always fully understood what I was saying, so she blocked me out completely, and tried to figure it out herself. The more frustrated she got, the less she could engage and understand. It's improved a bit, partly because I am better at understanding how to communicate with her, and partly because she is (slowly) learning to give me a chance at explaining. And also I guess because her motor skills are improving!